[TG Dysphoria]

Hello , I am new to this forum. My issue is that I have always insanely wanted to be a female since my earlychildhood. I have always hated my male identity. I am now 30 yrs old and still single. I am afraid of marrying. Because my trans identity maybe split me up from my wife in the future. I don't want to get into a relationship doomed to a painful end.

Another possibility that I wonder? Will my trans identity disappear if I marry a loving woman and be happy? love to all..

[lowinmood]

it all depends on the woman and if she accepts it or not.

[DaveJ]

Every person is individual, so there is no definite answer. If you have felt like this since a young child it seems unlikely that marrying would change your feelings... What you feel abut your gender identity is about you, rather than those around you. Do you feel that you could be happy living your life and having a relationship as a man?

[TheSeamster]

Your identity doesn't have to disappear with marriage. Many trans people marry and have supportive and loving partners. < It's just about finding the right person. Dating is a little more difficult being trans, but there a lot more understanding people out there now who will support you and love you no matter what.

[Skeezyks]

Hello TG Dysphoria: I see this is your first Thread...so... welcome to PsychCentral! What follows is my perspective with regard to your questions... If you're really MtF transsexual... you're trans for life. It'll never go away. And, no. Marrying will not make it disappear. Many trans individuals have hoped for this over the years. But I don't know of anyone for whom it ever happened. Marrying will sometimes cause transsexual feelings to lessen for a period of time... maybe even for a number of years. But they always come back... often stronger than ever. And then, if children have come into the picture, the whole situation becomes even more complicated. I'm sorry if I sound negative. But I want to be honest with you. If you really are an MtF transsexual, this is your reality.

One question here, however, is are you really "transsexual"? In a sense, being truly transsexual is an extreme situation. Not everyone who has the feelings you do is transsexual. They may be "transgender". But transsexual & transgender are not necessarily the same thing. There are many resting places along the gender identity continuum. If you can, you might want to consider seeing a therapist who has experience working with persons who have gender identity concerns. Such a professional could help you to figure out where you really stand with regard to your gender identity. This is complicated stuff.

In terms of marrying, from my perspective, I think the important thing is to be up-front with any woman you become involved with regarding your gender identity issues. As TheSeamster wrote, many trans people marry & have supportive, loving partners. But this has the best chance of happening if you are open & honest from the start regarding your gender identity. It has certainly happened where a person hid their gender identity issues, sometimes for many years; and when they finally "came out", their spouses stayed with them anyway. But I would guess cases such as these are in the minority... and it is always a risk.

Anyway, I hope something I've written here has been helpful to you. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you may come to embrace your true self. (Feel free to Personal Message me, here on PC, if you want to correspond further with regard to this topic.)

I think in your heart that you already know the answer to this ... No, marrying will not make your sexual identity disappear any more than a gay man finding the right woman or a lesbian finding the right man will magically make them straight!

Sure, we can go that route and fake it and it may or may not work out but in the meantime we'll be denying our authentic selves their very being and nothing good ever comes out of that!

There are a lot of therapists out there that can help you with this issue so you don't have to continue being who you are not and learn to love, like and accept who you are and how you are. Once you get healthy with yourself, everything else will take care of itself!

[TG Dysphoria]

General idea is that it will not disappear with marriage regarding to your answers. I am seeing a therapist and she tries to figure out my situation. but neither she have an idea about after marriage feelings of TGs. I talked to her and her assistant very much about this subject but yet we haven't cleared the situation. I told her assistant that marriage will be just a test for me, not a 'normal' life or happiness expectation. Regarding Pfrog's answer, yes I believe deep in heart this is my true self that can never disappear like my eye color. All I hope is that maybe it will become less painful if I can feel a bit male because of being the father of a family. But as I read your answers this doesn't meant to be happen. Hugs to all

[TG Dysphoria]

Originally Posted by DaveJ

Every person is individual, so there is no definite answer. If you have felt like this since a young child it seems unlikely that marrying would change your feelings... What you feel abut your gender identity is about you, rather than those around you. Do you feel that you could be happy living your life and having a relationship as a man?

No, I honestly don't even like being the man side of a relationship. Whenever I get in a relationship with a girl, I always dream of being her, the female side..

[DaveJ]

Originally Posted by TG Dysphoria

No, I honestly don't even like being the man side of a relationship. Whenever I get in a relationship with a girl, I always dream of being her, the female side..

I think that answers your question then... I know the relationships I've been in didn't work out partly because I wasn't being the person I really am, and because my partner(s) didn't see me as the man I know I am which was difficult for us both (there were plenty of ther problems with the relationships too though).
I think that a marriage is far more likely to work out and make you happy in the long term if you are living life in a way that makes you happy and can be open about who you are and how you feel.

It didn't for us. Matter of fact, a lot of trans get married and then divorced if their partner wasn't all about it. Some just suffer endlessly.

My partner and I is divorcing, but on other grounds like I'm a multiple and none of us like her. I can also tell that she wouldn't put up with me anyways.

[TheSquids]

Okay just wanted to say this:

No it will not go away... but what is your sexual orientation or you straight trans meaning for you you love guys or are you lesbian/gay trans for you love women... also this goes even deeper like the terms buff and femme the boy and girl sides (sometimes) of a gay/lesbian relationship from what you write I would guess if you are lesbian/gay trans than you are probably (if even) the femme side of the potential relastionship.

hope this was helpful.