Recently, I was researching a condition, solely out of curiosity since it was mentioned on a tv show. As I read the description of this condition, I felt like I was reading my son's life history. Tomorrow, my son meets his new family GP and I intend to ask him about this condition.

Throughout his life, teachers and doctors assessed him and various conditions have come into his medical vocabulary...Tourette's, ADD, Impulsive behaviour, Learning DIsorder, etc. Upon reading this description of Asperger, it seems like it is everything roled into one.

Doctors had him on Clonidine for tics, Risperidone for impulsive behaviour (and he is still on it), Ritalin for ADD which was a nightmarish treatment for him.

I want to hear a diagnosis just to get all of his separate problems answered.....and yet I don't want to hear it because I fear he might develop labels of himself as "disabled" or "different." It would certainly appease me to ge an answer to eveything, but will it just give him a personal identity of "different" and cause lower self-esteem?

I am so torn. Can anybody shed light on this condition and somebody's experience with this condition? I don't care if your knowledge of it is from personal experience, a parent's experience or a medical professional's perspective. Anybody, please help if you can. Thank you.

[sabby]

(((((((((( Ingridave2 ))))))))))))

I have worked with individuals with Aspergers and it can affect everyone differently. I also have friends who have Aspergers.

Aspergers is generally a higher functioning autism spectrum disorder. In many cases, people are able to learn skills to get by in the world. While they may be able to work in the community and have friendships and even get married and raise children, their personal world is very different from others. It seems their attachments to people is in very different ways than someone who doesn't have Aspergers.

I have found in my personal experience with folks who have Aspergers to be very bright and articulate. Many are quite artistic. To have Aspergers does not mean that the individual cannot live a fulfilling and productive life. What is important is to work with the individual on coping skills and teaching them how to connect as best they can.

There is a lot of help out there for folks along the autism spectrum. Some things work for some and not for others. It's sometimes quite a job to find what kind of treatment will help your son if indeed he is dx'd with Aspergers.

I will go find the links I've had for this disorder and post them too you shortly.


sabby

Here a couple of websites that I have found very helpful. I hope they help you too.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/a...r/asperger.htm

http://www.aspergerssyndrome.org/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/asp...ndrome/DS00551

http://www.autism-society.org/site/P...hatis_asperger

http://www.rdiconnect.com/default.asp

The last link here is for a program called RDI. I've been to a seminar by Dr. Gutstein and his wife and found it extremely informative and helpful in working with individuals who have autism. I highly recommend this website.

Good luck and Bless you and your son!

[pegasus]

Hello Ingridave, here is a really good website.

http://www.autism.org/

Dearest Sabby:

Thank you so much for your help. He is definitely advanced in his speech and vocabulary. It was shown recently on his assessment with Sylvan Learning Center.

His obstacles are that he is easily emotional about little things, He can't put his thoughts on paper at all. He is constantly feeling a need to talk to us even if we are in the midst of doing something, he has to talk. He is very loving and affectionate, able to remember quotes and statements, word for word, and quite the performer, very comical. I love him to pieces, but I feel helpless when he struggles and guilty when I have to discipline him the 1000th time for not getting homework done or overlooking obvious chores that need daily reminders to be done.

Your response is very comforting, Sabby. Thank you

Well, the process is underway. I saw teh family doc today and he is referring my son to a specialist for Asperger's Syndrome. It will be a long wait for that, then we have to go for tests, then we have to wait for test results, blah blah blah

I will let you know, Pegasus, when we hear anything

[Perna]

Sounds like a good start!

I like the Mayo Clinic pages for explanations of stuff: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/asp...ndrome/DS00551

My fear now is teh tests. What if the tests bring up more concerns than we need to know about? Is it better for him if he doesn't take the tests and then feel that he is just another problem? Even more un-normal than we though? I don't think that but I fear he might think that.

Maybe this whole procedure will just bring up more worries. I know of his physical challenges but I fear the possible results. I have heard they include parents in the testing. What if I am to blame for his problems?

I want answers for how to help him but am I looking too deep? I love him to pieces and I don't want him hurt or embarassed or drugged all of his life.

Can there be such a thing as too much help? I don't want him feeling like a lab rat.

[pegasus]

Oh (((((((((( Ingridave )))))))))))) I knew you would start worrying about this, you did the right thing, it's better for your son to receive the right support.

Any child on the autistic spectrum is not due to bad parenting! And they are not usually drugged up either. *If* he has Aspergers he will receive specialist help and in my experience children on the autistic spectrum often have a special talent/skill that can be brought out even more!

Let me know how you get on.

[sabby]

pegasus is completely right here....Aspergers/autism spectrum has absolutely nothing to do with bad parenting! What it may do is when you and he receive the proper dx and assistance is to learn new parenting skills that will HELP him learn how to adjust.

Remember that this is a learning experience for the both of you hon. We as parents are not taught how to deal with these things and have to learn how best to cope with and teach our kids when they have an illness. Please do NOT put this on your shoulders as having any fault in your sons illness....there is no blame to be placed on YOU.

