[Whoaminoone]

My kids are 10,8,4,&3 (3 girls & 1 boy). They are so far beyond "out of control" that I don't know where to start! I have tried everything I can think of under the sun. Time-out; consistency; take away privileges; grounding; spanking...

My husband and I are NOT a "united front". He thinks it's funny to tell them to make smart mouthed comments when I tell them to do something, or to tell them to tell me to do it myself when I tell them do something, or to tell them simply to tell me "no" when I tell them to do something. He has taught them to have NO respect for me whatsoever. They run over me like a doormat. Any time I try to discuss this with him he tells me that I'm just being to sensitive and to quit *******ng. They listen to him. They don't question him. All he has to do is look at them and they're running to do what he's said.

I am at my wits end!!! How do I get my kids to respect me and LISTEN to me??? At this point, I honestly feel like walking our and never looking back!

[Victoria'smom]

As for smart *** comments I throw one right back that includes a threat. Make a list of crap they're expected to do that way they can't argue. It depends on what you ask them to do can you give examples of what each age does?

[googley]

If your husband is against you (as it appears he is) you aren't going to win this. You need to get some therapy for the two of you to get on the same page or stop living together. With his inciting this behavior, they wont change. To get children to change, you two need to be on the same page with the same expectations. If you don't want to do couples counseling then look into getting your own help.

[healingme4me]

Why would they,,if he's setting the standard about how to treat you?

is he adamant that your opinions don't matter? Is he their friend, you the disciplinarian?

find one consistent discipline and use it. I get time out, larger families, it's harder when pulled in many directions. I have tough time, with that, too. I prefer, get eye contact, stern, if you do this again, i will take xyz away. do you want that to happen? It was harder, when with their father, to him, take aways were the.cruelest thing i could do...hmmphhh...
Confront your h, if we don't get on the same page now, there's going to be serious consequences.



Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Lauliza]

You won't get them to listen to or respect you, they will follow Dad's example. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can identify with you completely (although your situation has gone on further and sounds much worse) and know how you feel. My husband did the same and still does, but to a lesser extent. Your husband is in my opionion, borderline emotionally abusive to you (I hope this doesn't offend you).

I was lucky in a sense, because when this started the kids were younger and my husband actually left me to date another woman. Well, a month later he wanted back so I made him attend couples counseling, which he agreed to. The therapist was wonderful and called my husband out on his behavior. He told him some of what he'd done is "the worst thing a parent can do". Another helpful thing we have is an in home behavioral specialist for my daughter (she has Asperger's). This person has sat with both of us to explain to my husband that this pattern is destructive to the kids and to me (but stresses the kids).

These are the things, other than you leaving, that will help the most. If you can convince him to try couples counseling, then I think it could be hugely helpful. Even better if you can find a male counselor. If he's anything like mine, hearing the same thing from a man will make more of an impact.

I am really sorry you're experiencing this and hope you find help somehow. If not, the consequences for the kids (and for you) will be terrible.