[mrmag]

Im not sure what to think, the optimistic side of me still believes that she is alive but has no time to come on, but the rational side of me almost knows she has done something horrible to herself. one of the last times we spoke she had mentioned that she was no longer able to take it, unable to go any longer. a week or so after that she has not come on the sight since, and im starting to lose hope. Im not sure that i have cared for anyone more than her, i knew her life story and she knew mine. i haven't been near this sorrow since my brother was hit and killed by a car. i still have some hope that she is alive and hasn't taken her life yet. im not sure how long it will take me to be able to cope with this if she truly is dead, but hope beyond hope that she is still living, because im not sure if i can take much of a hit like this, its hard losing someone you care this much for and know this well and im hoping things will change and she returns but i can't say for certain that she is alive or dead, im still hoping for the best tho, and may my optimistic side be right.

[kaliope]

I am sorry that you are caught in this limbo of not knowing. it must be awful feeling so powerless in constant wonder. you can always choose the positive route in not knowing. people leave for many reasons when they are feeling down. it may be that she admitted herself to the hospital and is unable to access a computer. whatever the reason, you can choose to hope the best and believe in it. i lost a friend from this site once. i somehow thought it was my fault because i wasnt able to help her enough. but in the end, i was content knowing she was in a better place as corny as that sounds. her suffering was ended. and i was at peace for her with that.