Take some deep breathes Ingridave......nice and slow...don't let yourself get caught up in the round and round thinking of whys/hows/I did something wrongs. You are doing exactly the right thing in having your son tested. From there, if indeed he has Aspergers, you will be able to work and get the specialized help that you BOTH need It will be a win/win situation for you and him and your family.

Wishing you well hon......remember to breathe


sabby

((((Ingridave))))
I am sorry you are having to go threw this. I should have posted sooner. My son who is 17 has "Aspergers/autism spectrum" he is PDD and LD. First I want to say I know how hard it is. Life can be very difficult, They see things in a different light. Everything is taken literally with these kids.While writing this I am smiling as they are gifts" these kids." But with this gift comes many challenges for them and you as a parent.
I have 2 children. my son being the second. So i knew from the beginning he was special. Trying to get help was the hard part. He could not speak so you could understand him till he was about 7 or 8 or maybe longer.
Luckily My Dr was a friend of mine. He wrote the school and requested my son to be seen by a specialist. Once that was done the specialist came to the school. Yes he questioned us. But assured me I was not to blame. I am writing this part so you know I know how you feel. "His Dad blamed me." "then he blamed my son" totally wrong. It is not your fault or mine. It just happens. So never blame yourself.....
Yes it can run in family's. Like anything else. My cousins child has Aspergers. She is doing great now . She is 23 working. Doing online college.There were others in our family too. But has nothing to do with bad parenting.AT all.....so rest on that one.
My son i would never change a thing about him, he is one big miracle. I am so lucky to have had him, He was a blessing. As hard as it has been, The pain I have seen him go threw. He is amazing. He has a hard time reading and writing. But is a wiz at math. He can remember everything that is read to him. He is unbelievable.
He takes no meds. He did for awhile, but it never helped him.
Right now congress and others are very focused on Autism. So know there is much help out there.
I realize your heart aches for him. Know one wants to see their child suffer. I hurt every time my son hurts. He had a issue last night. And my heart was breaking inside for him. But we worked threw it,
I answered ever question he had, I had to be careful how i worded things as it is taken literally as I said. being 17 now he faces new issues. But he faces them. So know that there is hope and faith and love will help him and you get threw this.
Never ever blame your self. As i said that was dumped on me once. At one point i believe it myself. "that it was my fault" Its not. hope this helps....

Muffy

Thank you all...Sabby, Pegasus, Perna, and Muffy.

I am such a worry wart lol. In my childhood, I was severely teased because of my violent seizures. They were occuring daily and I was not just teased by classmates, but the whole school AND the outer community. When my son is diagnosed with things like the motor tics he had earlier, I tend to go into a state of almost panic, worrying that he will be as teased or embarassed as I was. He truly is a gift to me and the family. I am convinced he should be a stand-up comedian. He has an amazing talent to recall other statements from long ago. He loves to talk. He loves ro read, and his language skills are above average. He jsut can't write it down like it is in his head. He does get emotional easily and he hurts a lot if he does anything wrong.

I think it is the waiting here for the tests and appointments that will drive me crazy. Thank you all for your support. It is very comforting.

[jbug]

My youngest nephew has aspergers. He is in High School now and doing wonderfully.

My sis and fam had to wait a bit to get the diagnosis but now that they do he gets the help he needs. He has help at school and sees a T. He is also on Risperdal and on a low dose at that.

Colin is a great big teddy bear and when you've been hugged by him you know you've been hugged. He has problems with order everything has to be in place and if you tell him you are going to do something you had better do it. He is getting better with that though. Colin plays in the band..he's a drummer and is in theater.

Jbug

That sounds wonderful jbug. I hope we aren't waiting too long for the tests and diagnosis. My son loves to impersonate and if you ever see a video by REM called Losing My Religion ... the way the singer dances in it.....my son does that to perfection.

He is taking drama courses now also. His challenges are total unorganization, tends to get his attention caught on one thing and one thing only and easily distracted from other responsibilities. He has to be told step by step everything that needs doing. If I just say help me clean up the kitchen.....it is too general a statement. I have to say "Wipe the dishes" or "Put the ingredients back in the cupboard." And for him to write his thoughts down on paper...impossible. It is all up in his head...but he can't put it on paper.

I have heard that they may have difficulty thinking in abstract terms....it sounds like the challenges I had with my ex husband. Now I can see the actions in my son that made me so upset with my ex. I am positive my ex has this condition. Oh Well...he never kept in touch with his kids when we separated and divorced. Totally blind to the responsibilities of a father. Now I feel I can understand why my husband was the way he was....but he is now living in Sweden and I am in Canada.

Anyway....I hope I can keep in touch with you. Thanks.

Lori

[jbug]

Feel free to PM me anytime. I don't get to see my nephew often enough for my liking as my sis and family live in Germany and I live in NW Arkansas. My sis is here for a visit though and I can ask her stuff for you if you would like.

Jbug

Thanks again jbug. I would love to keep in touch.

[BalishBun]

hope everything is going okay

Hi BalishBun: So far, things are slow. We have an appointmentt for teh assessment but it is not until August 27. Who knows what turns life will take between then and now.

Meanwhile, the acknowledgement that his behaviours are not of his own decision, has made his older brother more understanding of his conversations with the younger brother. So there is a better relationship bewteen the two brothers now. That is excellent.