[*freak*]

Today is the first anniversary of my grandfather's death. I seem to be the only one to remember what day it is. No one in my "family" cares. No one cries. No one woke up at 6.25 a.m. (his time of death), staring at his photo wondering how could he possibly be gone.

One year passed, so many things changed in my life, mostly for the better. And yet it seems like it just happened. I remember his death so vividly. The hospital room, the nurses, his heartrending laments. My great sense of powerlessness in seeing that I couldn't do anything to lessen his pain or to save his life.

I never told him how much he meant to me. Hell, I didn't even know what he meant to me until I realized he was going to die. It was too late then to talk to him. I will never forgive myself. Ever.

There are so many things I'd like to tell him. I'll never get another chance to do so. I've had my chance and I blew it. I don't deserve to have him back, anyway. I should be dead in his place.

[Rapunzel]

((((((((( hugs ))))))))))

What do you think that your grandfather would want for you? for your family? Would he want you to continue mourning on this day, or do you think he would tell you to live the day to the fullest and make it count?

All those things that you would like to tell him, could you maybe write him a letter - even go and read it to him somewhere that you feel close to him.

Anniversary dates can be painful and difficult. Everyone experiences them differently. It's ok if you are remembering and you are sad, and it's ok if others are not showing it the same way that you are. If you tell them why you are sad, maybe they will tell you that they do feel it too, or share how they are experiencing and coping with this day.

I also wished that I had told my grandfather many things while he was alive. I wish I had learned more from him. Mine died about ten years ago, and I still do miss him. I am still working on learning some of the things that he did that I admired, that I would have liked to have learned from him and have had to find ways to learn on my own or find other teachers. When I learn the things my grandfather knew and did, I remember him and, I hope, honor him. I enjoy it too.

[kebsfroggy]

It is hard to hold back the tears when the anniversary of a loved one's death comes along. Why is it we realize how important this person was to our life only after they are gone.

When a thought of this love one comes to mind and a tear starts to form I talk to them and let them know how much I miss them. Some times it is a what should I do know type question.

It is beyond the knowledge of this frog of little brain but I know they are watching me, guiding me and missing me. It doesn't make their passing any easier but perhaps a little more comforting.

kebs

[blanche]

Although guilt is common during grief, it should not be hung on to. No one in the world is a perfect wife, son, grand-daughter, etc...All you can do is use that grief to learn from and then let it go. Guilt takes up the space in our heads where honor, peace and good memories are. I certainly would never want anyone to feel guilty upon my death. I would want them to look to the skies and say "it was really great knowing you". You and your grandfather shared more good times than bad times; remember the good ones.
btw; I really like this "If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex"

[turquoisesea]

(((((freak))))))

[Sabrina]

(((freak)))