Discipline in public?

We are leaving to go to Disney World today with some friends for a few days. Her behavior has been decent lately but if she starts misbehaving in the middle of the park I don't know what to do. Does anyone have experience with this? It's kind of hard to give her a timeout In a crowded park and I am trying my hardest not to spank - and I would never do it in public-. So I'm not sure what to do if she melts down. Her therapist said not to show her I will change my plans because she misbehaved.

If your child is old enough, before you head to the park you might want to review with your child what the 'rules' are so they are fresh in her mind. I don't know how old your child is but I see no reason you cannot have a timeout in a public space ... a few minutes in a 'quieter' area so she can collect herself. Be firm but loving in your parental role but remember ...big parks like Disney are very stimulating and tiring for little ones. Watch for signs of fatigue that can result in a meltdown and allow time for rest. Same goes for you.

Most of all, have a nice time.

There needs to be a consequence, and you need to stick to it.

Make sure you give them a warning first, with a clear indication of the consequences.

Here is an example scenario of how I deal with my kid...

"if you continue to beg me for {item}, not only will you not get the {item}, but you also won't get {ice cream} later. I understand that its upsetting not to get such a cool {item}, and it's okay to feel angry. But it is not okay to carry on about it. Do you want to sit on a bench until you can calm down?"

If the carrying on continues, follow through on your warning, and don't give extra extra extra chances. If she learns you always follow through, she will stop bothering to tantrum over time. While she is having a tantrum, calmly tell her that she won't get her {ice cream} now.

Obviously that will make it worse. Take her to a bench and sit it out until she calms down. (You can catch up to your friends later) Time out is not really about punishment. It's more about regaining composure.

Sometimes, after my kid calms down, we talk about what happened, and I try to think of a way she can earn it back with good behavior.

This! If I had a nickel for every time I gave in to a tantrum, I'd be a rich woman by now. And when I gave in ONCE I taught her that if she screams loud enough for long enough, I'll give in.

Now I'm more determined than ever not to give in, I also have to change what I reward or take away. If she doesn't go to bed on time, what am I willing to give up? I can't threaten "go to bed or I'll spank you" because I can't won't and don't spank, but I can threaten "if you don't go to bed you lose tv time tomorrow" because not watching tv is not going to harm her, or me. Though it might lead to another tantrum tomorrow when I enforce it, which is another issue for me.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say "we're leaving if you don't stop" then you have to leave. I've left groceries in a cart and walked out, we've left the park while it was still playtime, and we've left the library before I was ready to. So now I with-hold that threat unless I'm truly okay leaving right now, no matter what.

She will get tired and cranky and whiny and jumpy. Expect perfection and be disappointed. Expect kids to be kids and roll with it, she won't be the only kid there acting up. Don't let her do anything dangerous, such as separating from you in the crowd, but don't harp or nitpick about every little thing, because you will be disappointed and become angry because she can't and isn't capable of behaving perfectly. She is a small scarred child. I'm a grown woman and still can't behave perfectly, why would a small child act better than me?

Good luck and have fun at Disney!

Any wall, pole, chair or taller then her object can be used for time out even having her sitting down on the ground, cross her legs and look down is time out just stay close.

Another tip thats just as important, as a preventative measure.

"Catch 'em being good."

A lot of acting out is a way of getting parental attention. If you praise them when they do something good, it will reinforce good behavior. BUT, that doesn't mean you praise them for no reason! Kids are smart and they can tell.

Thanks for the tip. She will ONLY wear dresses and always wants to sit like a lady so I will have to find a bench or ledge to use.

Once I took my son to the bathroom to scold him because I was too embarrassed to scold him in public. Now I just mention the bathroom and (most of the time) he calms down.

How effective has time out been as a discipline? I recall you having to fight with her to even get her to sit still. Not fun in a crowd. You need other tools in your bag for this little one.

She's been better about it. I'm not perfect and I will admit Ive swatted her butt a few times but I would never ever do that in public. Now when I tell her to go to timeout 80% of the time she does it. If I tell her "you better face the wall right now" she responds better than "please go to timeout". But I always try asking nicely first. I just don't know what other punishmrnt would be effective for her.

I don't think you have to be perfect, and I totally understand how hard this is for you! You are a first-time "mom" and your kid didn't come in a tiny helpless bundle, she came with 5 years of personality and abuse and scars! So just keep learning, that's all you can do.

I try this, it is effective, I try it a bunch of other times. I try this, it isn't effective, I put it back in the tool bag and might pull it out again later.

Kids respond better to praise than punishment, so I love the tip above to catch mine being good and praise her every chance I get. She's very defiant so her punishments really have to hit where it hurts (like no tv time, no dessert, bed time half hour earlier than usual) because trying to enforce any boundary is always a power struggle. Another reason why I have to pick my battles, I can't get into a power struggle every time I need her to do something, it's exhausting.

I think you're doing a great thing and a hard hard job!

^this.

I think there is too much focus on punishment here. It's like the kid is a ticking time bomb! It doesn't have to escalate to an angry confrontation. I think telling a kid to face the wall is humiliating and unnecessary. The point of time out is not to hurt them, but to give them a minute to gain composure.

I think most parents confuse discipline and punishment and use the words interchangeably. Punishment isn't worth a dime without the kid learning a lesson. Otherwise you're just proving you are in charge and making them feel weak and helpless.

Discipline (boundaries) is what they carry with them daily, knowing right from wrong, and sometimes pushing the envelope as is age-appropriate. When they break the boundary, let the punishment fit the crime.

I gave a threat yesterday that I won't follow through with and now I think I made things harder. The other kids with us were behaving really well -and so was she for the first few hours in the park- all the sudden she started being really bad. I told her that I cannot carry her because she's too heavy so she needed to stay near me. She kept running off and doing tons of other bad things. I pulled her off to the side and out of embarrassment said -you behave right now or I will spank your bottom right here- which she knows I won't do in public.

It's ok! I've done it over and over. Just pick a threat you CAN follow through with, such as "we will sit on this bench while the other kids play" and see what happens. It's about progress, not perfection!