Benefits/welfare problems.

Wow Marylin,
You've gone from being a wreck over this to actively working on your case....that's real progress. It's always worth giving it your best effort that way there won't be room for the "what if's". Those only add to the stress. I think you've got a real good handle on this now. Action feels a whole lot better than worrying yourself to bits. Kudos to you!!!

I am depressed again today and I still feel really alone....it feels isolating,to be honest I don't show it but I am desperate for love and attention.I feel unsupported.I am disappointed cos last month I asked my MP for support with my benefit claim but he hasn't replied to me.It does usually take him 3-4 weeks to reply when I ask his support on other issues but I feel he won't want to help me cos he has consistently voted to reduce the welfare budget so why would he care about me?I said to him a year or two ago I was on benefits and worried cos the government seems to want people who are seriously disabled to work and I can't and he said if I needed help he would help me but he hasn't replied so I am not going to pester him,I might go to a constituent surgery if I decide on 7th June,maybe he expects me to ask him in person.I might try that.

Also I asked my niece three times in two months to write a letter saying how I struggle with my mobility and how she helps me for the DWP as a supporting letter and she has said she will but she hasn't bothered.Yet when I say I am worried she says stay calm I am here for you I support you and I know it's scary she says try stay calm she says.Yet she doesn't bother to write the letter for me, so I reckon she is only talking support but not really bothering.She is in LA studying but it wouldn't take her longer than an hour to write a letter find a post office and post it,she can't be bothered and doesn't rally care is what it sound like is nearer to the truth to me.Over the years I have gone to a lot of effort and spent a lot on her to show her a good time and make her feel loved and this is her feelings towards me that she can't be bothered.I am disappointed but I still love her.

I shouldn't complain at least I will have the help of Fightback 4 justice.I have to try and stay mentally strong and start putting myself first from now on.

I got the DWP decision letter.I have been refused PIP which is the reply I was expecting.I will ring tuesday 29 May and book the legal team at welfare rights to do my mandatory reconsideration.They will write it based on the evidence that I send them,medical records I will obtain and send to them next week.They will send the MR for me to DWP special delivery signed for and tracked and a copy to me.Then it can take up to 12 weeks for them to reply.If still no award I have to appeal to tribunal judges.I will have to survive on £220 a fortnight for anything from four months to a year.it is going to be hard hopefully I will win.

I do feel disappointed even though I was expecting it....am depressed and worried already feeling ill and worn down,the garden hedges are overgrown and I have to cut them myself as I can no longer pay for a gardener.It seems like i am going back to the bad old days where I couldn't do stuff myself and didn't have the money to pay to get them done either.I am going to be seriously ill again without money or help,deja vu.Help!

I think I had the worst shock five weeks ago when I received a copy of the assessors report and saw that she didn't score me enough points to be awarded.I was so upset back then,but at least I was ready to be let down when the final decision came through.I had adjusted by then to the news I had just received.I still have to manage on a lot less and won't be able to eat as much as I do now.I have to cut my shopping budget in half.Bills will get paid but there will be very little for transport and spending money to get through until next pay day.Horrific nightmare,I will have to go without and stay at home more....I will concentrate on watching DVDs,writing and art and reading my books,gardening,housework.I have to get through this with a positive attitude or else I will be physically ill which will cause mental decline and possibly psychosis.I want to avoid that happening.I have been without money before and it was hard I got seriously ill.Please God it doesn't get that bad again.

Today was good.I went to town to buy pads and bread and milk.I enjoy a drink at the coffee shop.I bumped into a gardener on my way out asking the taxi driver for directions.He offered to cut my hedges,and he came back later and did so.I hedge was massive and he made it a lot smaller and the other got trimmed but it needs reducing when I have the money.Both got cut though it cost me £50 but I was really happy cos it would have been really hard work to do them by hand and I would have needed 20 hours manual labour which is nigh on impossible for a disabled person like me.I would have got exhausted and distress and very very depressed if I had had to do it myself.So the gardener was a Godsend.Also I have his number now and unlike the Age UK gardener I don't have to have him come round regularly I can just phone him to come do odd jobs in the garden dept.

