[thesnowqueen]

My therapist (for 8 years) died unexpectedly 2 months ago. I didn't get the SMS and after hearing the news rather randomly I pitched up on the doorstep for his wife to confirm which was unfortunately probably traumatic for her

On the one month anniversary I bought her a bonsai and she seemed to like it and I would like to do something for tomorrow. Should I leave flowers at the gate, or should I ring the buzzer to give them to her. I don't want to be intrusive. I could also just leave a card in the postbox.

I also thought of leaving something less generic - like specially sourced coffee beans (I know he liked his occasional "good" cup and I assume she did too?) But maybe that's too personal?

Can anyone help?

[Skeezyks]

Hello thesnowqueen: Since you posted this Thread yesterday, & you were wondering about what you might do "tomorrow", perhaps the time period for which you were inquiring here has already come-&-gone and you've already done whatever it is you decided to do. If so, I hope it was well received. I would have to say that, personally, I would have recommended you simply let this go at this point. I'm assuming that your therapist's wife has been traumatized by the unexpected loss of her husband. She needs the support of close friends & relatives. And you did already make one very thoughtful gesture. My thinking would have been that it would be best to simply let it go at that. I wish you well...

[thesnowqueen]

Yes, I brought flowers but also realised I f**ked up. Not sure what I wanted but anyway, nothing I can do now. She just basically asked why. And I guess I thought that since most people would have just gone on with their lives it might still be nice to give something - but what I said was 'just to cheer you up a little', which really sounded stupid. And she asked if I was ok, and I said yes. Then I spent the rest of the day in tears. Oh well, one more stupid thing to add to the long list.

[thesnowqueen]

Really want to SH

*but editing to say I didn't and won't...*