I was lucky growing up. My Moms parents, my grandparents were always
around, Even when my grandfather was transferred away. They called all
the time and came to visit often.
I even had a great grandmother my grandmothers mom. She lived to be very old .
To my that set of grandparents family was family. I can remember
being a little girl and my grandmother had a plastic container under
the car seat with peppermints in it. Always given one.
My Grandparents always held hands as I have said before up till they
passed. Which was in their 90s.
No one was perfect on that side either, as I have said my parents
had issues.
My Dads side that was a different story.I never met my grandfather on
that side till late teens.In fact he lived a few towns over ,He came
into my life when my Dad had his nervous break down.A secret.. One I now will
never get to know fully. I have bits and pieces but not enough to hold the glue
together. A few weeks ago while going threw pictures. From my Dads
side I came across 2 pictures of my step grandmother. I thought it was
my real grandmothers picture. As she looked so much like me and my
sister when young. I turned the picture over and my step grandmothers
name was there. Which put her in place before My dad and his brothers
were born. My greatgrandparents owned on a big farm. Which backed up to a Indian
reservation. My step grandmother was Indian. For those who do not know
me.My grandmother passed away when my dad was young. He and his
brothers were put in a orphanage. Sorry this is so long and full of
prolly to much.
As long as I can remember the question was asked why do you look
Indian? I had put that question to rest till I found the pictures.
Then I thought of my Dads aunt. My great aunt. Who had given me some
details I did not know after my parents passed away. She told me to
call her daughter my cousin who would fill in the rest. Well that
cousin felt I did not need to know. I has asked at first when my son
was ill and I needed family background history for the Drs.
I am getting to long winded. lol
Yesterday morning I put my great aunts name into google to see if her
phone # had changed. Low and behold it has. There was her obit. She
passed away in march. I am only 3 hours away.
Someone could have called. Or sent a note. This Aunt was always in my
life too, Was always in My Dads life.
I looked at the obit and cryed. She was old . I was blessed to have
her so many years. As only a few made it that long. And she was ever
so kind to me always. I will miss her.......
After I cryed I was then angry. As her daughter could have contacted
me. This cousin played the organ at the church in town. I was good
enough for her when I asked her to play at my Other grandparents and
both my parents services. I was good enough when I handed her the
envelope after that.. tipped her for her service. She could pick up
the phone when my parents passed and asked for a marble top table and
2 embroidered pictures that my parents had, I gave them to her.
But not good enough to call when her mom died.
I did not post yesterday as I had to tell my daughter and my sister,
They both had finals yesterday. So I waited till they were done. My
daughter being like the young me . I knew how she would react.
She knew as soon as I said my aunts name what was coming. She thought
it had just happened, when she found out it was mths ago. She was so
upset. Angry.
I understand her feeling as trust me this coming out a whole lot
less angry then what i feel. My cousin has a brother and he was no
angel., That's all i am going to say about that.
I came to a decision last night . I am going to send her a card and
call her and tell her I am sorry for her loss. As i am so very sorry.
I think for all of us.........
With my aunt passing so does what ever secert there was . Let that
rest in peace too. Does not matter. As My daughter and I and my sister
pretty well know the truth.
And in life does it really matter. It does not change me or my kids
one way or another. I know the truth................
May my Aunt rest in peace .May my cousin find peace with in her
thats the only way I can come to terms with it.
((ty)) for listening sorry it was so long

Muffin -- I'm sorry for your loss.

I just lost the "last" one on my father's side too. It's a strange feeling, isn't it? I think our inner kids really hold on tight to our relatives after our parents die. It keeps us connected. When the last one goes, well, it's hard to describe. The loss is huge.

Family dysfuntion, secrets and people's true colors seem to show themselves much more clearly in times of stress and sorrow.

DO NOT let your cousin make you feel "less than." It simply is not true.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR SHARING.

[notz]

Thank you Muffy, I'm glad you shared. There's just no accounting for what some people do sometimes and how they do it. I admire the graciousness of your chosen response.

If I were looking for relatives, I'd pick you or look for the the qualities that you embrace us with day in & day out. You're a good woman.

May she rest in peace, her and all the secrets.

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

Muffin -- I'm sorry for your loss.

I just lost the "last" one on my father's side too. It's a strange feeling, isn't it? I think our inner kids really hold on tight to our relatives after our parents die. It keeps us connected. When the last one goes, well, it's hard to describe. The loss is huge.

Family dysfuntion, secrets and people's true colors seem to show themselves much more clearly in times of stress and sorrow.

DO NOT let your cousin make you feel "less than." It simply is not true.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR SHARING.

aww(((orange)))))))))))))Im sorry. for your loss
That is true about holding on tight to the ones left.
secrets and true colors you got it there ..
I won't let her make me feel bad, I did was hurt at first that dirt feeling came back. Gone now thou
Its so sad ppl , familys can not really talk .......
(((TY))(((((((((orange)))))))))))))))))))

Originally Posted by notz

Thank you Muffy, I'm glad you shared. There's just no accounting for what some people do sometimes and how they do it. I admire the graciousness of your chosen response.

