[eskielover]

My mare was almost at her due date. i got a call from the people I am boarding with yesterday morning telling me that my mare had delivered her foal, but when they went out to feed in the morning, I was laying in the stall with mom, dead.

I was just with Mom earlier in the afternoon before she delivered & there was no sign that she would deliver for what looked like almost a month. The foal hadn't even moved back into the birth canal. I went over as soon as I got the call, I. I know that it was an early birth.....my vet said it was probably about 2 weeks early. I know it had just rained here, but was sure that if everything was ok with the baby, it would have made it no matter what.

I feel so sorry for my mare. It is important to allow the mare to work thourgh the fact that her foal isn't alive but watching her nose around her dead foal was horrible. I had my vet come over as soon as he could. He checked out mom, the afterbirth, & nothing looked out of the ordenary. He took blood & cleaned her out. When we took her out of her stall for the vet, she couldn't part herself for the foal lying on the ground. We had to put it close to her & he gave her something to quiet her down while he worked with her & I was able to mild about 1 liter of her first milk with the colustrum in it.

I went home & took a hot shower, about the only thing that seems to calm me down on top of the meds that really don't work when a situation messes me up.

I got a call just after that from the lady I board with letting me know that her husband was having the back hoe from his work was on its way. I went over & they were finishing up buring the foal next to my mare's stall. She was standing in her stall & watched her neighing & could hear the calling for her foal in her neigh.

I am in so much shock that it doesn't seem real & is just added onto everything else that doesn't seem real. I knew that it was always an iffy pregnancy with this mare, but her last foal was my Izzabelle....so thought she might have gotten over her problems....but guess the answer to that is no. First try was miscarried twins.....second was a live birth but had to have the foal put down at 2 weeks after an infection separated her leg bone from the hoof.
Third was another miscarrage, forth was Izzy, & then aborting this one.

We were running though possibilities & there were too many to count, but what seems to have happened is that the baby wasn't back far enough when she started the labour. It probably took too long for the foal to be birthed & was probably cut off from oxygen during that time & she was probably not alive at the point she was born.

I know in my mind that this was very real possibility considering the past experiences, but I can't get over this after having a successful birth of Izzy 1 1/2 years ago.....I was so praying for a filly just like Izzy. I am having problems dealing with this even though my mind tells me that if the foal had lived there problaby would have been so many vet bills because of some problem from the premature birth, but it doesn't stop the horrible feeling that are going on inside of me & watching my mare grieving for her foal is so hard to deal with too.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but it doesn't take away the pain of loosing my foal so close to having another successful birth.
Debbie

[Larry_Hoover]

I'm sorry for your loss.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mrb020377]

I am soo sorry. It makes me sad to think about the mom losing her baby. I dont think i would be able to handle it... i mean she cant tell you how she feels.. i can only imagine.

(((((((((((((((((((((((eskielover and your mare))))))))))))))

[dottie]

I am sooo sorry. That is a tragedy. I hope you and the Mare too will feel better soon. That 's just too sad for words.

[Kaligirl99]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am SO SO sorry!!!

[bebop]

(((((eskie)))) I am so sorry hon

[desirae]

Aaaw, that's horrible...poor girl. Do you know exactly what it is that could be complicating most of her pregnancies?

I'm so sorry for your lost. I'm sorry for the mare too.

But nature has it's course, even in unfortunate circumstances.

Will you ever breed her again?

I hope talking about makes you feel better.

[wisewoman]

I am so sorry for you and mommy. It is a difficult part of life. You bare no responsibility here. Please be kind to yourself and know that the mare needs lots of extra attention. Horses remind me of elephants in their grieving. Elephants actually have a burial ground and they go there and hold the bones of their loved ones and mourn. I guess they are a lot more healthy then we, the human race is. Please take care. You are such a loving soul and I know this hurts. I want you to be okay. yeah, I know I am selfish. Peace.

[Evangelista]

Sorry Eskielover,

There is a special bond women share with horses, so I share your grief, and your mares..and honor the the foal's spirit..nothing is ever lost if it is loved...and it sounds as if this foal was already loved very much..

i'm so sorry to hear this sad news

[darkeyes]

I am so sorry to hear this heartbreaking news, my heart goes out to you. As you already know I love animals and my pets are my children, so I can imagine how you are feeling.
I'm sending you warm wishes for healing and strength.
Please take care, and know we are all here for you.

Love,
Roe


((((((((((( Eskie and mare )))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Aww.

So sorry to hear that. I love animals and I know how much pain you must be in right now.

Take care of yourself. (((((((HUGS))))))))

[eskielover]

Thank you ((((Larry, mrb, dottie, kaligirl, Tomi, bebop, desirae, wisewoman, Evangelista, butterflylady, darkeyes, & canders)))),

I haven't been in a state to get back to you, but I want to thank you all for your caring words, warm wishes, & your support through this. I wasn't able to handle another death very well after my Mother dying just about a year ago. I have had a hard time functioning since loosing the foal. Even though its' personality never got a chance to exist, the death has effected me really bad.

MRB,
It is interesting about communicating with all of my 4 legged family, but I have found that they are able to talk to me with their eyes, body language, & their barks & neighs. There was no mistaking the mourning & pain my mare was going through when I saw her calling to her foal as they were burring her. The pain was so obvious in her eyes as she realized that her foal wasn't alive.

Desirae,
The other foals she lost were miscarried earlier in her pregnancy without any explaination as to why.....nothing physically obvious like Rhinopneumanitits (a virus that aborts foals). This one has no explaination, & happened only about 2 weeks earlier than what was supposed to be the due date. It was hard not to feel the anticipation of a successful birth at this point in her pregnancy. My vet did a blood test to check for the Rhinopneumanitis. We figure that either the foal had died before birth, causing the abortion of it, or because the foal wasn't in the birth canal, that maybe the birth took so long that the oxygen was cut off. There are no answers unless the blood test comes back positive. I vaccinated her throughout her pregnancy, but maybe a different strain of the virus that what the vaccine was for may also be possible.

