My dying mother is still clinging to life. I have d.i.d and am carrying the exhaustion of all the other parts. I feel like I cant go on like this a moment longer. She phones in tears and breaks my heart. I am so sad. The waiting is unbearable. What can I do?

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry that you are suffering with this. I have no idea what you can do but do hope that you are able to take a little time to be kind and gentle with yourself.

[ECHOES]

How are you doing, kindergirl?

This is a very sad and stressful, exhausting time for you. You had sudden news of her failing health, then the trip and seeing your mom. Now the waiting. All of this is very emotionally draining, horribly exhausting. There is nothing for you to do but to take good care of you at this time. And know that you are doing everything you can do. Talking to your mom on the phone when she is in distress is a very very generous gift you are giving to her. You are comforting her by being there for her.

At the same time, you need support and you need comfort too. If you have people around you who can provide that, let them know you need it. If you don't, then do some things that are supportive and comforting for you. Declare an hour a day to be just for you to relax, read, drink soothing and comforting tea, the phone turned off... or whatever picture comes to mind that feels supportive and comforting to you.

Thank you Echoes. Still waiting......in limbo really. i do have supportive people around me, but it seems its gone on so long now, i am reluctant to talk about it so much. Thank goodness i have a wonderful T, where I can vent weekly at least. Will keep you posted.

[ECHOES]

kindergirl, I am wondering how you are doing and wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

You are so kind to be thinking of me Echoes. Unbelieveably she is still with us. It is now 6 weeks past the time she was given to live. At this moment she is waiting for the next available hospice bed. I pray the end is near......everybody is exhausted. x

[possum220]

Kindergirl, I am sorry that things are really hard for you.

Yes it is exhausting caring for a mother at the end stage...... cos you never really know when it will happen. Even the doctors/nurses get it wrong. So try and get as much rest as you can. Lean on others and talk in here cos it does help.

Last year four weeks before my mother passed, I was talking with my p'doc about it, never knowing how close the end really was. She had been in a nursing home for years. Yes I have DID too. I was really tired. But near the end I got to do a couple of things for my Mum that I never thought I could/would be able to do.

As hard as it is, know that we care. Take each day as it comes. Talk to her carers as they will understand you too. And rest. Take breaks like Echoes said.

Would it help you to spend time with her? I found that putting music on that Mum liked was good for us both. We both sang songs that had been part of our life and my Dad's life.

Peace be unto you both..........

Thank you for your reply Possum. We live in different countries, and I have been to see her. The relationship is not easy due to her lifetime alcoholism. I harbour a lot of bitterness. I read a quote recently written by a woman who had a difficult childhood. She said, "I cannot forgive or embrace my mother, yet nor can I abandon her." That is how I feel. I have just found out that she is starting to slip into a coma, so I dont think it will be long now.

[ECHOES]

Thank you for the updated on your mother. You can rest knowing that she will receive wonderful care with hospice.

[possum220]

Different countries does make it hard to see her.

I also agree with the quote "I cannot forgive or embrace my mother and yet I cannot abandon her".The whole business tears at your soul.

Rest and Rest and Rest.........