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Old Jul 14, 2010, 11:11 AM
TheChosenSoldier13's Avatar
TheChosenSoldier13 TheChosenSoldier13 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 13
June 2006.

He is gone. They found him. He is gone.

This is what my mother told me over the phone, when she was telling me about my cousins suicide. The following minutes after the phone hit the wall still seem like a blur. What was the anger at that point is still a reminder today with 2 shattered knuckles and a scar that haunts me.

I lost someone that day, that had no idea that I understood the pain he was feeling. I've lost the one person that truly understands my pain and following. I've never opened up about this loss, since its cut I feel will never truly heal.

I still cannot look at pictures of him, they almost haunt me. My mother describes them to me, telling me that he is smiling in the photo but I still cannot look. I've written something to him .. and would like to share it.

"I miss you my friend. I always looked forward to seeing you at Christmas and other holidays. You were so amazing with everything you did, you were more than a cousin .. you were a great friend. I cherish your memory everyday and the more I think about it .. I live with your memory. I am now seeking much needed help to fix my problems and I use your memory to help with my fight. I hope that when my times comes .. you will be the one to greet me at the gates. I cannot be angry with you anymore, you did what you thought was right at the time but I wish I could have told you everything I was feeling."

I love you Jeff .. I Miss You.

Онлы Тхе Гоод Дие Ыоунг ( Only The Good Die Young )
__________________
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

~The*Chosen*Soldier~

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  #2  
Old Jul 14, 2010, 12:48 PM
DfendrOfEmilysHeart's Avatar
DfendrOfEmilysHeart DfendrOfEmilysHeart is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2009
Location: Up So High I'm Touching The Stars
Posts: 580
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Soldier. I am very close to my cousin too, and I can't begin to imagine what my world would be like without her.

Sending huge, safe warm hugs to you.

Remember you are strong and you can get through this.
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She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Green Day - Extraordinary Girl




Thanks for the photo ZilchHour
Thanks for this!
TheChosenSoldier13
  #3  
Old Jul 17, 2010, 01:43 PM
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Sabrina Sabrina is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Feb 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 67,808
I am so sorry for your loss.
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Its Time

Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long.
  #4  
Old Jul 22, 2010, 11:13 AM
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Yoshi Yoshi is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 698
I'm soooo sorry I know this has got to be tough, He might not be there with you pyhsically, but he's with you mentally. I hope you feel better soon
__________________
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air i'm breathing
Holding on to what i'm feeling
Savoring this heart thats healing
Its Time

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