[jelly-bean]

My husband of 45 years passed away last night. I was with him, holding him and loving him when he passed. I don't know what to do now. How do you tell the love of your life goodbye? I can't sleep and I don't want to talk to anyone. I could use a little advice because I am lost!

[pogar246]

I am so sorry for your loss. Never say goodbye He is your love, hold on tight to all your precious memories. Celebrate eachday. Try not to feel too lost without him. He is allways with you.

[Yoda]

I am sorry for your loss.

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your loss

I am very sorry for your loss

[nannywoofwoof]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. This is such a difficult time for you and I hope you have family and friends around to support you. Treasure your memories. He will always be with you in your heart and mind. All you can do is take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Thinking of you Nannywoofwoof.

[bebop]

first hon I am very sorry for your loss. It is still very fresh for you. Allow yourself the time to grieve before trying to figure out what to do next. Get the funeral over with first. The healing begins with acceptance. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[yellowted]

((hugs)), i know what you are going through, try to take time to comfort yourself and time to grieve before thinking about the future. Until the funeral is over things will be extremely difficult, people trying to help when you just want to hide away 'until the 'nightmare is over ' and you wake up to find everything back as it was'. Only when the well wishers have gone back to their lives can you start to adjust. do things in your own time, not when others think you should, grieving has no hard fast rules, everyone handles it differently, but there are some things most go through...the why him, the hating god, the loneliness, the I will never cope alone, the i don't want to forget him (you won't, he is in your heart), but once you get past these you will start to feel better, but you may feel guilty for enjoying life, that is normal, don't beat yourself up about it, your husband would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life. you may then feel depressed for no apparent reason, probably around special days like his death day, birthday , wedding day etc that is ok too, once you know this happens you can plan to have me time and pamper yourself on these days, i still feel off for a few days around my mans death day, birthday and christmas, and i am ten years on! i warn everyone and do not book any meetings for those times, i make sure i have everything i need for a hot candle lit bubble bath, including the tissues, wine and nibbles.
it is ok to still talk to him if you wish to, i tell my man everything, i light a floating lantern every new years eve and sent it up to him with my kisses, enough about me. if you find a big bed lonely buy a big teddy bear! I put one in the chair my man used to sit in, it made the emptiness not so bad and i had something to say hello to when i came home at night! he has been retired to the spare bed now but did a marvelous job for as long as i needed him!

on a practicle level, you need to eat, try to sleep, inform family and friends, eat, sleep, get a death certificate, arrange a funeral... you need to decide on whether you want him cremated or burried, eat, sleep what hyms you want sung, music for entering and exiting , eat, sleep, whether guests send lowers or donations to a charity, eat, sleep, chose a funeral director, chose a coffin, eat, sleep, decide if the wake/after funeral gathering is at your home or some other place etc. eat, sleep, inform the state and others who paid him benefits and his bank of his passing (be careful if all your joint money is in his sole account, banks have a way of freezing sole accounts until probate is done and that can take months!, eat, sleep, if he had a will you need to inform his executors and his lawyer too. eat, sleep!get the clothes you want him burried in to the funeral director (including his underware, socks and shoes!), eat, sleep! i know i put eat and sleep in after evey thing, that is because you need to keep your energy up, you may not feel like eating, but make youself have three meals every day, the last thing you need at this time is to become ill and have to miss his funeral isn't it?
I don't know about probate in your part of the world, but here it is dealt with by the lawyer and executors. if he did not leave a will then i think it is simply a case of everything should pass straight to you as his wife though depending on the amount of assets he had and the laws in your area you may have to pay some inheritence tax if that even exhists in America..it could just be the money grabbing English government that enforce that one!

