What Would You DO?

As a parent what would you do in this situation...

Your 25 year old son and his gf has broken off their relationship after five years together and the house they were living in is her home and now she has asked him to move out... he is not working at the moment and has asked to move back home while he finds a job and gets back on his feet.

If it is my own child, I would let him move back home with the understanding that it is just until he can get back on his own two feet. There is no way I would let a child of mine sleep in his car.

Personally, I'd let my child move back home as long as they promised to go job searching. Like Sabrina said, I'd never have my child sleep in a car.

I guess whether or not I let him move back would depend on his behaviors and whether there is some reason why you would rather not let him back into your house. If there are things he's done that you feel he does need to deal with on his own, then it would be ok for you to say "you're an adult, figure it out". BUT if he's just broken up and there's nothing "bad" going on, its alright to let him stay with you until he works things out. I had a similar thing happen to me where I had a bf I moved to a far away state with. When we broke up 4 years later, I moved back to my home town and did stay with my mom for a short, short bit. I got a job like the 2nd day I was back and moved out in less than 3 weeks. If you are worried he will not try to get work I would give him clear rules and stick by them.

I'd let him move back home, but on the condition that he be actively looking for work and be out of the house as soon as possible.

Rhapsody - I agree with all the other posters - move back home on the condition he actively seeks employment and helps around the house. No sleeping till the afternoon and laying around all day or staying out till the wee hours of the morning.

Thanks for all the replies... Have him move back home with stipulations attached to his stay was my choice as well.

I was just wondering if any other parent would have chosen one of the other three choices over having him move back home as I was told, by son's gf, that I made it to easy for him when he left and it was suggested that I could have done any of the other three things before I allowed him to just come back home.... in other words I am enabling him to continue to be the way he was before he moved out (per gf words: no job, argumentative, and lazy).

I on the other could not just sit by and allow my son to live in a car when we have a perfectly good house here in the same city... and I thought with me being home that I could help push him into getting a job or at least look for one in this economy.
P.S. --> he does have a small past that is haunting his attempt in finding a permanent job - some thing from his youth form one of those stupid mistakes some people make between leaving home and growing up.

Hm...having something from the past does make it harder. You live in FL right? Maybe he could work as a "per day" for a landscaper of some sort until he could prove himself and become a more permanent worker? Also, though they are hard work, construction often isn't as strict as far as worrying about one's past.

I hope things work out well for him!

I hope it all works out for you (and him) Rhap

I am over 40 and I know that if something happened tomorrow I could show up on my mother’s doorstep without a word and I would be welcomed with no questions asked. I also know that it would not be a pleasant experience. When my husband got out of the service we lived with my parents for a short period of time. It’s strange, when hubby was in the service we’d come on leave and stay there for 30 days, but when we “moved in” for 30 days the dynamic was totally different.

Our children know they are always welcome in our home, it’s their home too. But they also know whether they’re 19 or 90 they have to follow the house rules.

I too agree.... our children should always know they are welcome back home no matter what if the need was to arise.

That happened to me and my mom let me move back in. I know she would let my brother or sister move back in if they ever needed it. But it also depends on the child. If you think your son is the type that will take advantage of you then there has to be boundaries like "you can move back in but you are paying rent and only allowed to stay x amount of time" but I think most 25 yr old men wouldn't want to live with their parents unless absolutely necessary. I worked overtime while going to school full time just so I didn't have to live with my parents. I think that's the point that pride moves in and hopefully he would want to move out as soon as possible. But thats the role of parents. Let your kids make mistakes and be there to help pick up the pieces if/when they fall flat on their faces.

I have been living with my mom for almost a year now. I am almost 29 and have an almost 9yr old daughter. My mom is allowing us to live here free of rent and utilities to help me get back on my feet. I am currently working part time, but have applied for a full time job. Sometimes things don't work out how we would like them to and we have to move back home. Is it something we really want to do? No, but it is far better than living on the streets or in a shelter. Every bit of my being does not want to be here. I want to have my own place, where I don't have to worry about leaving the dishes in the sink for a few days, or picking up everyday. Until I am able to make it on my own, I am stuck here at home with mom and papa.

Thanks for all the replies... and it is nice to see that there are parents out there that are willing to help their adult child if the need was to arise.

Update:

Its been two weeks since he moved back in with us and all is going well - we had one incident in two weeks but I take the blame for that one as I could not stand hearing my granddaughter cry and cry (it broke my heart) so I got a little more involved in the issue than I should have and my son stood firm and let me know who the parent was in that case... I back off, she stopped crying in a few more minutes and I later apologized.

This week started his first week of looking for a job... he has placed seven applications to jobs that seemed promising - now to wait for Thursday so he can do a follow up call to them all.

Keeping Fingers crossed... Oh and I gave him one of my household chores to take on as part of his family responsibility while he is here - THE DISHES!

Lol that's a good chore to pass down. Happy to hear everythings working out well. Does your son have joint custody of his daughter?

I guess for me it would depend on the relationship, why he doesn't have a job now, why his girlfriend is breaking up/throwing him out after five years, etc. I'd be more willing to lend a bit of money/help him with a plan to get on his feet than have him become "dependent" on me again. There are jobs out there and I'd be inclined to take any job, to have some money coming in, rather than get in such a low condition to begin with.

No matter how great the relationship between myself and my son, it can only get strained with his moving home with me. Each has their own life. I think it would be too hard for me to keep a hands-off attitude and let my son live his own life (you can't make rules with another grownup, no matter whether they're one's child, on how they must run their life). To be in such a low situation one needs more help than I can give and I'd be more inclined to try and find a good shelter/group home or program to help my grown son than to take on direct help ever again.

Too, he is a man and I'd want another man to "deal" with him so my husband would be in charge and if I have no husband/boyfriend at the time, I'd find a social worker/someone I could trust to help me with my son and his obvious problems. I don't think one gets in such dire situations without having a few problems of one's own making and I am not equipped to be the best help. That my son would ask me, his mother, instead of a guy friend to crash at that person's place for awhile does not bode well.

Not legally, but yes they share custody of her... mom has her during the week day and dad has her for the entire weekend, but dad can come and pick her up any time he wants to spend some extra time with her during the week. Mom is a good person, friend and mother and I have no fears of her ever keeping my son or us from seeing her - mom believes in family no matter what may happen between adults.