Hard time dealing with my four year old

My four year old has quite a personality and he requires constant attention. He is very smart, active, and outgoing. When he is good he is really good, but when he is having an off day he is very hard to deal with. I try time out and the 123 Magic child method and it does not really work with him. My firstborn was always a very quiet mellow child and I waited eight years to have my now 4 yr old. Not to sugarcoat it, but I love my son very much I just don't really like him sometimes. When he is having one of his meltdowns, especially in public I just want to disappear or run away. Lately I have lost my temper and yelled really loud at him and he starts to cry. I feel like such a bad mom giving in to the adult temper tantrum and losing control momentarily like that. Any mom's out there at their wits end. Any good parenting books I can read for children with my son's personality. Help.....

I am right there with you. Mine is 5, almost 6 and I struggle daily with remembering that I love him so much so that I don't lash out irrationally. Its so hard sometimes. And what makes it harder that as mothers, we get alot of guilt trips for speaking up and saying we're having troubles. But there it is, the undeniable fact. I can't give much advice because I am asking for it myself but there are some great advice givers on here. I wish you luck and a hug because sometimes that is what we need most of all.

I have a four year old who is very simlar to yours ! What I have been doing recently and it seems to be working is giving him lots of little extra treats that he likes ie sweets or time in the garden, then if he starts being naughty I tell him he wont go out in the garden for one sleep (one day lol) or he wont have the sweets for one day ! He soon got the message and yes we still have shouting or crying but we say to him if you are going to cry like that then take it in the front room we dont want to hear it. Oh and close the door !

Fingers crossed but its working.

You're not alone. I have a 3-year-old daughter who acts the same way. She also embarrasses me in public places and I wish I could just disappear. She does things purposely to trigger me off if I'm not paying any attention to her whatsoever. She throws things, breaks things, screams at the top of her lungs, etc. I too sometimes give into the adult temper tantrum and wind up yelling at her. I am so stressed out at the moment, I don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm losing my mind. So don't feel bad. I thought I was the only one.

Hi,
before going out in public, let him know that he 's expected to behave in a certain way. It's good to make sure that he's not hungry or tired, because these will trigger meltdowns. If he's really bad you can just pick him up and say "we're going home". If you're grocery shopping, you can try getting him involved and give him jobs to do - like picking the apples and finding things. You can tell him if he's good the whole shopping trip, then he'll get a reward (like some gum/ chocolate/mini car toy etc). You could try making a rewards chart and everytime he does something good, he gets to put a sticker on the chart. Best of luck, I know it's hard. I have 2 myself 7 & 11 yrs.

i agree with Lynn P.

i was a lot like your son at that age and my mom did those things with me and it cut down on my tantrums quite a bit.

be consitent- kids want bovndaries- or they feel helpless and out of control which is what leads to tantrums. good luck!

Oh yeah. Right there with you.
Totally at my wits end with my
four-and-a-half year old daughter.

I too know how you feel. My 2 and a half year old son drives me nuts! Sometimes to the point where im ready to run away forever or shoot myself. I think theres more personal reasons as to why i get annoyed so much but this isnt my post to complain =) good luck with it all, ill definately checking this post frequently to read everyones ideas and also taking the advice already mentioned into consideration!

Update on my son who is four and we have been trying a new way to chastise....

Well so far its working fantasticly he really likes going out in the garden I would think you just need to find 'the' thing that works for your child. We remove it for one sleep (one night) and it is working.

He has stopped the screaming as he realises we dont mind him screaming and he isnt going to get his own way so thats brilliant news for us !

I would really recommend the time out thing. Ive seen it on supper nanny on abc and it really seemed to work. I babysit alot and started using it and it really does work. I would say watch the supper nanny on abc and learn the method.