[anjelmarie]

Two things (Sorry) Since my mom died I have ignored Mothers day. I stopped celebrating even with others. I used to give sisters, cousins and my friends and my godmom card and gift. I have been having difficult time really complicated grief with my moms death. My Godmom seems upset that I stopped giving her card and gift and calling on the day. I told her plus wrote her several times my feelings. She doesn't get it. Shes like 80 years old I think. This year I'm going to try but why can't people get how hard it is for me. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to look at cards, I don't want to say happy mothers day. I go through this with every holiday. Your thoughts please, I would very much appreciate it.

2nd thing is my moms 2nd cousin died we werent' real close but she was at my moms bed side when my mom was sick. I would like to go with my moms brother, my uncle to the wake and am having a panic attack about it. Haven't been to a wake or funeral since my moms don't want to go, feeling sick about it. But I will be guilty if I don't go. Again, your thoughts would be appreciated.

Anjelmarie

[blanche]

I think it might be helpful to go to your relative's funeral. It might give you the chance to speak with your uncle about memories of your mom. I am sure you remember how nice it was to have other people at your mom's service so perhaps you will feel better about attending the services for someone else. If you get there and don't want to sit through the service, there is nothing wrong with excusing yourself to the lobby. Sometimes facing our fears opens us up to experiencing new feelings.

[lizardlady]

Anjelmarie, my mom died last September so I understand about wanting to avoid the whole Mother's Day thing. Would it be possible for you to reframe the situation with your godmom so you can cherish still having her in your life?

As for going to the wake. Without stopping to think about it what's your first reaction to going - go or stay away? I'd go with your first response. That's usually a good indication of what we really want. We end up complicating things by over thinking them.