Also today I decided to go see my MP in person he is holding a surgery June 8th,and I will ask him to help me get them to reinstate my benefit.I don't know if he will agree to help but I am going to give it a try and try to keep a positive frame of mind.

Keep going Marylin! You're doing great!

Thank you Deejay and I appreciate your support and words of encouragement,it means a lot to me lovely!

I am sorry to hear to PIP has been refused. Fingers crossed that the phone call on the 29th will set better cogs in motion for you.

Gardening can be an unseen expense. Finding the right gardener for the right price can be tricky. I used to have one that would arrive at 7am and trim the hedge. The hedge is long and tall and out of my reach physically. Pleased that you could find a more suitably priced gardener and one that you can contact on a needs basis.

I find that the local library is a good source for books and DVD's for free. There is always free stuff around. Even local councils have community centres that offer classes and courses and opportunities. I assume that the UK would be much the same?

Your MP is there to serve his constituents. That's what he gets elected for and paid for. Help him to fulfill his role as a member of Parliament.

Well funny you should say that about my MP Possum.His office got back to me today and his assistant says they will open a case file with the DWP marked urgent and try to help.He said they didn't get he email I sent 28 days ago and only got it when I resent it last week we will see if they are any help.

I was about to book the MR today with Fightback4Justice when Atos phoned me and said they had informed DWP about my complaint and DWP have requested they do another assessment,so they booked me in for Tuesday 19 June this time with a mental health nurse instead of a paramedic.Fightback4justice legal eagle Michelle says this is very good news and rarely happens.She is going to phone me the week before to prepare me for the assessment.I am nervous having to go through it again but it is another opportunity to state my case and this time I have more of an idea what to expect and what I need to say to make them take my case seriously.It has been exhausting today I went to the bank and sorted loads of stuff and I was going to go tomorrow and get my medical records and send all to fightback for them to do the MR but I don't have to rush to do that now.
I am seriously tired and although my mum is supportive she is 87 and I don't want to go on and on to her I am alone with it all and feel the strain.Nevertheless it is hopeful news as my legal eagle said and I feel God's hand at work.Tomorrow I am having a day off from stress and worry and I will go see a film and have a meal and just try to switch off and relax.
I want to get ready for the next home assessment and I want to get chores done and spring clean my home for when my niece comes home from studying in LA.
I have learnt not to take things for granted,to be more careful with my finances and to be more mindful in my life,so I am using my time wisely and not vegetating.This benefits business has been a massive wake up call and I feel God's hands at work.This is stressful but a learning experience.

Excellent news!! You can do this one step at a time. Take time to breathe in between tasks, even if it's just 5 minutes.

I am pleased that they are going to do another assessment with somebody who understands mental health issues. It's one thing to know about physical constraints and entirely another to understand mental health health problems and the impact that they also have on how we function or not.

Maybe today can be a day of rest as it seems you have done heaps to get you this far.

Good to know that you have more people in your corner and that the MP and his office were doing things despite their lack of communication.

Yes,thanks Possum,I did rest today went and had a meal at the pub and saw a film.

I have decided to take one day at a time,try and be more patient and try to stop worrying.Even if they refuse me again and I have to manage on a lot less money worry isn't going to help it will make matters worse.

Friday I am going to collect my medical records and send them to the benefits people and request if they have enough evidence to do me a paper based assessment instead of another f2f assessment.I have said if they insist I will have another f2f but want an award like the old DLA one and can't understand why they would refuse me when my conditions remain unchanged.My care and mobility needs remain unchanged.

And Friday June 8th I am going to see my MP and meet him and talk to him about my benefits claim in person,give him a copy of my letter of complaint to Atos so he will be fully aware of the ins and outs of my case.

