lost a grandparent

I lost a grandparent a couple years back to cancer. Sometimes I feel like people don't realize how hard it can be. we lived with them for awhile, so my grandparent was in some ways like a second parent.
I have a hard time expressing my feelings, especially around family. I'm learning to let people see me cry, but I still don't talk about him much, and especially not about the sickness, his death, or funeral. Part of me wants to talk about it and part of me doesn't...but somehow part of me needs to. Problem is, I can literally sit there and can't get a word to come out. Or try to write, and nothing comes out.
I'm embarrassed to bring it up because I feel like everyone else has already come to terms with it; they think about him, but no one thinks about his death or funeral everyday like I do.
Any suggestions on ways to cope, and learn to express my feelings?

try to find someone who shares your feelings, your experiences, outside the family, then ask the family for stories about him... combine your grief with loving memories, and they will likely join to bring you strength.

Hello,
I lost a grandparent to cancer several years ago. I went to his house every single weekend when I was growing up, and I made so many memories there with him. Those years spent learning from him were definitely some of the best of my life, so when he passed away, it felt like things just wouldn't be enjoyable anymore.
But eventually things got easier. I was able to watch home movies with him in them and laugh. Just a month or two ago, however, I was talking with my girlfriend about our grandparents that had passed and describing our favorite memories. Then, out of nowhere, I started crying and I had to hug her and just vent it all out. I'm not usually that emotional or comfortable crying around others, so it was a surprise. But it helped to do that and know that I was with someone I trusted and who really loved me.
My advice would be to not pressure yourself to quickly get past your feelings. Everyone does things at their own pace. I would suggest finding someone you really care about and trust, and who you know cares about and trusts you, and just ask to talk about your grandparent. Any topic that comes up is fine, and they're all relevant. Mix in the sad with the happy. Know that opening up to a close friend can only make you closer.
I promise it gets easier.