Unsure if I am overreacting - Issue about daughter who is not yet born

By saying to you he will have nothing to do with the child he is trying to emotionaly blackmail you ....

Get rid of him fast.

((Fraction))

Now is the time to begin protecting your daughter. Do not allow her father to be alone with her. He is disturbed and must be counseled before he can have contact with his daughter. You should seek professional help from a therapist. A therapist can help you form a healthy relationship with your daughter and find appropriate supports and models for parenting.

In a way, it is good you know this about him before she is born, because you have time to get help. Be well.

Peace

Wow, perhaps it is out of context, but his attitude is very disturbing.

i find his attitude disturbing in a couple of ways. the obvious way of course as everyone else has pointed out, but also, how sure are you that this man is being physically faithful to you. the danger of contracting an STD while pregnant poses a very immediate risk to your daughter. i would think long and hard before continuing this relationship.

lost

good advice from all replys here i would also run hes not willing to listen to your point on this,i am feeling a bit uck after reading what he wants to do it sounds to me like abuse and grooming as a person who has been abused
get out of this relationship fast

Husband and I have discussed parenting outlooks as far as sex and the above, and I never had a single red flag. If he would have said that to me I would have told him he was a pervert. A father exposing himself to a child is wrong, whether its for educational purposes or not. And the fact the "i want nothing to do with the child" sentence came out of his mouth, whether he meant it or not was wrong. I see it as okay if you take a shower with a young child like 4, but nothing older. I agree, the school system isnt always the best place to learn about sex ed, but he sounds kind of scary to me. No offense, but if your instincts say red flag, its a red flag.

Thank you all for the advice.

He is actually talking to me right now. I sent him a link to "What is Child Abuse" and asked him if he was willing to get help. He won't. He is being very stubborn so it seems I am going to have to go down the path of trying to keep him out of the child's life or have him around only if I am around.

He is talking about how he dislikes today's society. He is now bringing up how there are nudist households (I am fine with nudist households. The thing about those environments are they are always nude and they are not trying to draw attention to their genitalia to teach a child about sex.) and saying how in the 1950's families had baths together. He is saying he hates this society.

Sadly, I asked him to get help about this to maybe talk to someone and he refused. So he does not want help.

He keeps saying "You do think I am a rapist".

I'm saving the chat log I am having with him though I am not sure it will do anything. He even told me to save it since he even said it could get a restraining order on him from the kid.

Now he has went to verbal abuse:

He wrote:
“Up to the age of 4, teach kids the names of their body parts; from 4 to 8, explain how babies are made; from 8 to 12, explain what physical changes to expect; from 12 on, talk about decision making, sexual health and protection, suggests Dr. Justin Richardson, coauthor of "Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask)."” (Springen)

I said:
Talking, not showing.

He said:
I'm looking for where it was recommended.
You "insert the swear word he called me here".

I said:
There is no where that it says "Showing your genitalia."

He said:
It was for the mother and father to appear naked together and explain their bodies.
In a loving and caring and educational context.
Not, EXPOSE GENITALIA.
That is the difference.
And, I am honestly completely offended.

I said:
Honestly there are other ways then to expose an adult body. It is still exposing your genitalia when you are an adult.
There are photographs in books and online.

He said:
How can we expect our daughter to come to us about a problem with her body if she knows we are offended to show our own.

I said:
Many girls have grown up fine without being shown their father's genitalia.

He said:
We are basically saying, "if you have herpes, too bad"
Many girls have grown up HAVING SEEN their father's genitalia and been perfectly fine too.
And their mother's genitalia

I said:
Well by walking in on the father BY ACCIDENT.

He is going on and on. I am going to save this whole conversation.

So right now he is trying to find a site where it says you should show your genitalia to a child.

I am not sure what my next move should be. Is there anyone I can report this to? If so, who?

> right now he is trying to find a site where it says you should show your genitalia to a child.

Most likely he can find one. You can find a lot of things.

"Should"? I think if it happens in the course of things, that may be OK. If it is hidden, the child will probably pick that up. If it is made a point of, the child will probably pick that up too -- and be confused about why.

I agree that society is in many respects not healthy in its attitude towards sex. I am not sure his way will be that much better.

Some things to consider...

I would definately talk to a lawyer about using this info to ensure you have sole custody of your daughter. He should not be allowed unsupervised access to her. He clearly has some serious problems.

Actually, knowing all this about him....if you do allow him to have access you might be changed with child endangerment! So, keep everything documented carefully with dates and times, see a lawyer, and stay clear of that controlling sick man.

You are doing a really good thing getting help with this issue early on! You are going to be a strong mom for your little girl. Good luck!

Slippers

WOW! I agree with everyone, red flag, RUN! He's not right at all. Not only is his method twisted, perverted (all of the above) he wants to teach it at eight years old, she'll still be a baby she doesn't need to be learning all that at 8. I wouldn't force the issue on any child, and only explain if the child starts asking questions. My son started asking question (where do babies come from) at a young age. They'll ask that at five years old, but you've got to explain it in age appropriate ways. I wouldn't use pictures for an eight year old. My son is 11 and I wouldn't show him pictures yet. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable showing my children nude pictures of adults that's sick, that's why they make diagrams and teach it in school.
Your instincts are right, trust them, if he's offering you an out, take it and run. Otherwise you will allways worry.

Take care of yourself and that baby!

My mother teaches sexual education in schools so I have all the diagrams and such they use there. I know my child will be properly educated and I can teach her myself. I have the tools necessary. I wish he understood that this way worked.