Second Hand Gifts

I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of giving a second hand gift to our kids.
I’d like to hear other parent comments. I’m not sure where I fall on this issue, but I’m definitely leaning so I’d like to know how you feel about it.
An example is finding something on an app like Craigslist or Let Go & giving it to your kids as a Christmas gift.
Does a gift have to be new? Do all gifts have to be new? Where do you draw a line in what you want as new?
And of course how to explain this idea, philosophy, POV etc to your kids when everything is highly commercialized.

Thanks for sharing your feelings on this post.

In my son doesn't care if it's something wanted/liked.

My daughter is 7 and prefers new items otherwise its not a gift, in her words.

An example of that, I got a winter jacket for her today which I told her came from a friend of hers who's parents were going to send it to a charity shop so I said I would take it off her but Rhona just looked at it and moaned "I don't want it, it is a second hand one, I want a brand new one", now that was not even a gift it was getting her something she needed so imagine what it is like getting her a gift lol.

Can you explain this a bit more? I’m not sure I understand. Thanks

I have PM you Patagonia .

We have given and received second hand gifts. If the gift is in good condition then it is no problem. What I don't like is when my mother-in-law gives second hand puzzle books that are half done. My son tends to get a lot of second hand books, we go to the library's books to buy events and get a big box of books for $10, he knows they are not new and is ok with it.

I've given previously owned games before as gifts, provided that the original/new copy doesn't come with a code then they aren't opposed. I really think, for me, it would depend on what it is, the condition, etc. Some things are not readily available in stores. For instance, I'm considering an air hockey table. Saw one in a flyer but if ones even better and in good condition I'd consider an online ad like the apps mentioned. With clothes, sometimes something like consignment can bring in an item that otherwise would be completely out of reach.

I’m not fond of my SO buying a second hand item for a Xmas gift when it’s in the electronic area. There’s no back up if there’s something wrong with it...& no box. And it’s not like we can’t afford it, but I feel he looks at everything as how can I get this cheap bec he hates to spend money.
This yr I had an extra seasonal job in the fall & the bit of money I made there I put almost all of it towards gifts. Gifts that they want...not necessarily need. It was empowering to me bec I don’t have an income.

My kids know we buy a lot of things used & value that. Plus putting things in a box to give to goodwill or another such place, bec someone else might really want/need it.
I guess what I see, & I rarely watch tv, was the amount of commercialism on our screens that to have a “wonderful” Xmas you need to shop & buy & everything had to be picture perfect etc. It made me nauseous, but then I looked at my kids faces while they were watching it & were totally sucked into the hype. Hook, line & sinker. It was kind of disturbing actually.
The past 4 xmas’s ive had a kid cry after it was done. Someone didn’t get what they wanted. And it floored me! My SO had to take over & say, you don’t always get what you want etc etc, but it’s this idea of....them just not being satisfied after everything we’ve done that makes me angry, wonder what am I really teaching them...& then my depression sets in.

We have a set budget for Christmas and birthday presents. My son knows the amount and knows he will not be getting anything that costs over that budget. He also knows that 50% of the budget is for books.

I can’t do a set budget yet bec 2 still believe in Santa. It’s all about making sure the box numbering is even. Ugh. Bec they will count & compare!
But I do look forward to having a set budget for them & no arguing.

I was buying second hand winter coats yesterday after a stark realization of what happened to my old ones and there was a woman in line ahead of me talking about the My Little Pony find for her grandkids. Things like that needn't always come in a package, I thought. I'm down to just 1 son that still believes, so I certainly appreciate the dilemma you have. And I know what you mean about an even number of boxes, I've lived that and still do.
That's great that you gave yourself an income to add your preference to the holiday.

I've given pre-owned gifts I think it's ok

I do give second-hand gifts, but for a child I would make sure they are in great condition and the child isn't getting it from another child they know, as a hand-me-down.

I buy off Ebay and from places such as Goodwill and the Salvation Army sometimes.

My sister and I noticed a white line (upper 3 mm of the paper or something) on the Rollercoaster Tycoon gift from Santa back when we still believed.. a few years later we found out that was because my father and brother had printed it themselves. The game was a copy. We thought it was funny.

I guess in the end it depends on the condition of what you're giving. And I don't think I'd do second-hand electronics.
And not everything has to be in perfect condition - depends on the item. Weathered wood has character, weathered plastic looks careless and ugly.

Can you try to teach your daughter the value of money? If she wants a new bike, say: OK, a second hand bike costs $100 and a new bike $500. You generally get a new bike every two years.. so you can have a new one in 8 years, or we can find a really pretty second-hand one now.
(Just realized the bike I got last year (I am 20) was my first ever new bike).
Buying everything new for a young kid.. well, how long will they actually use it? Bikes are outgrown fast, clothes too.
My parents aren't penny-pincers at all, neither are they poor. They just didn't see much use for spending a lot of money on a bike that would be outgrown within 2 years. (I still don't see the use of a new regular bike. I have an e-bike now, slightly different situation) I had new clothes and clothes that my sister had outgrown.

Just thinking- is it possible your kid is ashamed, afraid of being teased or bullied? Being thought of as poor? Maybe there's one or a few rich kids in her class and she wants to be like them because they are popular?

I haven’t thought about the pressure at school. I don’t think my oldest feels that bec she never really asks for things, like specific things or name brand things (thank god)
But since I had an extra income in the fall I really went out on a limb for her.
My SO & I have discussed getting a itouch for her & her own piece of technology. He wouldn’t pull the trigger but always said we needed to discuss it more, wait another yr, she’s not responsible etc etc.
so I bought it for her myself. And my SO knows I paid for it myself.
We’ve had ups & Downs with it, but I think she’s been handling this technology well.
But my SO bought her a voice recorder she wanted for school...& got it second hand, no box or directions.
Last wk she brought it home & said “it crashed” & can’t figure out how to fix it. Now my SO wants to play with it & see if he can get it to work again.
Sometimes I don’t think it’s worth the hassle.

The point of gift giving is to display you care. Intention is everything. Whether handmade, second hand, or new, the point is you took the time and attention to select the gift and give it.

Someone mentioned above their 7yr old not tolerating anything used. I wonder what they do about it; let this child dictate this? Eye brow raising.

Instead I think you have a wonderful opportunity to teach an excellent lesson to your children about the true value of things not to mention some ettiquette.

A few yrs ago my sib was complaining after putting on this pretty grand sleepover party for her 10yr old that “this one kid was cheap! She gave her a homemade card!”
Omg I was appalled she said that! We do homemade cards as much as possible. They take time & attention & I think their beautiful! Store bought cards r expensive anyway.

What a shame. What sort of value is she communicating to her child. How unfortunate. I spent hours making my own greeting cards and wrapping paper. It would have hurt me to no end if the recipient had such an attitude. I doubt they would care, rather it would be a parent with such a disparaging comment. Sigh, their loss.

I'd make sure that you instill the right values is it totally okay to be frugal. Is the child slated for something new a little later? It is acceptable in our book I'd just make sure you stick to the values are in place.