[horsecab]

I am grieving the loss of a friend, love, and hope. No she didn't pass, but only from my life. I'm AvPD and have a hard time with relationships to begin with. But last year I met a friend on another website that I really hit it off with. We became fast friends and chatted and IMed for hours at a time. She was married, (unhappily), and lived three thousand miles away and lead a different life than I, but on the inside I felt a connection to my soul I had never felt with anyone before. I couldn't help but fall in love with her. I was actually thinking that this was to work out in a way that would end my loneliness. Well, I could deal with reality, when she reminded me she was married, and committed to working it out. But then she developed feelings for someone else from the website. A pain I couldn't take. When I found out, I reacted jealously and sent her a hurtful email. Now she won't talk with me, and hasn't forgiven me. I think I've probably blown the whole thing out of proportion with the other on line guy, cause she still claims intent to stay with her husband. But I can't take back what I've already said. I miss the friend so much that she was and now that it's been over 6 weeks, and still no forgiveness from her I am trying to accept the painful truth that I will have to let go of this woman. Grieving the hope of love that never was, and the wonderful friendship I had with her that I now can't get back. It's sooo hard, cause I know I have to let go. But the closeness I felt to her, and the hope I had I have not experienced very often in my life with my problems. Everyday that goes by without hearing from her is another step lower into depression. Facing a truth that I don't want to accept.

[Lenny]

I know it is hard horsecab...it always is to let go of those we Love...

But,,as you shared,,you must respect her wishes regarding her personal life and marrage. If she wishes to work on/through it,,then it is "just" that you allow her...

Often,,the best way to move forward in feelings, is to move forward in action. Do something different in your real life,,even if you must force yourself..Join a club,,take a class,,,volunteer...but do somthing new and different. It will help,,,that I can promise you.

With Care,

Lenny