[MuddyBoots]

Had a protein shake around 4am and an instant breakfast at 1pm today then walked around a little to hopefully help digest, but I feel still extremely full, nauseous, bloated, and there's still a little bit of the sharp pain that kicked in after I drank not-just-water both times.

It's quarter to 4 and I don't see myself able to swallow anything for dinner. This will be day three of having less than 1/2 of what the dietician at the hospital said I need for calorie intake (when I was in the hospital, not hiking a 2,000ft ascent/descent or walking 5 miles in failed attempts to feel less shytty). I really don't like feeling dizzy from not eating enough at the same time I feel nauseous from eating too much and right now even plain water is a struggle, let alone anything that might be interpreted by my body as food.

I don't even have a PCP right now and I will only go to an ER if someone can bring me out of state because I'm sure at the two I've been to here the nurses, security guards, and I all have some trauma-based hate of each other. I break someone's glasses and bite a guard, they pin me down by the tit and inject akathisia into my bones, it's not fun for anyone.


Would going to urgent care if I can't get an appointment with a new doc soon be any meaningful step? I've only been to one once as a teen and my dad complained that we wasted a bunch of money (more than the ER would've cost in our situation at the time) when he could've duct taped my skin together.

[MuddyBoots]

Ughh today I had a protein shake (started drinking it at 4am, finished around 7) but then threw up last night's noodles from soup and probably at least some of the shake. Before I left to get meds a little after 8 I grabbed a package of fruit snacks and felt like absolute shyt on my way over. Haven't had anything since and was planning on broth for lunch but I can't even look at food right now. I still feel nauseous and can barely stay hydrated. About to at least talk to my pdoc because at least she doesn't hear "my *** is falling out of my ***" and say "I'll treat you for a UTI." I tell her I'm having problems with sleep, and she tries to fix my sleep... what a fking concept!?!?!?!

[MuddyBoots]

If my watch is anything close to right, I've almost burned as many "active" calories as I've eaten today (let alone BMR/resting calories), and I thought I had a lot of calorically dense liquids (made a large drink with a protein shake, an instant breakfast, dry milk+water, and a banana and put some liquid IV in my water). I try to get as much as I can in the mornings because by this time of day I look at water and feel like I just ate a box of family sized Lucky Charms and is stuck on a never-ending cycle on the Turkish Twist.

If I cannot figure this out soon or don't somehow regain the ability to stomach more without feeling so atrocious I pray to a God I don't believe in to take me off this planet, I'm going to be losing 2+lbs a week. Even I fking know that's too much for anyone, let alone someone that doesn't even have "essential body fat."

[BeyondtheRainbow]

@MuddyBoots it sounds like your pdoc at least listens to you and has kept trying to help you (correct me if I'm wrong there). Would she listen if you told her that you are trying so hard to get nutrients in that you are needing to ask this question? Could she help get the GI consult through?

[MuddyBoots]

We talked about it for probably half my appointment on Tuesday. She said to keep focusing on soup and crackers and try to have Ensure or similar when I can, and it sounds like I definitely need to see a GI. I told her how I couldn't stand my PCP and I don't even think she made the referral she promised, and she asked if I'd be willing to see another provider but in the same program they have (it's like some integrated care for CMHCs and the PCP) and I said yes, she said they would work on that. I did get on a bunch of waitlists for a new PCP too.