If I were looking for relatives, I'd pick you or look for the the qualities that you embrace us with day in & day out. You're a good woman.

May she rest in peace, her and all the secrets.

aww((notz))))))((ty)))
well Im almost out of them
you can be a realtive
((ty)) for saying I was gracious. trust for a bit in my head yesterday I was not

[nowheretorun]

((muffy))))))) sorry i havent replied to you earlier on this, my internet acess has been come and go for a long time now.. i want you to know how deeply i feel your pain at not being told about your aunts passing, not a nice thing to be left out of at all.. im sure your cousin had some reason for not letting you know when it happened but i guess she didnt know that it would hurt you being left out like that.. im so very proud of you that you knew the right thing to do when you found out by sending her a card and good wishes.. that i think is the part of you i respect and admire so much, that even tho others seemed thoughtless, you yourself are not at all and knew what the right thing to do was by not getting so angry that you couldnt remember to send love and caring to your cousin... i know you will find peace in your own heart that you have done what you believed in and i pray the others will learn from your kind example.. all my love always dear one

((nowheretorun))))))))))))))
no sorrys. ((ty)) kind one. What ever her reasons were for not telling makes no matter now. I never asked why.
Sent the card and called her and said how sorry i was.
thank you for all your kind words .
As you know sometimes in life you have to let the small things go.
I would have liked to have been there thou.
Such is life thou....
I feel bad she lost her Mom. The rest is history now
love always kind one

[(JD)]

(((MUFFY))) No problem on the longer than usual post, it was well written and interesting. I'm sorry to hear of the situation that caused it though.

Family can be...well? Family.

I'm sorry that you found out about the secret and yet was unable to fully find out about it. I really think that happens in most families. Consider all the secrets that you never found out about, and yet they don't bother you...

I know there are secrets in every family. There are things I haven't told others, just because it wouldn't do any "good." I have no need to bring them up to gain revenge or pity or anything, and the information isn't needed -such as some of yours was regarding family history stuff.

I believe once we are passed from this physical body that we will "know" everything, just as God does now. He knows all the secrets kept. I trust Him to know which ones I truly need to know, and which ones I don't.

Originally Posted by _Sky

(((MUFFY))) No problem on the longer than usual post, it was well written and interesting. I'm sorry to hear of the situation that caused it though.

Family can be...well? Family.

I'm sorry that you found out about the secret and yet was unable to fully find out about it. I really think that happens in most families. Consider all the secrets that you never found out about, and yet they don't bother you...

I know there are secrets in every family. There are things I haven't told others, just because it wouldn't do any "good." I have no need to bring them up to gain revenge or pity or anything, and the information isn't needed -such as some of yours was regarding family history stuff.

I believe once we are passed from this physical body that we will "know" everything, just as God does now. He knows all the secrets kept. I trust Him to know which ones I truly need to know, and which ones I don't.

(((sky)))))))))((ty))))
Family can be family.thats very true.I agree every family has secrets.
I truly was never upset to find out any family secret. A little stunded at times. Always felt the truth sets you free.....
upset my cousin did not call on the death of my aunt ,yes i was.,
There really is no doubt in my mind on the rest of the so called secret as I call it. That one you can see very plain. which does make me happy.
The one part my aunt told me is in the past. very much so.
The rest is in the color of the wind..............
((ty))) so much for caring

[nightbird]

(((((((Muffy & Family)))))))

I'm sorry that I just saw this.... and I hope that solace comes quickly to you and all that is yours.

I too, know how important it is for you to do the kind and compassionate thing ~ and you have.

So, this did not change you in anyway. I'm so glad because we love you as wonderful as you are!

It's so difficult to understand situations sometimes, especially why their are exclusions of others when it's absolutely not necessary, but rather, quite important to them to be a part of the proceedings and know the information.

Some can be so over-protective of what they perceive only belongs to them, even people like aunts and mothers and fathers and such, to a fault, and it hurts others.

I'm sorry this sad news about the loss of a Dear and precious Aunt didn't reach you in time ... and that it caused your absence at the wake and her funeral and afterwards.

Maybe you can have a memorial for her for you and your family at your local church or temple. If you did this, you might even feel, if appropriate, to invite your Aunts family for a new beginning after such a sad loss in your life.

I was able to have a special service at a church nearby me, that I wasn't even a member of, for my beloved grandparent that passed away a few years back... as I could not get there in time (across the country) after my notice I received.

It made me feel better, and closer to my Grandfather... and all I had to do was give a very small donation to the church for the gift of having my goodbye held in a special place he would have loved, (and having the place practically to myself), with the priest adding his name to the litany of prayers that morning.

My condolences to you and your precious family, Dear Muffy.

(and I'm terribly sorry this happened to you, who is deserving of everything nice and considerate and loving)

Peace and Sadness for your Loss,
Night
xoxo

(nightbird)))))))))))))))) my friend , sorry i missed your post before
you are such a sweet kind person ((ty)) for being the person you are.

you said ((Some can be so over-protective of what they perceive only belongs to them,)))))
you are so right there.

as always my dear one ((ty))