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#1
Jan 01, 2009, 05:13 PM
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I posted about this in one of the other forums. The doctor wrote orders for hospice to come in for my Mom. I know she's terminal. Well, my head knows she's terminal. My heart is another matter. "Terminal" is supposed to mean some undefined future event. Hospice means sooner rather than later. I'm not as ready for this as I thought I was.
Been crying steadily for an hour now. No big boohoo bawling, just tears running down my face. Again, my head knows it's not only OK to, it's good to cry. The tender part of me wants it to stop hurting. That part wants it to all go away. My dad used to drink to avoid feeling. I work like demon (10-12 hour days) to avoid feeling. I want to be a mature, responsible adult and eal with this. At the same time I don't want to hurt. I want to run and hide. Sorry, I'm rambling.... The truly sucky part of this is that my mom is the one I always used to turn to when life hurt. I'm blessed that Mom and I can talk about what's happening and how we each feel about it. It's not the same somehow though. aw *crud* (and that's not the word I really want to use!) I'm crying too hard to see the keyboard anymore people I need hugs... PLEASE |
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#2
Jan 01, 2009, 05:44 PM
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((HUG)) I am so sorry. I read your post and I hear what you are saying. Let me know what I can do if anything.
stephanie
__________________
 Happy fall my friends
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#3
Jan 01, 2009, 05:46 PM
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__________________
Happy fall my friends
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 lizardlady
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#4
Jan 01, 2009, 06:05 PM
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THANK YOU!!!!
The hugs gave me a smile! Back at ya!
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#5
Jan 02, 2009, 12:41 AM
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(((((((((( lizardlady ))))))))))
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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| lizardlady
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#6
Jan 02, 2009, 03:44 PM
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lots of big safe gentle hugs ((((((((lizardlady))))))))
__________________
i was diagnosed with DID 4 years ago although sometimes i deny this disorder. |
| lizardlady
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#7
Jan 02, 2009, 04:36 PM
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{{{{{{{{{lizaradlady}}}}}}}}} Sorry to hear about what happen.You must remember unfortunatly these things are never easy to deal with.But I think I can stand for evry one at pc by saying we are all here for you if you need us.
__________________
I am the husband of gimmeice |
| lizardlady
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#8
Jan 03, 2009, 11:29 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((( lizardlady ))))))))))))))))))))
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| lizardlady
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#9
Jan 03, 2009, 01:37 PM
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w r u today? How is your mom.
__________________
Happy fall my friends
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#10
Jan 03, 2009, 04:26 PM
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(((((lizardlady)))) my thoughs are with you
muffy |
| lizardlady
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#11
Jan 04, 2009, 07:02 PM
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Many many warm hugs for you. You and your mom are in my thoughts.
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."  Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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| lizardlady
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#12
Jan 06, 2009, 08:21 PM
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Haven't been emotionally able to come in this forum for a few days. I'm feeling emotionally very fragile right now. Being around other people's grief is triggering right now.
Mom is probably doing better than I am right now. I visited her Sunday night. Will go see her tomorrow. Cognitively she was doing pretty well Sunday. She was fairly well oriented and her memory wasn't too bad. The edema in her legs (due to kidney failure) is getting worse though. Me? I'm an emotional wreck. Went back to work yesterday after five days off. I'm miserable at home because I have too much time to think and hurt. I'm distracted and irritable at work. I almost went off on my boss today because he was being a moron. That would not have been a good choice on my part. Grief keeps sneaking up on me. I'm going through my day doing whatever and something will hit me out of the blue. I was walking through the drug store tonight. Walked passed the leftover Christmas stuff they were selling off. All of a sudden I had to fight tears when I thought I probably won't have anymore Christmases with Mom. I've been down the grief path way too many times already. I know how it goes. Fer gawd's sake I'm a therapist! I know the stages of grief and all that "stuff". Doesn't make it any easier to cope though. |
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#13
Jan 07, 2009, 01:05 AM
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Being a therapist doesn't necessarily make it easier to deal with your own pain. My therapist thinks I should be able to find my own answers, since I can for other people. It's just not the same. Emotions complicate things.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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| lizardlady
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#14
Jan 07, 2009, 09:24 AM
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(((((Lizardlady)))) Hugs for you and your mum in this difficult time xxx |
| lizardlady
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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