[Meta]

I don't know how and when I will recover from my mother's death.

Right now I am trying to take care of my daughter and my husband is trying to take care of me. My daughter is the easier job. I must remember to not take all my feelings out on my husband. He really stood up for me in the tragedy that ended with my mother dying less than one week after her diagnosis with cancer.

As to what happened, I am snappy, bewildered, angry, sad, indignant and all kinds of other what might be thought of as negative emotions.

I am quite anxious that I will have a bout of seasonal affective disorder again this winter, as I have had it the past 3 winters.
Right now the only expectation that has been borne out by the antidepressant I take is that it has kept me from being suicidal. I did feel normal for a short time after I began taking it, for a couple of months, but then it stopped working or some kind of tolerance developed and like I said at this point I will settle for it keeping me from being suicidal.

The focalinxr I most recently started taking has been giving me the "normal" moods and functioning that I did not previously have. I hope tolerance won't develop.
I still haven't made any final decisions about seeking justice against those who discriminated against my mother because of her age and disability, but that does not have to be decided right away. Although I am wondering if it is something I need to do right away so that I may then be able to mourn for my mother and what we both lost.
Thanks for being here.

Meta

[(JD)]

It sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on what you are experiencing. We at PC are here for you, of course, but you are doing some good self care there, imo.

We only had 5 weeks with my dad, from his diagnosis. They told us 6 months but we figured it out by week 3 that it wasn't going to be that long.

[Rhoda]

((((Meta)))))) I don't know about other people but my Mom will be gone 6 years come Christmas Day and it is still hard for me at times..I have had people tell me to .."deal with it".."get over it"..I don't beleive in a grief timeline..we all come to terms in our own time not everyone elses..if u and ur Mom were close then God Bless u hon..me and mine were..and I know she is still watching out for me.

[domino]

Meta my dad died when I least expected it. I went over to see how he was, he was still working but had terrible problems with his chest at the same time his was on hemodialisis, I took him to hospital to have him checked out, finally they kept him in, I told my mum that I would stay a week longer so by that time my dad would be out of hospital. The last week I stayed more, was to bury him. It was terrible. I never expected it. I blamed myself for taking him to hospital for a check up and blaming myself that he had died so quickly. I thought if I would have left him in his job, he would still be alive. I feel so much pain for you Meta. Just one thing, we do recover eventually. This was my story and how I felt. Now I still have my mum that I love dearly but we are so far apart. 4,000 km away from each other. I still talk to her alot and my father's death has brought us closer.

[wisewoman]

Have you tried the lights for SAD?

[Meta]

Thanks everyone for your support. You have no idea how much it helps.

Wisewoman, you know I had forgotten about the SAD lights, but you reminded me and I am going to get them. I promised myself after last winter, I would get them this year. Thanks for the reminder.

[Boopers]

I completely understand how you feel. I lost my Mom five years ago to cancer and I moved in with her the last month of her life and took care of her. She talked about her death and told me to miss her but not mourn for her. I can tell you I still miss her now as much as I did when she first past. I would give anything to feel her arms around me giving me hugs again.

Take time to miss her and keep her memories close.

Sending you lot's of "hugs"!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Meta)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Linda