[thunderbear]

Hi. My 7 year old son heard the word abortion. I don't know where he heard it. It must of been on T.V. or something. But he keeps asking me what it is. I don't want to tell him I think he's too young to know something like that. But he askes me everyday. I told him he's too young and "I don't know" those kind of things but he don't fall for it. Any advice on how to deal with awkward questons like that? Thanks

Well we tell ours when they are little that we buy them from a shop and have them put in the belly where we look after the babies till they are ready to be in the world !

If it was me I would do a variation on that......

Sometimes babies make mummies ill and they cant look after them anymore so the babies are taken out and put back in the shop.

If you are religeous:

"Abortion is when a woman chooses to send her baby back to be with God/Godess/Spirit/etc"

I also found this on another forum which i liked:

3-6 years: Abortion is a medical procedure for women. Or abortion is something a woman has to go to a doctor so that they don't have a baby until they are ready.

7-10 years: First, I think the child needs the mechanics of sex and conception as background knowledge for understanding the concept of abortion. I would not even begin to discuss abortion until the scaffolding of knowledge detailing bodily changes, puberty, menstruation, cycles, overall health and hygiene, and human pregnancy and birth are discussed in a developmentally appropriate manner with the parents or other loving family unit.

Again, if the subject comes up one must be prepared. If pregnancy and birth and everything before that have not been discussed I would simply say what I wrote for children 3-6 years, and I would add: I would like to explain what abortion is in more detail with facts and reasons, but I want you to understand first what it means to be pregnant and sexually active. I will come back to your question as soon as we cover all the information that comes before understanding abortion. There is nothing wrong with telling children honestly, you need to know THIS first then I can teach you THAT. I think that way the children will hear all the important, hopefully balanced information from YOU, and then clear up any misconceptions they may have.

[AAAAA]

Boy one of those things you didn’t think you’d have to deal with for a few years yet. My twins were about that age when they asked about it too. It was during the Bush / Gore election and their teacher’s political view was obvious.

At this point in time, I would simply say that it’s a medical procedure. Personally I would take the time to share your own beliefs on the subject. When I discuss these “controversial” topics with my kids I also tell them what the other opinions are on the subject and why I agree or disagree with them. I am careful not to degrade the opposing opinion’s beliefs. I want my children to form their own opinions on things.

[Rhapsody]

I have always believed in telling my children the truth about any question that came about... with age appropriate answers of course.

I believe kids have a right to be kids for as long as possible so if they believe in father christmas or the tooth fairy at ten then great ! If not then its a shame as they are growing up far too fast......

[leahcim]

Agree with RHAPSODY in telling the truth. I would take the scientific route and give him an early science lesson, telling him what most doctors say, the reasons why some women want to go this route and about the laws of your country. If he's not giving up, you'll have to tell something.

If you are religious, you'll have to be very careful, because he may grow up as a non believer and that could cause an issue later.

I guess you could say the same for the science lesson as well. Please let us know how you proceed with this. It's very helpful to know how a child responds to you on this.

[VickiesPath]

My son is 16 and ever since he was old enough to talk, I told him the truth about any question he asked but I phrased it in a way that made sense to a child his age. I would ask first, does he understand that mommies carry babies in their stomaches? If he says yes, then I would say, well, some mommies decide that they can't or won't carry those babies for some reason or other so the baby is taken out with the help of a doctor. Most of the time when they do that, the baby is too little to live on its own yet and they call it an abortion. They do it for many reasons and sometimes the reasons are very complicated. I had two miscarriages before my son was born and I told him that those two little babies weren't strong enough to grow big enough to be born so the doctor had to help me take them out early and they died. But he was a very strong boy and got to stay until he was big enough to come out.

[eskielover]

I it always best to be honest with your children......in an age appropriate way of explaining. Finding the easiest yet not complicated way....usually after you get through the first little bit, they are actually satisfied.....they just want an answer. To lay the truthful groundwork is the best.....that way you can build from there rather than having to go back later & explain that what you said before wasnt right or go back & contratict yourself. Children aren't stupid & they know when you are telling them something different later in life than what you told them in the first place.

Worse yet, if later on in school, when everyone else knows the truth & they are sitting there feeling like a fool that they believed the stupid lie their Mom told them. Children remember everything we tell them & believe me......when we feel that our parents lied to us about something when we really found out the truth.....ever finding the trust to believe what your parents tell you in the future isn't easy......

Best to start off on the right foot.

Debbie

Originally Posted by eskielover

I it always best to be honest with your children......in an age appropriate way of explaining. Finding the easiest yet not complicated way....usually after you get through the first little bit, they are actually satisfied.....they just want an answer. To lay the truthful groundwork is the best.....that way you can build from there rather than having to go back later & explain that what you said before wasnt right or go back & contratict yourself. Children aren't stupid & they know when you are telling them something different later in life than what you told them in the first place.

