finally able/willing to grieve

four years ago, my life was a mess. I was dealing with many things........getting into grad school, losing a father, my drastic mental decline and a revelation of past events, just to name a few......but the best thing that I had during that time was my constant companion and service dog. He was the joy of my life. I'd had him for six years by that point. at this time, however, the many stressors of life and my worsening depression caused a lack of self-care, which carried on through to the dog. In short, I lost him since I wasn't taking care of him the way that he needed. I just shut that chapter of my life off from the rest as a time of total failure and refused to look at it again. That is, until this weekend. I started to remember the good times as well as the bad with my baby boy. and I started missing him. today in therapy I processed the memories and feelings it brought up. I was finally able to grieve my loss and forgive myself for letting my beautiful pup down. There is no excuse for abusing/neglecting an animal, but I finally see how messed up my life was at the time and can understand how taking care of an animal was not the best idea for me. I was truly doing the best I could. since the session today, I have regrouped and feel ready once more to reconnect with the organization I got him from and see if they're willing to give me a second chance with a dog. I've left a voicemail and an email. We shall see what they say soon, I hope.
I am greatly relieved at having the chance to grieve my losses and restart a new chapter in my life. thanks for going on this journey with me.
Toes

Welcome to Psych Central, toesquasher. Sorry for the grief you feel from your loss and thank you for sharing your story. Letting go of our shortcomings poses a big challenge.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. You are part of the community now. Feel free to read and respond to other's posts as well. when you have 5 posts or answers to other's posts you can also get into chat.

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, tell your doctor or psychiatrist when you can see them and tell them what is happening so they can make adjustments.

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