Other attachment parenters?

Hi out there,

I am wondering if there are other attachment parents out there? I am one, and I do everything I can to make sure my son feels loved, comforted and secure in his attachment to me.

What are your favorite attachment parenting tips? I thought we could start a thread of them all.

For me my favorite is sleeping with my baby!

HI Rainbowzz,

I think this is such an interesting topic for parenting because I am working on attachment from the other angle in psychotherapy. Because of this I went to Barnes & NOble to look for a book on attachment and decided to check in the parenting section. There was not one selection available. Given that this is the single most important thing in parenting I would hope there would be more out there for parents--or is it just that the shelf was "post-Christmas" depleted?

Anyway, my kids are older but when they were young, they often slept in "the big bed." When I kicked my youngest out because he was getting big, he camped out on the floor of my room with a sleeping bag-lol.
I also remember my middle child was so anxious about me leaving for work each day, so I used to put on my reddest lipstick and give him a kiss on the top of his hand. He called it "lips," and it allowed him to stay connected to me after I left.

I must be odd cos I do the oppersite, I want them to become independant and self sufficiant as soon as possible, to that end I wont let them sleep with me unless I am so tired I cant put them back to bed.

I also remove the bottle as soon as possible and never used a dummy with all six of mine.

They all seem to thrive on it and only one I have problems with but he has lots of mental health issues so I dont spose that counts.

I have done other things and will add them later but for now I am off to cook dinner !

Speak to them as adults, leave them with other people for short times (safe people ie gran), explain things to them constantly, make them responsable for things at a young age ie getting themselves dressed.

Feed themselves very early and make a drink for themselves even if it leaves a mess on the floor.

More things however I am sure you do most of the things I dont think I understand the 'attachment parent' part maybe somone can explain it to me ?

Sure tishie I can help with that.

Here is an article which explains the path of attachment parenting and why we do it:

http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/b...,,489j,00.html

hope that helps and if i can clarify anything just let me know!

I read the artical and have to admit its not for me.

Thanks for the link though it was interesting to read it ! Hugs to your baby and you from me .....

My kids slept with me and I held them all of the time. I remember an elderly Great-Aunt scolding me when my oldest was just a few months old. He was in a playful mood and I was bouncing him around playing with him. She said "my god, he's not even crying, what are you going to do when he cries? You're spoiling that baby and you'll never be able to put him down."

In my own experience, my kids were very comfortable when I had to put them down to do something, they knew that I'd be coming back and were content. Hubby was the same way, we had a snuggy sack from day one. When hubby mowed the lawn, the baby was in the snuggy sack with a hat on.

The only problem we ran into was that we travelled a lot when the kids were small. Keeping them in the car seat at all times could be extremely difficult. It was unnatural to feed them in them.

I have not heard about "attachment" parenting but basing on what I read here I think I could say this:-

BALANCE is the KEY. Too much of one thing, even the very best of things could be harmful.

All kids are different. The important thing is to really know them well and give them the appropriate huddles to cross at the right level and at the right time.

I am open to sleeping with my kids if there is a need. My son is 9 and came back to our bed because of a recent intense fear. I love that feeling of cuddling up close to him. Those feelings I get when I look into his face when he is asleep is magical. And sometimes waking up together on the same bed gave us an opportunity to play like hugging and rolling about. That feeling of deep intimate connection between us are so beautiful - It is the Real TREASURE in life.

On the other hand, I would encourage him to sleep by himself, to do thing for himself. And take the progress appropriately.

My daughter was brought up the same but she got independent and move on to be by herself and have been very happy by herself ever since.

Both my kids seems to be very independent in many areas of their life. She does all her homework well and on time without being pushed or reminded. He needs a little but is getting more and more self-reliant on handling all assignments. They would go to bed on time, wake themselves up in good time, cook their own breakfast and get ready for school and leave on time for school without my instruction. (Initially I did have to guide them but not anymore). They are now 12 (daughter) and 9 (son). As independent is concern I think they are doing pretty well.

In school, they are always rated to display higher level thinking skills. Beside independence I am proud that they are natural high achievers. Both of them get straight A almost every year.

I don't exactly know what I did right, I know I also unconsciously pass onto them a lot of bad stuff. I do have a lot of issues (for e.g. explosive anger when sensitive areas get touch or when I am in my PMS/menopause). When I am in those mood, I can be very critical. One thing I suspect I did right is to be myself, not to hide anything or be pretentious. I constantly strife to be conscious and when I went out of whack, I apologize when I can and learn from it. (I think my kids are learning that from me as well, they sometimes write apology note to me). As much as possible we want to live a life with high integrity. Live to love and to learn to be a better person everyday.

