Ways to teach her not to hit

Today has been pretty rough. But I have been thinking that spanking (and by spanking I mean a couple swats over her clothes, not enough to cause a lot of pain) isn't a good way to teach her not to hit. Has anyone ever had experience with this? I was thinking of trying to hold on to her hands and telling her no hits and saying I will let go when she says she won't hit anymore.

I'm thinking the bear hug, or having a preplanned redirect. It's about helping her to learn to self sooth her anxiety and frustration. Figure, her inner anger is a combination of numerous emotions. Beyond the I am mad, sad faces.

Bet others will have good suggestions, as they usually do.

Can remind her, she is safe. Repetitious. Repiration, is also teaching her to apologize for that behavior. In turn, teaching empathy.

I think too that showing her something she CAN hit is good - saying something like it hurts me when you hit me, but it is okay to hit the pillow because the pillow doesn't have feelings...

Ultimately that is a short term thing...the goal being her learning to voice her feelings....but I think she might need a middle ground while she copes with everything and learns healthy responses/outlets for her feelings.

How much does she see her therapist? You may want to ask about a partial hospitalization school based program.

I am against committing violence to kids - even spanking. It's a complete taboo in my country now which I am glad of. Scaring kids, or using violence to punish them, is a horrible way to teach them anything. Maybe you should talk to her therapist about methods you can use to make her realize she can't hit people. Holding her hands work the very moment she's about to do it, but removing the impulse to hit in the first place is the most important.

watch for triggers... why is she doing it, when, what's going on for her? Sounds as though she is very frightened and in need of empathy. You could help her 'name' her feelings: 'You might be feeling frightened/angry right now, but I can't let you hit me. If you need to hit something, hit this pillow...'. hold her hands/wrists/arms as gently as you can, to let her know that you won't let her hit you.

Have you thought about engaging her in some role play, with you and teddies/dolls? Small kids often process stress and trauma by repeating... role play can be a good outlet. You could start by saying this teddy is me, which is teddy is you?... and let her lead from there... it might not happen immediately but should do over time. Is she seeing a therapist? Good luck, sounds like you are doing a brilliant job!

She is seeing a therapist. We just started with a new one and she is doing great with her.

"The rule is you may not hit me. Here is a toy hammer, you may hit this pillow instead."

I often wonder why adults teach kids not to hit, by hitting the kids.

Sounds like a typical 5-year-old, feelings she can't articulate, and acting out because of frustration.

Can you get her to talk about what triggers the hitting? Can you give her a safer alternative outlet for her frustration? My oldest threw mated-socks, hefty enough to fly but soft enough not to harm.

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