[FeelingLost]

I'm new here, and have been looking around to see if anyone else is dealing with issues similar to mine. I was born with serious heart defects that weren't fixed when I was a kid -- it was too dangerous back in the late 1950s when heart-lung pumps were still new. I didn't get corrective surgery until I was a young adult on my own, and took matters into my own hands. The delay caused long term health problems for me. It's not enough to cause me to be "disabled" but it's enough that my life hasn't been normal. I've never been able to engage in exercise or outdoor activities that so many people use for socialization. And on top of things, the heart surgery (and all other surgery) has resulted in disfiguring hypertrophied scars.

I feel so alone sometimes. Men will talk to me, or even go out to dinner, but when they find out that I can't play tennis, run, ski, or do the other sports they are interested in, then they lose interest and move on to someone more physically fit. And if they get past that part and want to get a bit physical -- well, that when the scars on my chest, tummy, and back take center stage.

It's hard enough being a middle age, single woman. A middle aged man is seen as "distinguished" but a woman of 50 is just seen as "old." But it's really depressing and absolutely frustrating to be a middle aged woman who has physical limitations and scarring from multple surgeries. It's almost to the point where I don't want to even try anymore. I'm tired of being shot down by men who find out about my limitations only to tell me they really would rather go out with someone who can share their interest in cycling, or running, or other physical activity. Or be discarded by a man who can't see past the scars on my chest and body.

Am I the only one out here dealing with this type of situation? Am I alone, or is anyone else grappling with a complicated mid-life issue like mine? Help and support would be greatly appreciated.

i'm sorry that you are experiencing so much pain right now.......however, i feel that there will be a man who understands and would spend time for you because of "you"........

i've had countless surgeries on my left breast and i understand how you feel about scarring and such......but, it saved our lives and we have that to be grateful for. if you can look at it as a positive scarring patttern, try that. i may even get a tattoo on mine..seriously.......

mid-life is hard. we're not young and firm and really trim, but our hearts haven't changed. unfortunately society worships youth and it's hard to deal with that sometimes. personally, i don't give a ---- about it, but that's just me. i figure i have it all over the "bimbos" because i've lived so much more and done so many more things.....it's got so much to do with how we project "ourselves". it really does. confident and friendly, open and a a good heart. i just try to lead with my heart and let things fall as they may..........

i hope i've helped you......PM me if you need to.........xoxoxo pat