[griefstricken]

On July 5, 2012 I had to make the most difficult decision I have ever made. My beloved toy poodle of 11 years and 2 months became so ill, that I he had to be put to sleep. Everyone tells me he is better off, that he is no longer suffering, but I just can't stop crying about him. Max had seizures his whole life, well since he was 9 months. So everyday twice a day he got his "medis". He knew when it was time and he would let you know at 6 am and 6 pm that he wanted them too. The last year of his life has really been hard, as the seizures continued, he became blind. Over the last couple of months he really began to put on alot of weight, but it was thought to be due to his inactivity. On July 3rd, he seemed to be having some difficulty breathing, so I started carrying him when he needed to go outside and I moved his food and water bowls close to make it easier on him. On July 4th, he seemed to be feeling a little better and was even able to maneuver the stairs off the porch. During the day of July 5th, Max seemed to be having more trouble getting around, was panting alot and didn't have very much of an appetite. Around 4pm his breathing got worse, but just like the loyal friend he had always been, when I call him he would come to me, but it took so much out of him. He couldn't get comfortable lying down, so he just stood. Finally, around 4:45pm I asked my husband to take him to the vet, I could no longer stand to see my friend suffer, but I also knew that I could not stand there and watch his little life come to an end. I called my husband while he was on the way to the vet and told him if there was anything at all that could be done, to bring Max home and I would take care of him. The vet said that Max's heart was not beating properly and that he was retaining a lot of fluid. He was in heart failure which explained his difficulty breathing and that we would only be prolonging the inevitable. Well, it's been 3 days now and I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if I made the right decision. I miss him so badly. I just want to tell him I love him one more time. I hope he knows that I loved him so much and that's why I let him go.

[Sabrina]

I am sorry for your loss of Max. Please post as much as you want as you try and come to terms with your grief. We all understand and care.

[Leed]

Oh bless your heart~ I can so relate, and my heart hurts for you. I know how awful this is for you. Having Max for so many years and with him such a faithful and loving member of the family makes it so difficult to make that decision.

Two years ago, we had to do the same with our beloved dog Boss. He was almost 12 when we had to 'put him down.' He had lost so much weight, and he was in alot of pain from arthritis and was having trouble getting around. Plus he had terrible skin allergies that were driving him insane (he was a lab/shepherd mix) and we just couldn't see making him suffer anymore especially due to the pain. The meds weren't working either. So we went to the vet and watched as the life left him, and we stayed with him for about an hour afterwards, crying our eyes out. We decided to have him cremated, and have his ashes returned to us, so we have him here at home in his own urn - he's sitting on the fireplace. We just couldn't be without him. It might sound gruesome, but we had to keep him.

So I can so relate to what you're going thru. And like I said, my heart hurts for you. They are NOT just "pets." They are family members, and it's like losing a brother or sister, etc. They love you unconditionally, and when they're not there anymore, the home doesn't feel right. Even our cat mourned the loss. He laid where the dog use to lay for days on end, and he wouldn't play and didn't eat much. It was sad.

I'll keep you in my prayers. I pray your heart heals and your pain eases. God bless and PLEASE take care. ((((hugs)))) Lee

[Travelinglady]

I can certainly relate to your experiences. I still miss my Missy, a dear Sheltie, who passed away awhile back.

You might want to check out the "pets" sub-forum under "social chat." There lots of folks talk about their pets and their feelings, such as sadness about them.

[lizardlady]

Griefstricken, Max knew/knows you loved him. Be kind with yourself. You did the right thing by ending his suffering.