[bounceback]

The one year anniversary of my mom's death is on Thursday so I am kind of having a hard time right now. I still have memories of watching her die and all the other stuff we had to do for her after she died and I still miss her. I was wondering how everybody else copes with anniversaries. Any advice or support would be appreciated.

[sideblinded]

(((bounceback))) I have had 16 anniversaries of my mom's death. It seems that I do dread her death anniversary as I don't like to think about it, either. Time does help as the first year was the worst but each year it gets a little easier. I distract myself and go to a friend's house. Sometimes it helps to be with someone else on these anniversaries. Do something to distract yourself and try to be with family or friends.
Blessings.

[Frankbtl]

Hi bounceback, I am sorry for your loss, it sounds like she meant a lot to you
And often anniversaries can bring the hurt, the pain, the loss so much closer.
But maybe you could try to use that day, in part, to "celebrate her"??
Perhaps write down some of the happier memories you have of her, bring them more to the forefront of your mind........try to allow them to comfort you, try to allow yourself to smile at some of them.
There is so very much more to her than being gone, probably a lot you can cherish about her memory........and those things aren't gone, they're still in your heart. Those things are yours to keep
And maybe do something to honour all of that, something personal whatever that is e.g. leave a rose, or a note to her somewhere meaningful to you or her..........whatever feels "right".
And the memories you have........."watching her die"...........well I'm guessing pretty vivid, and painful?? but perhaps try to see those from a different perspective.........you were there for her in those moments, I don't know if she knew or not (???), but she wasn't alone and she had someone caring there when it really mattered........it made it clear how much she mattered and how much you must have mattered to her.........it ultimately showed how meaningful your relationship was. So I guess I'm kind of saying focus as much on the sentiments, the meaning behind that memory than the "graphics" and the sense of loss. It was a special/meaningful time you shared.........if that makes any sense at all????
But yes, if you can.........try to bring forward the more "positive" memories.
And if it helps try to plan some things in for that day, so you have other things to focus on if you need them/to break up the day for you. But still go at your own pace on that day........if you can't face doing things, that's OK, or if you need to find some kind of "escape" for the day/something to do/somewhere to go that's OK too.
And if you need to talk, to "let out" some of those feelings...........we're here for you as well.

Alison