[fmpro]

her mother is in jail for eight months for a financial crime. I am wondering if I should take my 14 year old daughter to visit her but I am not sure if I want her to be inside a jail

it has nothing really to do with the mother. She made some bad decisions but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did and has admitted to being a bad influence to her daughter so that is why I am still willing to stick by her. Also she was not an absent parent or anything And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment or anything either, it is really only the type of environment. I hear also it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. She can also think "mom is in jail, she has no right to tell me what to do" My daughter seems to be OK with visiting though she said it is kind of cool that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it. If I do take her what should I say to her beforehand to help her prepare? My wife said bring her if she wants to visit but if she doesn't it is all right.

[DePressMe]

Fmpro, wow, that's a tough call. Do you think your 14 yr old daughter is emotionally capable of making the decision to see her mother or not? It might give her an idea about the consequences of breaking the law. And, if she is going to continue the relationship after her mom gets out of jail visiting could work out for the best--there are so many factors involved. Yes, I think it's a good sign that your daughter came make a joke about it but is she minimizing the severity of her mothers crimes? It would be hard to not have a connection with your mom for 8 months and then have to catch up on what has happened during that time. Maybe a compromise--what about writing letters to keep in touch? Just my thoughts.....D.

[fmpro]

I called the jail to ask about visiting and they said that it is a good idea to bring her because at her age she probably won't be scared and will likely find it interesting and educational. They said a guard can answer any questions she has. Would you agree with this?

[Travelinglady]

I actually do. Your daughter is old enough to know about jails. And I think she and her mom would do better if they can talk in person.

Just my opinion, of course.

[lynn P.]

Yes I think you should absolutely let your daughter visit her mother. 8 months is a long time and can affect the bond. If Martha Stewart can go to jail and come out still smelling like a rose...so can your wife. Her sentence had nothing to do with her ability as a parent. You're nice to support your wife and take this as a learning experience.

[Perna]

If the daughter is aware her mother is in jail, I'd ask if she would like to go see her mother, encourage them to write each other/talk on the phone, etc. If, for some reason, another reason for her mother's absence has been given, I'd go with that the best I could.

I think knowing one's mother is somewhere like jail, being able to see and experience what that is and how it works might be more helpful to the child than the mystery of some other explanation.

[fmpro]

Originally Posted by Perna

If the daughter is aware her mother is in jail, I'd ask if she would like to go see her mother, encourage them to write each other/talk on the phone, etc. If, for some reason, another reason for her mother's absence has been given, I'd go with that the best I could.

I think knowing one's mother is somewhere like jail, being able to see and experience what that is and how it works might be more helpful to the child than the mystery of some other explanation.

There is no mystery. She knows