[epoxy969]

Hello,

I am a 30 year old guy and I have never been an "emotional" person, it takes a lot to make me cry, I can pretty much count the times Ive cried in the last 15 years on just one hand. The last time I cried, I think was a few years ago when my grand-dad died, and then I cried for at most 5-10 minutes and that was it.

I have an ability to just stop thinking about stuff that hurts, like really stop thinking about it. To the Point that I almost cant start thinking about it even if I try, its just fuzzy images in my head. I have long thought that this "coldness" in me might be some kind of a disorder.

But now to my question. 2 days ago I opened my newspaper and read the article about the singer Christina Grimmie being shot dead at her consert this past Friday. And for some reason I alomst immediately got this strong feeling of grief and sadness and the feeling is still here, 2 days later, I cant stop thinking about it and reading articles online about it, it really touched me deeply, like nothing have done before in my life? And the thingh is that I had never heard about Christina before reading that article, I didnt know who she was, I never listened to her music before, nothing. But still her death affected me deeply for som reason? What can this mean?

I have never felt this way before, when my biggest idols has passed away before it has always been like "oh ok, too bad, whatever" and then move on. And as I wrote above, its has almost been this way whenever a loved on has passed away too.

Why do I feel this way now, for a stranger too me? And why do I feel this way to just this perticular person and nobody else? And what do I do about it?

[thesnowqueen]

I'm not sure why but it seems that the account you read somehow unlocked a lot of emotion that you have repressed. The locking away of emotion seems like an early defence system that might well be impeding your ability to live and feel fully. Is therapy an option?

[bounceback]

Maybe it makes you think of your own immortality. You guys are both around the same age. Maybe you connect with her because of that plus it was a pretty senseless way she died and so unexpected. You might want to look deep inside. I think the answers are there. Hugs to you.

[CANDC]

hi epoxy. I am aware how seemingly small triggers can set off strong emotions in me. I wonder if this kind of trauma happened at a time when you are vulnerable and open and perhaps questioning life. It reminds me of this article on trauma causing intense emotions.
"The essential psychological effect of trauma is a shattering of innocence. Trauma creates a loss of faith that there is any safety, predictability, or meaning in the world, or any safe place in which to retreat. It involves utter disillusionment. Because traumatic events are often unable to be processed by the mind and body as other experiences are, due to their overwhelming and shocking nature, they are not integrated or digested. The trauma then takes on a life of its own and, through its continued effects, haunts the survivor and prevents normal life from continuing until the person gets help."
Understanding the Effects of Trauma: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Psych Central

"Hyperarousal is when the traumatized person’s physiology is in high gear, having been assaulted by the psychological impact of what happened and not able to reset. The symptoms of hyperarousal include: difficulty sleeping and concentrating, being easily startled, irritability, anger, agitation, panic, and hypervigilance (being hyper-alert to danger)."

We all have traumas in our lives. They are like landmines waiting for us to step on them again. Even seemingly inane events can trigger intense emotions. Have you talked to a therapist about this? The death of that singer may just be the tip of the iceberg metaphorically speaking in terms of what is buried in your own mind.

"Successful treatment of PTSD allows the traumatic feelings and memories to become conscious and integrated – or digested – so that the symptoms are no longer needed and eventually go away. This process of integration allows the trauma to become a part of normal memory rather than something to be perpetually feared and avoided, interfering with normal life, and frozen in time. Recovery involves feeling empowered, reestablishing a connection to oneself, feelings, and other people, and finding meaning in life again. Recovery allows patients to heal so that they can resume living."

[Pikku Myy]

For me, it isI information overload. I can't handle watching news after 911. I feel for you and hope you are better right now.

[ModestGoddess]

I have similarily irrational "grief spells" when I think about losing my cat. We are safe, and he is healthy; there's no reason to expect this before he has led a full life. But I still sometimes have obsessive thoughts of his traumatic death that bring me to tears. Any thoughts on how to handle this?