is it normal (pos trigger)

I have an 8 year old boy I take care of alone. He has been saying these things lately. Like he just wants to die. Fine I just won't eat for the whole day. I want to live outside by myself. He only says these things when he is supposed to do his chores or do his daily reading and at bed time. I started taking him to a therapist about 6 months ago when I found him in his room trying to choke himself. He also has these major outbursts where he kicks and screams and throws stuff over the littlest thing. He once threw a toy gun at my windsheild bcz he ddnt want to read when we got home. Why does he say he wants all these bad things to happen to him. He askes me daily if I hate him and I always tell him I love him not hate. Its taking its toll on me for sure. I just want him to be a happy child carefree but also learn some responsibilities yet it seems he will fight me tooth and nail to not have to do anything he needs to. He has only a few chores to do 1 clean his room 2 bring dishes to the kitchen 3 help take out trash 4 daily reading(not really a chore but vital to his education)

has the therapist helped? Have you seen a psychologist?

it's possible, i'm no doctor so i may be way off base, that he is autistic?

We have tried a lot of things from the therapist and so far none have we just went this last monday and are trying a hug schedule. Its a more positive reinforcement thing. Not sure if it will work bcz yesterday he told me he dsnt want hugs anymore. And I'm pretty sure he's not autistic. I think that wld have been diagnosed a long time ago. As we've had contact with medical professinals since he was a baby(he has medical issues since birth)

it's possible that he has some autistic traits or something similar that have been missed because that's not what they were looking for?

like i said, i'm no expert but i would definately be speaking to your gp about what you can do if the therapist isn't really workign out.

hi bridgie,

that sounds like such a difficult situation! i'm not sure i can add anything useful that your therapist wouldn't have already covered (i do not have children myself) but i was just wondering if it might be helpful to go to a child psychologist (if his therapist isn't already a specialist in this area already)?

i am sure your therapist has probably also discussed how you should respond to his outbursts, and i don't really want to give any advice myself (i don't know the full story & i am no expert). but i know that being consistent is meant to be important (e.g., if your therapist has advised you to ignore his tantrums, then it is important you try to do this 100%, because otherwise he will know it sometimes works).

im sorry i dont have anything useful to say, i just wanted to say how sorry i am that you're going through such a difficult situation. like lotus said, if this current therapist isn't helping then i would be searching around for a new one .

At his 8 year appt I told his gp he was seeing a therapist and he said sometimes kids his age do get depressed and anxieties that can cause them to act out so his doc at least knows we have started to see someone. I guess I thought of autism kids as not being very social and averting eyes etc. I guess maybe there is a lot more to it than I know

Thank you for your input. We have only been with this therapist abt 7 months. He switched offices to one that has access to an actual child psych and those types so if we need to we can switch maybe. If they take our insurance of course. I guess I'm not one that's big on meds and I'm afraid he will eventually need something. I'm just not sure how long u give one person a chance before trying another. Especially cuz my boy likes this therapist.

You mentioned that he has had medical issues since he was a baby. He sounds like a child with an attachment disorder, and you would probably find a lot of validation in reading about attachment. Here is a link to some basic information: http://psychology.about.com/od/lovea...tachment01.htm

All infants attach to their caregivers. They have to in order to survive. Some form secure attachments, and others insecure. The requirements for an infant to form a secure attachment depend on both the infant and the caregiver.

1. The infant must be able to communicate a need (hunger, discomfort, pain, lonely, etc.).
2. The caregiver responds appropriately to the need (feeds if hungry, vs. insists that baby takes a bottle when baby actually was cold or lonely).
3. The infant is able to accept the response and be soothed.

Babies with medical conditions have significant challenges for forming secure attachment. They may be in the care of various medical personel, which makes attachment to parents or any specific caregiver difficult, and subject to being disrupted. They also probably experience a lot of pain, which no caregiver might be able to soothe.

Children with insecure attachment styles do not feel safe and comfortable. The world is a scary place for them. They often act out a lot, sometimes in scary ways. It isn't easy to treat attachment disorders, and can take a long time. The child has to learn that he can trust his caregiver and be soothed and comforted, have his needs met, and be safe and secure. And they challenge and reject efforts to teach this, because they can't trust it and will put you through a lot in order to test the relationship and see if they really can depend on you, because they never have felt secure or learned to accept love. Progress is often slow, but this is treatable when it is understood. The most important thing is that you can stick to it and be steady and dependable even when you are sorely tested. It doesn't mean giving in to all his demands, but it does mean setting clear limits and being very consistent.

I wish you the best.

Wow a lot of that makes sense. He always wants to be with me and sometimes he mentions how he wants to be sick so he can go to the hospital. And he says he dsnt like certain places and askes if he can just go to work with me. Unfortunately I can't do that. This might be a feasible idea on the matter.