I need to schedule in plenty of rest time because I am physically exhausted and that is leading to a deterioration of my mental health yet again.

You're right! Worry helps nothing! I am working at keeping my worry in check with my husband until the surgeon has told me something has changed and that won't be until after the surgery or even three days after that. Keep steady and even, not too high, not to low.

Yay - Meal at the pub and no dishes to wash. Hope you enjoyed the movie.
Sounds like you are still doing heaps to get this resolved. The weekend sounds like a good time to take a mental break from this and put it all from your mind and maybe go and have a cup of tea with your Mum and no talk of benefit issues.
Breathe.......

I have found some peace now.If I have to be assessed again I am ok with that,what harm can it do it might help even.Yesterday I went to the GP and collected my medical records and photocopied them and sent them in to the benefits people,saying I will have the assessment if I have to but could they do a paper based assessment if with these medical records there is enough evidence to....I now await a reply from them.
I said the same to my MP to help me get an award without another assessment.I sent him the emails that I sent him and that he says he didn't get and a cover letter thanking him for opening a file with the DWP to help me.

Just a matter of waiting now and no point worrying like you say Deejay.I hope things go well health wise for your husband and yourself.You might try these websites for cancer and diet...Chris Wark Square One program...google that and www.canceractive.com Best wishes to you both.

Yeah I am going to take a break from benefit troubles now...going to see my mum Tuesday Possum and am gardening this weekend and going to see another film.Today I have been resting cos I got exhausted yesterday.

I took a break from it all today.I went and saw the new Star Wars film,it was action packed and I enjoyed it,I won't say more I don't want to spoil it for you if you are going to see it.Ron Howard directed it.I ate a curry at the pub after and had a drink or two.I am home now putting my feet up!It is good not to think about or worry about benefits for a while.

I am glad that you were able to have a planned break. Thanks for not telling us the plot. Last Stars Wars movie I wanted to see was ruined when some-one who gave away a major story line.

I am sure it will be good to have some time in the garden and see your Mum soon.

It is a good film and it did not let the franchise down is all I will say about the new Star Wars film Solo.I hope that you enjoy it when you go see it Possum.I am having an ok weekend,if not a bit hot and tiring,getting things done slowly.I cut the grass at the back today but didn't get anything else done.Tomorrow I want to vacumne,get the washing up done and do some weeding of the borders at the back and I also have to put the bins in place for the binmen to collect on Tuesday.If it is too hot again I might not get it all done though they reckon it will be cooler tomorrow I don't know though!

Even though I sent my medical records in to the benefits people they are still insisting that I have another face 2 face assessment.They have changed the date of the assessment from 19 June to the 22 June which is a Friday,two weeks away.I am waiting patiently but will be glad when it is done.Hopefully they won't refuse me benefits this time.

My Member Of Parliament's office manager was in touch over my benefit situation.I complained cos I'd asked him to intervene to get me a standard award and all he was doing was relaying benefits office's standard replies.I complained that he hadn't done anything and that all I had achieved so far I had achieved on my own.He replied that they can't just intervene to get me an award as they are not medically qualified to say and assess me,so I just have to follow the benefits office procedure.So I said that is what I will do and can he find out of they refuse me again on reassessment can I still do an Mandatory Reconsideration and an Appeal and I thanked him for all he had done so far.

So that is it I do have to have another assessment.Fingers crossed.Nine days until the 22 June when I will be reassessed.They gave me my last payment today,it was a week short so I was £80 down on the total I should have got.My ESA money will go down next payment too in two weeks time.I am going to struggle.

From tomorrow there is a week to go until my assessment,June 22,Friday!
I hope it goes well! Wish me luck.

You can do this!

I believe it will go better this time!

Good luck, thinking of you.

Sunday tomorrow,that means five more days to wait then it's my 2nd PIP assessment...I am anxious and nervous,I am hoping that it goes ok,more than ok,really well!