A Lament To the Gods.

At what point does it become ok.

At what point do i magically move on.

At what point do i justify you taking her away.

Almost 2 years ago you STOLE her...not just from ME... But EVERYBODY.
She was such a good person. One of those rare ones. Always found the good in everyone, always willing to help, always a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, someone to give advice. Smart. Funny. Attractive. Had everything going for her.
Then one day... She wasnt there anymore. You took her...in her sleep. Around her friends. Yes it was her FRIENDS that found her. I do blame you. I blame you for taking her. I blame you for making her firends find her. I blame you for the poor way in which i was told.

She was the first person to see a light in me. And you took her. You took my light. You took it away. 2 years and i STILL see her. EVERY DAMN DAY. I HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT OVER. I see her and suddenly she isnt gone. But then she is again. Day after stinkin day im forced to relive that day.

Its so easy for everyone else to move on. Not me. And i blame myself. Its my fault. I was the one who wished for death. But you... You take her. Someone who had so much to offer. And you ruined my life just that bit more.


I hate you.


Nothing can ever make this ok. She was far too good to taken. Far too young. She was 19man. Thats way to young. She had everything going for her. And she was so careful with her diabetes. So careful. And still. She was so pretty and smart and funny. So many times she saved my life. She was my light. And i will never forget you. Ever.

Love you Kiah.

Rest in peace angel.

So sorry about your loss. I can understand your anger.

Awww Blackie, I'm sorry I didn't look at this sooner. I hadn't been reading posts for awhile and I really just assumed you hadn't been on.

I'm sorry hun, I know it hurts and the pain doesn't seem like it will ever go away. It may not, you may endure a long time but I hope and pray that you'll get stronger and will learn to accept it at least to the point of moving on as i know you want to.

I know you hate that he/it/they took her away from this world. I don't blame you one bit. It sometimes makes no sense in how that happens to the best of people while others that wreak havoc on this world and the people in it stick around well past what should be their welcome here.

I am here for you, you know that. Talk to me if you need me.
~S4

Oh btw... I love your signature! Girl you must be nearing level cap by now if there is one!

Losing someone is never easy hun, I am so sorry

In in my own life when I lose someone so dear I have to try and turn things around for myself to make things better so I think about what a blessing it was that I even got to know them and know them for as many years as I did. U have those memories to cherish, isn't that what she would want?

Its hard turning it around but this is the only way I have found to help me cope with death. Maybe it will help u too!! Just a thought

Hey guys thanks for your replies.

I have been yalking to my therapist (or rather she talks i listen and occasionally nod) about it. Today she said "Its going to be a long week, but we will get through it together. You and me. Just like last year." Shes amazing. Always knows what to say. I felt safe for the first time in ages. Im glad i have my therapist, some friends, and you guys to support me this year. When it first happened i had very little support except from my 2 best friends. And another mate helped me get through the funeral. I think as the day draws nearer it will get harder. But i have a therapy session before now and saturday so well see.

Bless your heart - I'm so sorry. I didn't know your story until today. Please accept my condolences. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. My husband died 12 days before our FIRST anniversary. I thought I was going to die --- In fact I wanted to. I wanted to go with him.

So I understand how hard it is. He was my soulmate even tho we'd only been married a short time.

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself! Hugs, Lee

Wolf, was that you I was emailing on chat-I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. My sister passed away in 1987 to suicide she hung herself. To make it worse she looked exactly like me pshyically. I have spiritual dreams about her, and the night before she died I had an experience where she kisssed me. Do you have any spiritual things that happened to you to ease your pain? She's in a better place now, if you want to believe that it helps. One day at a time sounds painful and overused but it is the truth. Who knows, you may yourself be with her soon, we will meet again, all of us. Let the pain go through your whole body and deep breathe the pain away. Pray while you do this and think of her and ask her to help you let her go. She would not like to see you doing what you are doing like blaming yourself.I hope that helps and I pray for you first and then her even if you don't want me too as I know her through you. you have passed the torch!!!!!!!!