I will not breed her again & my trainer offered to take her from me & keep her in the field with the stallion. She is hoping that with free breeding that she will end up with a successful foal before she is 25 (5 years). She really loves the personality of the filly that I have from the only successful breeding & the one that she cared for that had to be put down at 2 weeks of age due to an infection caused by my mare stepping on the foal when it was about 24 hrs old. I am trying to find a place for my mare to retire to. Hopefully the place where my equine chiropractor volunteers at. I don't want my mare to go through this again. She has only had 1 successful birth out of the 5 that I have done & have no idea how many others before I bought her. I can still see the sadness in her eyes & she now that I am boarding her next to her 1 successful filly, the lady I am boarding her with was telling me that she was gone back to mothering her filly again. There is nothing in my mind that can justify putting her into a situation where she will even possible go through this again. My vet validated my thinking too when he said that if she were his, he wouldn't breed her again either, & the lady where I am boarding my horses with, agrees with me too. It seems cruel to me if I were to put her back into a place where this could happen again.

wisewoman,
I agree with you, I think there are many creatures that go through the mourning process. I know that when I lost one of my dogs puppy after 2 days(because she wasn't producing milk & I didn't realize it until too late), she was mourning for quite a while & so was my male eskie that had taken protecting the puppy as his job. He is the one that is like having a guardian angel. He protects me the same way & doesn't like me to be out of his sight even at 3 1/2 years old. I had heard about elephants reacting that way, but had forgotten about it until you mentioned it. It is sad because I can still see the pain in my mares eyes. I am sure it takes time, but I want to retire her into a very safe, responsible place rather than giving her back to my trainer so she can breed her for herself without caring about my mares interest being first. My mare doesn't look very good after loosing this foal. She hasn't been eating well & I am going to keep her at least until I feel she is healthy enough to go to a place where she will be able to retire from broodmare completely. I am keeping her interest above everything else.....I just can't give her to my trainer with her hoping for a successful breeding in the future. I still own another breeding from the stallion but am looking for another registered mare to lease for the breeding.....no way I could ever justify breeding my mare again & I have alot of support on my decision.

Evangelista,
I also think that there is a close bond of women to their horses. I sure have been able to feel it once I was well enough to really get out & be with my horses daily. What is very interesting is that my husband, who never had a pet in his life, had bonded closely with both my horses & our eskies. The only difference is that he says he could live without them being around without it bothering him (I really wonder about that), & I know that I couldn't....they are my family & have really given me the opportunity to know what real love feels like....the bond is deeper than I ever thought it would be. I always wanted a horse when I was growing up, & never got one until I could afford it when I was 42......finally able to live my dream. It went beyond my dream when I my mare had a successful foal 1 1/2 years ago with Izzy. Imprinting is real......I was with her about 2 hours after she was born & the bond from that has continually amazed me more than I even dreamed. I think that was why I was hoping so much for another foal to join in my family. I think knowing what a wonderful foal my mare had, made it so hard this time loosing a foal (another child) I knew would be so loved & close to me again.

I want to thank you all again for your caring support through this time......I so appreciate it,
Debbie

[Azalysa]

Hi, {{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}...just saw your post and I am so very, very sorry. I, too, am a "dyed-in-the-wool" animal lover (definitely my children) and have some understanding of your pain. It is heartbreaking to hear of the mare's heartbreak and mourning. I saw that firsthand when my cat and Keeshond were bonded and played together. Then the Keeshy died from some strange illness and my cat hid back in the farthest spot of the bathroom cupboards under the sink for at least a week and would only come out at night for a bit of food and water.

This same cat lost his next buddy, my cat named Kali I. By this time he was in the kitchen with a baby gate, but he stood and looked many days for her.

And then....I lost that cat as well, my 20-year-old Morris.

Love and warm thoughts to you and your grieving mare.

Please feel free to PM anytime.

[darkeyes]

Animals do communicate with us,our heart and souls, as well as with each other.
Animals do grieve, for humans and their animal friends and family. I've seen this on several TV shows and gone to seminars on this, when I was taking vet tech. classes.
Mother instinct so deep,breaks their hearts just like us,helping your mare get through this process is the best thing you can do, and you being a loving person,will do just that, I'm sure. You are a very special person to all animals, as well as your human friends.
I would share with everyone here, some other things that we had learned in class and watching a film, but it is too heartwrenching but educational. At a time like this, I'll choose not to talk about, it was reality and very sad.
I hope your mare is coming along as to be expected, giving her your love is huge factor in her emotional and physical healing.
Bless you both,
Roe

(((((((( Eskie and mare ))))))))))))

[eskielover]

I have to thank EJ for pointing out the freudian slip in my original post.....It was a pretty accurate description of how I felt when I arrived at the ranch that morning.

But, I really have to correct the oops though:

It wasn't "I" laying in the stall next to mom, dead......"It" was the foal......I know I wouldn't be posting if it was I.

What an embarassing oops,
Debbie

[Zorah]

{{{{{eskielover}}}}}

we watched one of our mother cats spend more than 6 hours trying to revive a kitten that died.

they grieve, like we grieve

[Zen888]

(((((((((ESKIE))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((MARE))))))))))))

((((((((((((BABY HORSE)))))))))))

LOVE,

DUBZ

[(JD)]

I'm sorry to read this. How this tugs at the heart! My agreement includes that the reason the foal was early was to allow the mare to live...for if she had continued to carry the foal she, too, might have died. That would have been even more horrible to deal with.