Loosing your man

No-one quite understands what loosing your man is like
its worse than falling off and breaking your long saved for new bike.
It leaves you feeling lonely when you have friends around
it leaves you listening on a night for every little sound
just longing for that special one who
always cared and said he loved you.

people say, you'll find another
but no-one can replace, your one true lover
that's the one with whom, you are meant to be
and no other one, can live up to he
you try and carry on the best you can
but all the time you're longing for your man

It leaves a hole, within your heart
which nothing can fill, whilst your apart
there is a tunnel, but there is no light
just a hurt deep inside, both day and night
that hurt will pass people say without knowing
when in fact it just keeps on growing and growing

nothing seems, quite as it should
that hole is there, it's there for good
the world goes on, though your world's ended
that hole in your heart, will never be mended
no matter what you try to do
that hurt is there a haunting you

five or ten years down the line
just when you think you're doing fine
something will remind you of your love that's gone
it may be a photo, a saying, a song
then suddenly all the hurt comes back
and for a while your world turns black

you pick yourself up and carry on again
but deep inside that hurt remains
locked away until you die
and are reunited with your lover in the sky
but till the time you're laid to rest
you just have to carry on and do your best.

[Permanent Pajamas]

I'm sorry, jelly-bean. Take care of yourself.

[tigerlily84]

I am very sorry for your loss Jelly-Bean! As others have said, take care of yourself, and do things in your own time.

[TerryL]

I am so sorry for your loss jelly-bean.

[beauflow]

(((((Jelly Bean)))))

I am so sorry for your loss and how it happened.

I have no advice but please do check in. I hope that you have family and friends around in real life as well.

Many hugs and good thoughts your way

[BonnieJean]

Jelly-bean, I'm so sorry you've lost the love of your life. You will make it through this terribly rough, painful time. Allow yourself to feel the numbness and anger and sadness and every feeling that comes your way. Cry. Exercise in some way. Paint your feelings. Scream. When you feel like it talk to someone. There is no one right way to grieve. Sleeplessness is a common symptom. Grieving is a skill. By allowing yourself to feel, be and think. Eventually you'll figure out how to go on and what makes sense to you. It will come but in its own time. If you want to pm me, please feel free.

[Leed]

My dear sis -- You know how I feel. This is going to hurt for some time. There are 5 stages of grief which I'm sure you're aware of, but just for the record, they are: Shock, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance. When my husband died, I skipped the bargaining and went right into acceptance.

I think I might have mentioned too that I talked to a grief counselor thru Hospice. She was wonderful, and helped me immensely!!! And hospice also followed up with me for a full year afterwards! That really was helpful as it kept me informed as to how I should/could be feeling thru the first year. And they were right.

You've been thru SUCH a tough time these several months, sweetie and I know you're exhausted. What you need now is PLENTY of rest. Trouble is, I know you have people pulling at you from all sides. If you can, ask them to leave you alone for awhile, as you need the rest. You need solace -- quiet so you can gather your thoughts & feelings. This time should be for YOU.

Just know that I'm there with you in spirit. How I wish I WAS there. But my prayers are being sent up for both you and Dane and for Jim as well. God bless dear sis. I'll talk to you soon. Love you, sis

[shezbut]

"You don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it, because you can't get around it. It doesn't 'get better'; it just gets different. Everyday... Grief puts on a new face...." -Wendy Feireisen

I am truly very sorry for your loss, jelly-bean. You are in my thoughts. Words fall short of expressing my sorrow for your loss.

[Dreamer11]

I can't even imagine what you must be going through...

But I hope that eventually you are able to focus on the kind of life he would still want you to lead and go forth with his wonderful memory empowering you. Please know that you are in many prayers

[yellowted]

you are still in my thoughts Jelly bean ((((((hugs))))))

[avlady]

You are in my prayers too!!!!

[Leed]

I'm still here too, sis. I know it feels like the grief will never get better, but it does.

The first few weeks were awful when Dave died. All my thoughts and actions were based around Dave. Everything I did was about Dave. I'd go thru pictures, his clothing, his tools, anything about him. I got obsessive about it, until my daughter got me out of the house. That did me a world of good. Plus some friends had a bon-fire with loads of people. While I didn't want to go, it was good that I did. People can be a good remedy for grief.

Just know we're here for you. Talk when you feel up to it. God bless you. Love, Lee

[yellowted]

still here Jelly bean whenever you wish to talk x