Parent Counseling-What should I expect?

My son's counselor agreed that parent counseling was a good idea when I asked about it last week after my son's session. My ex and I have the first session the first week in January, and I have to admit, I'm glad, but scared.

Has anyone ever tried parent counseling? Did you think it helped the two of you get on the same page, or see how/why your child was acting more clearly?

Whenever my ex picks my son up, I let him know how he has acted, and have suggested several times that he needed to have some father/son time to allow our son to become more relaxed an able to communicate with his father. He always says he didn't know our son was scared of talking to him, and would do it. But he has never followed through.

I don't want to put the whole story here, but my son keeps talking to me about how he is afraid of saying anything because my ex gets angry or yells. And that his girlfriend's son does the same things and his dad only disciplines our son. I can only tell my son that I can't do anything since it isn't my house, and not my child. Which is why I wanted to start the parent only counseling. Everything my ex tells my and the counselor that he says is going on, or will be worked on, seems to be completely opposite of what occurs. But since it is only from what my son says, I want to have his counselor as the 3rd party. We cannot seem to get on the same page, and I feel like I have two children instead of one.

My fear, is that after each session, the ex is going to leave and treat my son like crap. Which I will not be able to forgive myself for. If he cannot be a loving father that will take time for his son, and realize the fear our son towards him, I plan on changing the living situation.

Anyways, all comments (good or bad) about how your experiences with parent counseling would be appreciated.

Hello,

I'm Lilly, I'm a teen here at PC. I can't take the adult side of things, but I can tell you it though me eyes. Personally I have done some family counseling. Being open is the hardest thing about any therapy and sometimes the most important. It is never a good idea to just jump into being open, but jump into being honest. it is good to take open up and talk about things that are on your mind, but remember your not the only one learning in the experience. Understand that your Ex will be learning how to be a parent as well. There is no hand book to parenting but there are a lot of things that can go wrong. People say that when in a stressful situation parents sometimes just do what their parents did. That is why there is a cycle to abuse. never doubt that intervention isn't the option, because it always is.

Another thing is family DBT that happens. If you don't know about DBT it is a kind of therapy that is great for so many things from eating disorders, to substance abuse, although it was originally for borderline personality. Where I go the whole family is together learning about the skills and tools there. For example they learn about emotions and how to handle them. Being able to argue without it getting out of hand, and things as such. There also, it is important to be honest about your feelings, but because it is so skills based you don't have to be open about what is happening in your house. Start with how you feel, but not how things are. Then move to how things are and how can we change it.

Just thoughts,

Lillyleaf