[anothercliché]

Two weeks ago I got the news that my Grandmother had died. She was 78, and passed away in her room while eating fruit. She didn't admit it, but I was clearly her favorite. She always begged to spend time with me, she always moved heaven and earth to make me the happiest, and even as her mental state deteriorated she always remembered my name. When I got the news I was shocked, but as time went on... I felt nothing else. No sadness, no sorrow, no grief, no bitterness, not even hollowness. I felt fine, and that started to make me angry. Not angry at her death, but angry at myself for being so nonchalant about the whole thing. I went to her funeral service and just felt... fine. No tears, no remorse, not even a waiver in my voice. It's true that due to the distance in physical land that separated us that I hadn't spoken to her in three months, and prior to that one year, but she was such an integral part of my childhood and development that I am angry at myself for not being shaken up about this, and no matter how hard I try I'm still content knowing that she's dead. And that's when I even think about her, which really ian't all that common even after a mere two weeks. Is this some part of the grieving process that I'm unaware of?

Originally Posted by anothercliché

Two weeks ago I got the news that my Grandmother had died. She was 78, and passed away in her room while eating fruit. She didn't admit it, but I was clearly her favorite. She always begged to spend time with me, she always moved heaven and earth to make me the happiest, and even as her mental state deteriorated she always remembered my name. When I got the news I was shocked, but as time went on... I felt nothing else. No sadness, no sorrow, no grief, no bitterness, not even hollowness. I felt fine, and that started to make me angry. Not angry at her death, but angry at myself for being so nonchalant about the whole thing. I went to her funeral service and just felt... fine. No tears, no remorse, not even a waiver in my voice. It's true that due to the distance in physical land that separated us that I hadn't spoken to her in three months, and prior to that one year, but she was such an integral part of my childhood and development that I am angry at myself for not being shaken up about this, and no matter how hard I try I'm still content knowing that she's dead. And that's when I even think about her, which really ian't all that common even after a mere two weeks. Is this some part of the grieving process that I'm unaware of?

Hello anothercliché: Well... I'm certainly no expert on the grieving process. I grew up in a very elderly family. And, as a result, I spent a good share of my young life going to one funeral after another as my relatives all died off one-at-a-time. I never really grieved for any of them. They were old. They had lived good long lives. And death is something that comes to us all sooner or later.

Different people react to death in different ways. Perhaps you're just not a person who is particularly affected by it. Or, on the other hand, perhaps it is the understanding your grandmother lived a good long life that makes it less traumatic for you that she has passed. It is also possible your reaction is just delayed. You may find that, at some point later on, you may unexpectedly develop sadness with regard to your grandmother's passing. The important thing here, from my perspective, is simply that you accept whatever you are or are not feeling at the present time as being okay. It's okay for you because it's how you feel. Best wishes...

[Oliveaux]

I agree with the last responder, you're not a bad person for not grieving. When someone lives a long, happy life and dies comfortably, it's understandable that their death (rightly) seems like, just the natural order. An elderly family member of mine died that way, she had been healthy her whole life into her 80s, then one day she wasn't feeling well so she went to lie down and died peacefully in her sleep, in the home she raised her children in and still shared with her husband. I can't think of a better way to go than that.
On the other hand, when my grandfather died when i was 17, my mother was so angry and grief stricken, all my energy went into supporting her that I couldn't feel anything myself for a long time. I think it was about a year before I even cried because it didn't seem like there was room for my grief along with hers. Sometimes it's also a case of shock; the first stage of grief is denial. It's normal to feel nothing for that reason then suddenly start to feel sad, depressed, angry etc.
In sum, i think the best thing would be to go easy on yourself. Your current feelings, whether they change or stay the same, definitely do not mean that you didn't love her. Grief is an incredibly unique process and there's no wrong way to feel.

[CANDC]

Sometimes I cannot grieve as fully as I need to and it comes back to me later and I feel it deeper.
Since she cared deeply about you, she would not want you being absorbed in grief and unable to live. Life if full of experiences that we only experience on the surface. In our dreams and later we discover ways to process this things so no worry. Whatever you experience is okay.