So it finally happened.

These passed few weeks my grandfather has been struggling with cancer.

There was so much drama around this too, my "family" didn't want to tell me and my parents how my grandfather was doing in the hospital because they felt that we should be there to see him, but he's in another state and we can't afford to travel right now and take off work and get a hotel and all that.

Anyway, I got the call this morning that he passed away.
I don't really know how to feel... I feel bad because I didn't get to see him while he was in the hospital and I didn't get to hear his stories of his life in Germany or his other funny tales of growing up.

At the same time, I don't want to go to his funeral, because my family members who harassed my parents and me were also spreading rumors about us, like, "They don't care about him" or "They're so selfish!" But it's so funny, of all my grandfather's children, my mom and me where the only ones to visit him regularly when we could. And we're the only ones who live out of the state!!

It was just a ticking clock from there... I knew he was going to die. It almost feels like I killed him with my thoughts because I didn't have faith that he'd make it. I knew he wasn't going to make it and I'm feeling bad about it.

I just sort of wish I could crawl under a rock and stay there for the rest of my life. I'm sick of my family and I don't want to go to my grandfather's funeral because my stupid, mean family is just going to use that as an excuse to talk about me and spread more rumors.

I don't know what to think really.
I'm just done with them.

Kori, I'm so sorry for your loss. Families can be so drama-filled and vicious around an event like this. If it helps remember your grandfather's funeral is to honor him. It has nothing to do with the rest of your family, no matter how much they want to make it about them. And please don't beat yourself up about his passing. Cancer is what killed him. And I'm sure he was grateful for the times you and your mom did go to see him. So be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. Why are families so cruel? Mine did the same when my mother died, only I wasn't even allowed to plan her service.

I am worried that my "family" isn't going to let my mom have some say in his funeral as well,
Especially since we couldn't make it down there to see him in time.

I absolutely hate my family, and if they don't let us have some say in how my grandfather is to be buried, then I won't go to the funeral and I'm cutting them out of my life completely. I'm sick of their **** and I don't have to take it anymore.

Sorry about your loss, Kori Anders.