[lokipooh]

When I was 20 I was living with my fiance when he proposed he had to jobs but this was 4 months later and got laid off both jobs. So I was on my own taking care of both of us and I found out I was pregnant. When I told him I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for he went to sleep for a whole day. I was stressing out I needed his support and he just pulled away from me he didn't even want to tell anybody about it. He was acting like it was a lie which scared me I worry alot already but it killed me to see that he didn't care. I ended up losing it at 8 wks which hurt me but he looked relieved told me it was for the best we couldn't afford a kid anyway. I should have known he didn't want kids but 3 yrs later I wanted a child we were both working so I planned a pregnancy he acted like he was into it but really he didn't care. It took us months to get pregnant then I ended up losing that one too. I got really depressed and I feel like I never dealt with either loss how do you let that go. I still have the ultrasound from the last one I can't throw it away. I don't know it comes up every once and awhile and I don't know how to act anymore.

[Leed]

You've suffered a great loss ~ it is normal to grieve. Obviously you haven't grieved for either loss, and it's coming back to bite you. It would help you to talk to a grief counselor. Hospice has great counselors, and you don't have to have used their services previously. Call them and ask for an appointment to talk to a counselor - You will be VERY glad that you did!! I talked to one when my husband died - my daughter talked to a counselor when she lost her baby. It is recommended that you do get support after a miscarriage. This is a REAL loss ~ I don't doubt that you're feeling the affects.

God bless you sweetie, and please make the call. Please update us and let us know how you're coming along later on. Hugs, Lee