I can't take anymore loss

I just had my 7th miscarriage in 2.5 years on the 19th. I have one healthy child from my first pregnancy and since then I haven't been able to have another one. The first 6 losses were at 5 weeks but this last one I made it to 10.

I am devastated. We had a heartbeat and baby was growing, we had too good ultrasounds, and then I went into to OB on the 15th and baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks and no heartbeat. I ended up in the ER on the 19th. My body passed the baby in the toilet right when I got there and when I stood up the toilet autoflushed everything away. I still can't quite deal with that. I had to have an emergency D and C.

I am a complete wreck, I can't sleep well, I'm so angry and so sad. I've been off meds since Jan because I didn't want to be on anything while pregnant. Had preg in March, May, and then this one. So have spent a good part of the year with crazy hormones.

I had to move to a new area last year so I lost my amazing T and pdoc and haven't replaced them. I'm going to go to mental health tomorrow and try to get some help. If it wasn't for my son I just would give up but I can't do that to him.

All I want to do is drink, cut, and not be here anymore. I have to get myself together. It is so hard, and I feel so alone.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I know your loss is very painful and you will need time to grieve before you can heal. However, drinking and cutting are not going to help you get past the pain. They just cover it up. I'm glad you are seeking counseling help because you need to get well for your son. He needs his mom there for him and while you are suffering I know that that is hard. You have my sympathy.

I know. Went to mental health today but all they can do is refer me to a therapist. They only provide psychiatrists for people who are psychotic, schizophrenic, or Bipolar I with history of hospitalizations. I'm very frustrated, they basically can't help me unless I am going to kill myself. I would have to attempt and go inpatient. I am supposed to see my primary doc and ask them for a specialty referral and wait around 2-4 months to be seen if I want to be on meds. I need help right now and no one will help me. I'll go see the T they referred me to, but on the med front I'm screwed I guess. I hope I don't go off the deep end and that I can keep coping with everything on my own.

I am so sorry to hear.

I am so, so sorry zbmom. I can't even begin to imagine what all of this is like. My thoughts are with you.

I cannot believe they haven't offered you support and a pdoc. That is completely absurd. Why do they want everyone to get right on the edge to get proper treatment? I am so sorry. Have you thought about support groups in the area? Maybe that can help some.

I feel terrible for you. I am sorry for your losses

I hope you have been able to get support.