Would i be a bad mother if i...

...locked my son in his bedroom in the dark and make him go to sleep. He never goes to sleep when i want him to and im sick of it. Its now after 11pm here and he is STILL awake! It drives me muts. I dont have the patience to deal with a snotty spoilt 2yr old all the time. I hope that doesnt sound too nasty

And i meant nuts not muts...oops!

Oh boy, this is so typical of that age group. Well, I have two sons, 21 & 11, and a daughter 8. (all from the same marriage). I'm just giving you my stats so you can see I'm really a mom like you
Here's what we found w/ our kids:

1.) Limit chocolate, sugar, absolutely-no-pop or juice before or anywhere near bedtime. Four hours before seemed ok for a snack. Milk has lactose, which is sugar.
2.) About an hour and a half before bedtime, have a 'bedtime slowdown routine' and stick to it. Kids seem to need a 'transistion time' to get into sleepy mode. It gets tricky, because some kids actually find their bath exhilirating, not relaxing. You have to observe your kids; this might work out because you can read to one while the other one is having a bath. If you don't have a partner, you may have to adapt this.
3.) Here's another thing-be watchful of the reading materials you choose for before bedtime stories. Some children's brains get excited by an exciting story, or words that produce questionable or scary imagarey.
4.) One of my kids liked to have their feet rubbed for a little awhile.
5.) Associative routine really will work if you stick with it.
6.) Make sure your daycare provider is not keeping them 'hepped up on junk' all day long, or not allowing quiet time for a toddler's nap. I think a young child's central nervous system can actually be damaged by over stimulation and poor nutrition over a duration of time. Maybe I'm wrong-but after 15yrs. it sure looks like poor results are poor results.
Don't lock the door in the dark (I know you're just frustrated)-wouldn't that make you terrified, that the person who's suppose to be teaching you and keeping you safe suddenly turned into a 'dangerous monster'?
Also, you might want to look up all the literature that has 'Child/Children & Challenge' in the title. Good luck-remember you love that little one

Is this your first child ? If not you was very lucky that your other children or child went to bed easily at the age of two, they need a tiny bit more understanding and coaxing to go to bed and locking him in a dark room really isnt going to do it.

As parents we all have those moments when we have had enough however clear light of day always tells us that if they are not going to bed and to sleep then there is a reason for it.

Have you tried building up to bedtime with quiet activities such as reading and milky warm drink ? And a nice warm bath ? This may make it easier for your child to settle.

Failing that you can try setting bounderies like the child isnt allowed out of the bedroom while you sit quietly in the hall. Say nothing to the child but each time he comes out of the room place him back in the room and simply say bedtime and say no more.

For the first few nights this will take alot of paitence and may take a few hours however the long term benefits will be alot more positive, if you are not strong enough to do this on your own enlist the help of your partner or a good friend or relative.

I have found through talking to lots of people that this method has NEVER failed.

I hope this has been of some help I do understand....

Thanks for the advice. I would never literally lock him in a dark room by himself i just feel like it sometimes. He does have a bedtime routine that he sticks to SOMETIMES he has to have a warm choclate milk (its very very weakly flavoured) has to watch a car racing dvd and he usually goes to sleep within 20mins. But lately he has just turned feral again. This is my first child (and last lol) so im doing the best i can to try and do the right thing. It doesnt help that he is spoilt and wants everything his own way. I dont spoil him its my mum and dad and they let him get away with murder. So this just means he pushes my buttons more and i have a very very short fuse and are easily angered and stressed. I try my hardest not to get cranky at him but sometimes i cant control it. Oh my god ive just gone completely off subject. Sorry not having a good nite with remembering what im talking about

Hi Rachie,
I think you received great advice from the above posters. I'm also a mom of 2 girls 7 and 11. I remember when the oldest one was afraid to sleep in her room because of nightmares. Is your son just not tired or is he fearful of being in his room? It's also important to have a set routine, and regular hours the same eery night. I would cut out TV watching 1hr. before bedtime because it stimulates the brain. Also like the other posts said make the bedtime routine soothing. You could also try a reward system, if he cooperates with going to bed. Best of luck.

have you given him a night light ? he maybe afraid...
music also can help children sleep and lots of patience

i am not a mom but i remember when i was young rubbing my back helped me sleep like drawing on it

limit nap times. don't let him sleep long for his naps

My daughter especially had trouble falling asleep. My ex and I used to "tickle" her back and sing to her...and then when we'd get up to leave and she'd be wide awake.

A few things I did seemed to help. One, I got some of those stick-on stars for her ceiling and she said she loved looking at them because they calmed her enough to fall sleep. The best thing I did, however, was that my ex and I got some children's books and taped them in our spare time.

One or both of us would "tickle" her back and then turn on the tape and tiptoe out. It was our voices so it was soothing to her and she wouldn't mind us leaving or wake up when we left. We'd sneak into the room later and turn the tape off. As she got older we were able to buy audio book tapes and she really loved those!

My son never had trouble falling asleep. We were all SO jealous of him...he literally fell asleep on his way down to the pillow.

Having said all that...there were still those times when one or both of the kids would end up in bed with us. I know that's a "no-no" to pediatricians but my way of thinking was that if they needed comforting that much, then so be it.

It did get to be rather difficult when they were 9 and 10 and all four of us were squeezed in the bed but in talking about their childhoods these days both kids remember those nights as special ones.

Good luck ~

Melanie

i think every parent of a two year old understands how you are feeling

... and keep in mind feelings are never wrong - its what you do with them