Hi Rainbow (love your name),

I saw that you are the moderator (community support team). Could you explain what does the "superposter" on the right column, next to the word "post" indicate (is it quality or quantity). I am curious as to who rates these stuff.

You can see I am new (very new) and you will soon know I am very curious and inquisitive

Hey thanks for being our moderator - this is a great place to be.

Love & Blessings

(((((((((((((((((((((((Rainbowzz))))))))))))))))))))))))

I practice attachment parenting with my three boys. When I was pregnant with my first (he is about to turn 12) I read a book about attachment parenting and it just felt RIGHT to me.

We cosleep when they are babies, and when they get too big, they are welcome to sleep on a cot on the floor in our room (they are 12, 8, and 6 so they have all outgrown that now). At one point, I had a newborn in my bed, a 2 year old on the floor next to me, and a 5 year old on a mattress across the room!! It was cozy and nice.

I kept them in the sling when they were babies, so when I was going about my daily stuff, the baby was right there with me. My babies LOVED the sling

I nursed them on demand and let them wean themselves when they were ready.

Mostly, I tried (and try) to respect their needs, and to see their needs as real and valid. If they needed comforted, they were comforted. If they wanted to explore, they explored.

That was my experience in the baby/toddler years....I loved it

Now *I* am learning about attachment in T, since I never had the opportunity to attach to anyone when I was little. He won't carry me in a sling, though, darn it!

EM, I did all those things you wrote with my kids too. I didn't know it was called attachment parenting. I looked at the link Rainbowzz provided and it is about William Sears, who was the author of a very popular baby book when my kids were infants. My first baby was born in Berkeley, CA, and everyone I knew there did those things. I remember we called sleeping together "co-sleeping" or "the family bed." I found it very natural to sleep with the baby in the bed between me and my H. It was so easy when they got hungry at night to feed them. I could nurse lying down and hardly even have to wake up to get the baby on the breast. My babies both hated the slings, though! With my first, she liked to ride on my back instead. She was very active and inquisitive and liked to be up high on my back so she could look out and see everything. I also let them wean on demand: first daughter nursed until age 3 and a half, when her little sister was born. Second daughter only nursed until 1.

My parents did not raise me that way at all. They felt it was best to withhold affection and comfort from the baby because otherwise the child would become spoiled. When I had my first baby and my dad saw how loving I was to her, he told me that "show no affection" was the popular philosophy at the time, in a widely read baby book. He told me he really regretted having to do that (there seemed to be societal pressure? he had to follow my mom's lead?) and wished it had been different. That was a really healing moment for me. (My mother has never told me anything of the sort.)

(((sunrise))) I'm glad that you're dad gave you that healing moment. I don't understand his position though. It only seemed natural to me to have the baby next to us, to cuddle and love them. I wasn't even aware that there was a term for having the baby in bed with you.

I do know that my parents thought it was "lazy" of us to have the baby in bed with us. Another thing that used to drive them crazy was that until the kids started school, they were on our schedule. Hubby and I usually worked shift work. We stayed up until 2 am and slept until 10 in the morning. That was just the worst thing ever to them.

Just because someone dosent practice 'attachment' parenting does not mean they are bad parents, I hug and cuddle my children often and just stroke or touch a head or shoulder in passing.

I give time to them when they ask for it I talk to them continualy somtimes being told to leave them alone as they are busy lol.

The fact that they are brought up a different way dosent mean its wrong.

No, for sure Tishie. Its just one particular way and method of parenting. I dont think all other ways are wrong, just particular to the parent. Some work for some people, and others dont work for the same. Its very personal.

I dont think thats what everyone was meaning to say, just relating personal experiences

Tishie, I know you are an awesome mom! I was responding to sunrise's father stating that being unaffectionate (is this a word?) was the norm when she was a baby. Our oldest didn't cry when he woke up when he was a baby, since he slept with me, I would wake up when he started wiggling around.

But you're right, different does not mean wrong. Our boys all slept with us from day one, but our second child did not like sleeping with us. She had jandice when she was born and had to be in the cube from the time she was three days old until she was 17 days old. We were unable to take her out to hold her, we could put our hands in through the holes to rub and stroke her. Or it could be she was so huge (10 lbs 2 oz) that she was just tired being crowded.

Parenting skills vary by person and by child I think. As long as you give them love and keep them healthy and happy there is no wrong way to do it.

Ohhh, I totally believe in attachment parenting! My kids are almost 13 and 14 and it was the best things for them and for me. My kids are very independent now and I remember others telling me I am spoiling them or that they will become too dependent and never let go. My kids mean to much to me, they are the greatest.