Worse yet, if later on in school, when everyone else knows the truth & they are sitting there feeling like a fool that they believed the stupid lie their Mom told them. Children remember everything we tell them & believe me......when we feel that our parents lied to us about something when we really found out the truth.....ever finding the trust to believe what your parents tell you in the future isn't easy......

Best to start off on the right foot.

Debbie

Well I have had three go through my 'lies' and without any damage to me or them lol.....

Three more are growing up with the 'lies' and are very happy children enjoying childhood in the way that suits me.

In fact the twenty year old looks on me fondly for trying to kid them up as children and adds to it with the little ones in the same way as I do which I find endearing....

The eleven year old who now knows the truth would not dream of telling the younger ones the truth !

[deliquesce]

glad it has worked out for you & your kids, tishie, but i personally agree with age-appropriate truth on this one.

thunderbear - my guess is your son only wants a very brief answer, not all the details - just something small to sate his curiosity!! so maybe like the answer rainbowzz posted for 3-6 year olds would be enough. as you've already found out, the more you try to avoid an answer, the more you kid's curiousity will grow. nip it in the bud with something simple, and he will probably forget what it means soon enough anyway .

[Perna]

It's a complicated subject, I wouldn't try to get into the politics of it for a seven year old, at this time, aborting by choice; I'd just explain that sometimes the baby doesn't develop right and can't grow all the way to be born. That's the truth and certainly happens often enough as miscarriage.

[sabby]

I think that each parent should listen to their gut instinct about what and/or how much to tell a young child when they ask the hard questions as this.

Some 7 yr olds are more mature than others. Sometimes they are happy with an honest, quick answer, some want to know more details.

I think that saying an abortion is the ending of a pregnancy is probably sufficient in this age group. It's short and to the point and it may be all the child needs or wants to know.


sabby

[lemmesee]

Here's my two cents. If my child were to ask me that question, I'd just be totally honest. My folks were always honest with me and let me have an imagination and let me figure stuff out on my own. Like Santa Claus. I figured out on my own he wasn't real, but my parents never stopped me from believing in him. Not telling you what to do but if I was in your shoes, I'd just be honest. You don't have to be brutally honest but be honest and let your kid figure out in his mind if it's moral or not and if he ask you your moral opinion on it, shoot straight, tell him what you think is right and wrong. What you do now in this situation will follow him for the rest of his life. I can understand you wanting to protect them from the big bad world, we all want to, it's a parent's instinct. But I really think honesty is the best way. Because years from now when he really understands what it means, he might not know where to stand and wonder why momma didn't just tell him.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Tishie

Well I have had three go through my 'lies' and without any damage to me or them lol.....

Three more are growing up with the 'lies' and are very happy children enjoying childhood in the way that suits me.

In fact the twenty year old looks on me fondly for trying to kid them up as children and adds to it with the little ones in the same way as I do which I find endearing....

The eleven year old who now knows the truth would not dream of telling the younger ones the truth !

Maybe it has to do with location & peer issues in the US.....it's not a good idea to be naive about anything. I don't mean you have to have all the gory details at a young age.....but the foundations on which the truth is based is what is important......children can be very mean here when they run into a child that doesn't know the information that is known by everyone else around them. Maybe we all should be able to live with less pressure in that way. Maybe the peer pressure in Scotland is a lot less than it is here in the US. I would honestly love to live where that is the case. But one must survive in the environment they exist in & handle the child in the way that the parents know exists in that environment in the best interest of the child.......nothing can really go wrong if you lay the foundations of truth the child needs for growth throughout life.

However, along the holiday lines, I hold to the true religious meanings of those also......that also is the foundation on which our family lives grow & can be just as much fun & exciting & children can enjoy their childhood just as much with their holidays based on the true traditions of the holiday than having it based on secular concepts. There are many fun ways we had of spending the whole season up to the Holidays in preparation for it which ended up being beautiful traditions that are held into next generations. I wouldn't trade those memories I had as a child for anything secular & neither would my daughter.

JMO,
Debbie

I live in a very very rural location and as such yes life is different.

However, my elder two was not brought up here but was brought up in London, and was told the same things, I think its up to each person to use the methods they feel work with your family the best and if it works then great !

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Tishie

I think its up to each person to use the methods they feel work with your family the best and if it works then great !

This is right on.....when a parent takes the environment & the child, their religious values (if applicable) into consideration, then the parent is doing their job.....we have to look out for what is best for the child as parents.....that is our responsibility

Debbie