Help, i don't know what to do with my son

HELP! My son is 17 years old. He is adopted and has some degree of reactive attachment disorder. He does not have much impulse control. He behaves as if he is 12 years old. he only wants to do what He wants to do. I don't think he thinks consequences apply to him. the one thing that helps him is running. Yesterday he was out running and saw a girl walking home from school. He then ran over to her and grabbed her boobs! The girl is 11 years old! The police came to speak to us and my son. They filed a report but did not file charges. What consequences do I give him. He has already lost his electronics, he has not earned a cell phone and no tv and now I cannot trust him to go out running.
I appreciate any input!

My head is screaming he needs phychiatric help !

Although you can try to be supportive I dont think you have the tools to help him and with help you may just get somewhere....

Questions like why ? Springs to mind, did he think it appropriate to do so ? Did he just get an urge to do so ? This is not suggesting he is a sexual diviant in any way at all ! Just a misguided child who acts on impulse the root of this seems to be what is the impulse ?

Were it that he went out and got in a fight with someone then it would be a whole different problem, and then he would need to be treated in the same way as any other troubled child. However this act dosnt seem to be temper or anger motivated, so needs to be treated in a more subtle way.

Also from personnal experience you seem to of got to that place where there is no point to anything for your son anymore, give him back all the things you have taken away from him tell him you love him and want to help him, I dont think he is fully in control of what he is doing right now. And needs help rather than punishment (again from personnal experience).

I agree, it sounds like he needs help. Your family doctor could probably recommend you to a good therapist in your area or if you have a mental health center in your area you could schedule an evaluation for him and they would place him with a therapist that best fits his needs.

Thanks for the input. I am very afraid for him. He(we) have been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for many years. He is taking ablilify currently.
As to why he did this, he said he just had the urge to do it. Also, recently, he has been going to pornographic web sites at someone elses house. The other kids mom called me and had me come over and see on the history all of where he had gone.
We supervise our kids at home and have blocks on our computer. I am just at my wit's end. This is freaking me out.

Hi,

As with many posts on here it is very hard to try and give advice as we only have a little of the background. From what you have described so far it sounds like he is going through puberty at a little later stage. So the things he is doing are very normal for a child going through this the problem is at age 12-13 this behavior would go unnoticed and would be put down to childen "experimenting" and the touching thing would be confined to rough and tumble in the playground.

As he is already seeing a psych I think you need to seek advice from him/her and if you belive what they are saying is practical then go with it.

If you are concerned that their suggestions will not address the issues maybe one way of testing the advice is to ask them for a long term plan and see how that feels to you. If you are still concerned after that ask if some one else could speak with you to try and get another angle on it.

As for the pornography I assume he is not engaging in a specific genere over a long period of time e.g. a fetish site then again this is very very normal and I personally wouldnt worry about it if anything I would put a PC in his room and take the parental lock off as he is going to be looking at this kind of thing some where and it may as well be in a place where it does not offend others. (yes I will get people disagree with me over that part but I am thick skinned and stand by what I have said)

I think lastly try and encourage physical activities you seem to have already started with the running, maybe look at some other things like football climbing outdoor sports and the like.

I have a good idea of what you are going through it must be a great worry to you, however try to no over react and go with the flow and worry only about what is going on just now rather that imagining what it could all lead too.

My thoughts are with you.

Thanks for your reply. I just ungrounded him so he can go outside and get exercise. Unfortunately, if he engages in that behavior again, he will have to have the consequences. He is just much to active and has way too much energy to confine him to the house. He would go crazy. Thanks again.

Make sure you mention all this to the therapist and doctor. They may be able to give more insight, suggestions and strategies.

Part of the problem is that your son may not have any interest in listening to YOU. Perhaps, at a deep level, he does not respect you. Because he has become very interested in porn, it may be the case that he has an overall lack of respect for women in general.

It might be a good idea to locate a very strong-willed dominant male to become a central figure in your son's life. I'm pretty sure your son will respond to the right guidance and direction if it comes from the right source.

Until your son and his T can get a handle on this matter I would inform your son that he cannot go over to this friends house since their online computer time is unsupervised... I feel what he is seeing via the Internet is adding to his present issues.

Boot Camp.

What he did was HORRIBLE and damaging to the 11yo girl he did that to! She 11 for Christ sakes.

I dont mean to be "insensitive" about your son - but mental illness or no mental illness, it boils down to wrong. He knew what he was doing and was aware of it.

Taking way his electronics isnt going to help. He needs Boot Camp to fix him up.

Also, dont give him everything - He cant have everything the world he wants. Until he learns that his actions will have consequences, you need to reinforce that. And get rid of the computer. Its not helping. Parental blocks are easy to bypass and dont work. Get rid of the thing or lock it up in your room. Its time to lay down some tough love.

I'm not sure that I agree with this statement... I knew it was wrong to kill myself when I was clinically depressed and yet I tried to end my life on three different occasions with in a six month span - -
when one is dealing with emotions and logic at the same time emotions will always win out, they control us.

* * * * *

This boy needs intense counseling - not boot camp

THANKS FOR ALL THE INPUT. I don't get on here very often. Update
; son is doing fairly well. He has started communicating better. He has no computer access except for school work, which is supervised. He is no longer allowed togo the the other boys house. They are no longer friends. He cannot go to other peoples houses, they have to come over here. If I have to speak to him about something like correcting him, he goes and shuts himself in his room. I wish I could just lock him away sometime. anyway, thanks!