[Pint-Sized Punker]

Sigh.

This is something that's been bothering me for a while. A lot of folks around my age (I'm 25) are having, planning on having or have had children as of late. This isn't something I've ever been especially interested in. In fact, I find children largely irritating, a drain on finances and at times, a little unnecessary given the declining state of the world over the past decade or so. Folks seem to pop them out willy-nilly these days just because they have the want. Hand me a baby, and I won't have a single clue what to do. I'll probably put it down on the floor as y' do in The Sims or something.

Most notably, this seems to be more of a big deal in the US than in the UK. It's probably a cultural thing with the whole 'American Dream, Nuclear Family' deal that gets peddled across the pond. Doing a little research, I know I'm not the only woman in the world who thinks this way regardless of where we come from, but it doesn't stop these feelings of expectation or my being less as a woman on the whole.

I've even had thoughts about sterilisation in the future because I'd rather focus on a career and, if my partner and I do end up wanting children, there are other routes such as adoption that we can look at instead. I realise that I'm young, but for the love of f***, the last thing I want is for people to turn around and give me the whole 'you'll regret it' spiel when, again, there's more than one way to have a child. Chill out; I'm not about to run to the docs and get my tubes tied, and whether or not I choose to do that is my own business.

Still, I was wondering - hoping, almost - that someone here felt the same way, male or female (hence this isn't in the Women's forum). Am I normal, being a woman, to not have a single metaphorically maternal bone in my body? Is it okay if I don't particularly like to be around children? Will the world see this as another reason to label me, besides the blue mohawk?

Honestly, there's plenty of stuff in my own life that I could do with getting sorted without adding a child to the mix.

To reiterate a little more blatantly; my partner isn't entirely fussed about having children either. We've spoken at length about the idea and we're happy as we are. That said, it doesn't stop me from wondering whether I'm doing something wrong.

[Deejay14]

Originally Posted by Pint-Sized Punker

Sigh.

This is something that's been bothering me for a while. A lot of folks around my age (I'm 25) are having, planning on having or have had children as of late. This isn't something I've ever been especially interested in. In fact, I find children largely irritating, a drain on finances and at times, a little unnecessary given the declining state of the world over the past decade or so. Folks seem to pop them out willy-nilly these days just because they have the want. Hand me a baby, and I won't have a single clue what to do. I'll probably put it down on the floor as y' do in The Sims or something.

Most notably, this seems to be more of a big deal in the US than in the UK. It's probably a cultural thing with the whole 'American Dream, Nuclear Family' deal that gets peddled across the pond. Doing a little research, I know I'm not the only woman in the world who thinks this way regardless of where we come from, but it doesn't stop these feelings of expectation or my being less as a woman on the whole.

I've even had thoughts about sterilisation in the future because I'd rather focus on a career and, if my partner and I do end up wanting children, there are other routes such as adoption that we can look at instead. I realise that I'm young, but for the love of f***, the last thing I want is for people to turn around and give me the whole 'you'll regret it' spiel when, again, there's more than one way to have a child. Chill out; I'm not about to run to the docs and get my tubes tied, and whether or not I choose to do that is my own business.

Still, I was wondering - hoping, almost - that someone here felt the same way, male or female (hence this isn't in the Women's forum). Am I normal, being a woman, to not have a single metaphorically maternal bone in my body? Is it okay if I don't particularly like to be around children? Will the world see this as another reason to label me, besides the blue mohawk?

Honestly, there's plenty of stuff in my own life that I could do with getting sorted without adding a child to the mix.

To reiterate a little more blatantly; my partner isn't entirely fussed about having children either. We've spoken at length about the idea and we're happy as we are. That said, it doesn't stop me from wondering whether I'm doing something wrong.

No shame in not wanting children. I knew at 22 that I did not want children.I came from a large close family of 9. My parents were totally okay with my decision. It's far better to know before you have one that parenting isn't for you. That being said at 57 I have nieces and nephews as well as their children that i enjoy. Don't fret over this.Never once regretted my decision.

[*Laurie*]

Some people want children, some don't. I did, very much. I really wanted to, and love, being a mom. My daughter is 32 and she and her husband are both on intense career tracks; neither want children. Doing what works for you is what's important.

[~Christina]

My daughter is 27 , she does not want a child , at all and she has felt that way for a long time. She will admit she’s selfish and I always disagree. Im proud of her for making a important decision.

[Moreta]

I tried to have kids, it didn't work out. I don't want kids now and ask the OBGYN every year when I have my yearly if I can just get a hysterectomy. The answer is always no though. I wish they'd just take it all out so I could get off depo provera. Only on it cause my periods make me coocoo for coco puffs, so it's better that I not have one. I'm not really a fan of kids and still think babies are ugly. I might adopt one day if we ever have money but it would be a teenager, cause I like teenagers for some weird reason. (originally majored in middle grades math in school until I looked at the pay scale). I'm glad we don't have a kid cause financially we couldn't afford one, can barely afford the **** I need now.

[splitimage]

I never wanted kids. In my 20's and 30's I was focussed on my career and getting my MBA. That plus my being an alcoholic, I knew I would be a terrible Mom. Now I'm post menopause, so I'm past that - but no regrets.

I also don't particularly like children. I find them for the most part annoying, until they hit their teens.

If I want a child fix, I can always visit my great neices and nephews.

splitimage

[whisperingskye]

Nothing wrong with not wanting children. I’m 27 and have known for years that I don’t want kids. I find them annoying too. I don’t really know what to do with them.

Nothing wrong at all, it's an individual choice, as long as both partners think the same way why should anyone else have an opinion.

[ShadowGX]

I too don't want kids for the same reasons as you. I know I won't be able to handle babies and very young kids. The only way I will consider a child is if a guy I fall in love with wants to adopt and is willing to do so with an older child because I think I would be able to handle an older child and it would be nice to get a kid out of foster care who has a much lower chance of someone wanting them. I don't want to add to the population when there's so many kids in need out there already.

I wish more people were honest about not wanting kids. I know a few people who only have kids because they had them on accident and didn't want to get an abortion or had them due to pressure from their mom or dad to give them grandchildren... It's sad because I've seen some of these children not be treated properly because they weren't really wanted or their parents just weren't ready and didn't know how to handle them. One of my best friends in high school was one such person. He turned out ok, but it was a pretty rough life for him and I admire what he ha become despite what he dealt with.

I don't want children. Never have.

[rechu]

I didn't want children when I was a kid, didn't when I was your age and still don't now in my 40s as I'm getting to the point where my fertile years will soon be over. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. If anything, there are a lot of people reproducing that really shouldn't be.

I think we are lucky in a way to be at a point in time where we have more choices as far as parenthood and it's not just assumed that everyone is going to have or must have children. I think it's a positive thing that people are starting to give it more thought.

I was in my 30s when a lot of friends started having children, kind of what you're going through now. Some got completely absorbed in parentood and drifted away, but others made an effort to maintain friendships, when the kids where young I did have to be a bit more flexible as far as scheduling thngs since they were very busy, obviously.

It's good to hear your partner is on the same page. I had to end a relationship over the issue. Now I'm married to someone that feels the same way that I do. In fact, just a few days ago he was saying that he was very glad he knew his mind and didn't give in to pressure to have children, because it wouldn't have been the right decision for him. Like me, he ended a realationship with an ex who wanted kids.

There are some online childfree forums you might want to search for if you want to connect with others who feel the same way.