how to deal with this...

so today was my first holiday without the person that I normally spend holidays with!!! it was two and a half weeks ago that my Grandma died!

usually on holidays, her six kids would do their own things with their families (exception would be xmas). [three lived within 15 mins of her, one was over an hour away, one was three hours away, and the last one lived five states away] so for the holidays since she couldn't really travel, my Grandma would be brought out to my parents house for a meal or two and then we'd do an afternoon of playing cards. my Grandma loved to play cards, only one game in particular.

I'm single and live alone, and with basically everyone in my entire family "paired", my Grandma was 'my pair' so to speak. and today was almost worse than I thought it was gonna be. I was alone - just like I thought! I'm pretty certain no one thought of me. (i've got no one) and all this just took 'this pain' to a whole new level.....

Easter is bad for me, too.

I’ve no family. I drove my friends away. I’ve been up for way over 24-hours.

I have never been so very alone. Going to Easter mass was always a big deal.

This is a morbid loneliness. A malignant loneliness. A loneliness bacteria. A final desertion, the last abandonment. I’m not just missing specific people, I’m missing anyone. You miss your grandmother — understandable.

Holidays are the worst.

Hi jrae. I am so sorry for your loss. Holidays can be ever worse for grief and loss as we remember good times we had.

Awww you sound really close to your grandma. It must be rough without her. I sometimes am glad when holidays are over as I go back to the routine. Even the routine of doing my regular activities gives me some consolation.

Hope you get the support you are looking for.