[Lexicon78]

Everytime I pick up the blasted phone I go to call someone, dial the number, and I've realized I've just phoned my mom...

I can't stand it that I'll never hear my mom's beautiful voice, hear her words of wisdom, or be able to call her. I don't ever want to talk to anyone else! This pain is so unbearable. I want her...just to hear her voice, see her face....whatever. I can never hear it at all. Never. And I can't bear the pain of that.

[BlueFaith]

((((Lexi)))) I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But YOU CAN make it!! You can get through this! I just know it. I'll be thinking of you.

-Jennifer-

[darkeyes]

This is a normal thing that happens, I've had that so often happen to me and then it becomes an odd reality check even though I know what the reality is. I have and still do at times didn't want to talk to anyone on the phone, because it was never going to be my dad on the other side, yes I was so empty feeling, and so frustrating cause there was nothing I could do to change this. The pain in my heart,my soul, left me feeling more like I was disappearing, dieing, it all takes time.
More and more people I talk with have had this happen, after they have lost a loved one, especially many who lived far and use to call their loved one(s) often. Till this day, I will catch myself, thinking, "I got to give dad a call", or when something exciting is taking place I just feel compelled to call him, to share good news or just fun things. Sadly, again I tell myself, "it's not going to happen", he's gone.
I even was so sad when accidently I erased old messages on my answering machine, one was him leaving a message, before he became really ill. Old video tapes, are rough too, but what helps them to become less tearful, but not totally, is to just think of dad's funny but cranky moments and things that he use to say. Passing of time has seemed to help, in the sense, I just dusted my bedroom this summer, it was last dusted right before dad had died, almost like my house had been suspended animation, but now I have begun to get back in touch. Do you find these things similar to some things? Can I offer you a cyber shoulder? If not, I can at least offer some,warm, sincere wishes from my heart, to you for lighter days to come.

Sincerely,
DE

[misty]

((((((((((((((Lexi))))))))))))))))) it takes time. So srry you have to go through this!! So srry anyone has to go through loss cuz it really stinks.
skylarks