[Nemo39122]

...but don't think I'll ever really get any answers. I still have to try.

First, a little history so you even know what this is about. When I was 3 months old my dad threw me. Skull fracture, 3 days in a coma, blood transfusion, about a month in the hospital, anti-seizure meds for several months, etc....The only thing that I know for sure is a result of it is a big "blind spot" in peripheral vision on the right side. I suspect some coordination issues (especially on the right side) too, but don't really know.

There must be some other effects I don't know about. My mom mentioned when telling me all this that she noticed "other things" that I "compensated for." I didn't ask at the time she told me (about a year and a half ago) what she meant, and just can't ask her about any of it now. It took me 3 days to even be able to finish this thread. I need to know, but doubt I ever really will. Any similar experiences? Any guesses?

Here's the other problem. I've tried doing research before posting this, but...

-There's nothing that I've found out there about effects of this type of thing 18 years later.

-There's nothing that I've found out there about this type of thing happening at such a young age, AND effects of it 18 years later.

-The most depressing part....I just can't find much at all about this type of injury happening at that age, and the baby surviving. In ANY case I've found that's similar to mine, the baby dies. If it was bad enough that any similar cases are fatal, there must be some other problems from it, right?...

I know I probably won't get any answers here....or anywhere. I have to at least try.

[pegasus]

I'm sorry that happened to you, that's truly dreadful. Have you tried asking your Doctor? Brain injury can cause all sorts of problems depending on the area of injury. For example, a frontal injury can lead to personality changes or epilepsy, it really depends where it was. Ask your Doctor, I'm sure he would be happy to help you.

[Perna]

I think, because you were so young, survived, etc. that the "compensation" was truly your young body wholly "fixing" what might not have been fixable at an older age. The rest, what you observe now, is like a congenital condition. It's kind of like if you broke your arm, that would heal and that bone be stronger and you wouldn't know/care that you broke your arm.

My niece had her father holding her as a young child and he fell and her leg got trapped between his and broke it but it took a couple days before they noticed that, whereas before she could pull herself up in her crib, now she could not. She didn't cry, wasn't in pain, etc., it's just that really really young bones, tissues, etc. are still forming and "plastic" in many senses. She wore a cast for awhile but now, 40-some years later, it might as well have not happened at all.

No way to tell, before you were walking, talking, "thinking", etc. what you "could" have done differently? Our brains rewire all the time and fix things that way; being left-handed (as I am) is actually a difference in chemicals and conditions (stress) in the mother's body before the child is born, a "defect" of sorts but. . . who cares 18 years later?

Yes, I'll may die before other, right-handed people because the world is set up for the 90% of people who are right-handed but that's just something I'm born with. In your case, your father was not a fit father, in my case my mother was ill and dying when I was in utero. I wish I had known my mother, you wish you knew what you were born with versus what you know and imagine now of your physical strengths and weaknesses. No way to know those things now I don't think.

i am sorry to hear what happened to you. you are probably right, a lot of babies who had this happen did not survive so there are few reports of what eventually became of survivors. perhaps it's just one of those mysteries of life that we all have to live with. it might be best to just focus on the present since you are dealing with side-effects from what happened than worry about what happened in the past. i know it sounds harsh but staying in the present is so important.

i was born 5.5 weeks premature. there was a lot of bleeding when i was born and both my mother and i were given last rites. somehow, we both survived. my mother was actually discharged from the hospital first; i was put in incubation and stayed a few more days on my own. my relationship with my mother has always been rocky and sometimes i believe that she sees me as someone who tried to kill her when i was born. of course, that thought is ridiculous but it's always in the back of my mind to explain her cold treatment of me. will i ever know the answer - no, probably not. just like i will never know if the isolation from being incubated and denied of human touch so early in life has affected my relationships. (frankly, i think it has.) still, i will never know for sure. i guess that's one of life's conditions. there is so much about ourselves that we would like to know but never will. despite the negative effects such things have had or may have had on my development, i just try to stay in the present and deal with what i've been dealt. frankly, being in the present is hard enough!

i know it cannot be easy to deal with the emotional and physical affects of what happened to you. and, since you probably have no memory of the event, it makes it even more complex. i hope you find forgiveness for those who harmed you and gratitude for the life you have.