[umithinkineedhelp]

My best friend killed himself nine months ago and im still having a hard time dealing with his loss. Sometimes I still feel like he is gonna walk through the door with his usual smirk on his face and when he doesn't it crushes me all over again. I guess I never got closure. After he died nobody would talk about him and they still wont. They thought I was already unstable enough so they didnt let me go to the funeral. Instead they sent me to school where I spent my time staring at the wall waiting for my phone to ring. I was waiting for somebody to call me and tell me it was a prank and he is alive. I guess I'm still waiting for that call.

[atomicc]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend last year too and I know how hard it is to come to terms with. I still think she's going to walk through the door as well.
I'm here if you want to talk!

[ShyOne]

I am very sorry for both of your losses. I also lost my best friend to suicide in 2001 and it hasn't gotten any easier. I miss her just as much today as I did right after she took her own life. There are times I am so mad at her for doing this. How could she do this and leave me here alone without a friend? I am not as mad at her now because I can see how a person can get that low and not know what direction to turn, I have been there.
Something that has helped me some is to write her a letter telling her how I felt. It may help or may not but it may be worth a try.

[martharom724]

I am sorry for all of your losses. I can understand it is very hard to forget that person who is very close to us.
Don't worry, everything would be fine.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by umithinkineedhelp

My best friend killed himself nine months ago and im still having a hard time dealing with his loss. Sometimes I still feel like he is gonna walk through the door with his usual smirk on his face and when he doesn't it crushes me all over again. I guess I never got closure. After he died nobody would talk about him and they still wont. They thought I was already unstable enough so they didnt let me go to the funeral. Instead they sent me to school where I spent my time staring at the wall waiting for my phone to ring. I was waiting for somebody to call me and tell me it was a prank and he is alive. I guess I'm still waiting for that call.

Sorry you're going through this also. Everyone's grief process/timeline is different, but suffice to say at just 9 months things will get better. I lost my best friend 4 years ago. I was devastating, there are still days I cry about it, but it's gotten much easier to live with.

[Violet Blue]

I know it's only a virtual hug, but it's heartfelt. I understand everything you said. I hope you are able to find some peace and eventual closure. It's not easy. Not one bit.