Going to transition to be me

Its a no brainer. We struggle and stress over it every waking/sleeping minute. Now just the knowing that its what we are going to do has afforded some relief and excitement!

We have a lot of work to do. I'm building a spreadsheet of costs so I can plan a schedule.

Its not like we're instantly going to cross dress into public....not just yet. The clothes I wear now are gender neutral enough if not more to the opposite.

My family somewhat understands, but I would like my teen to graduate out of the house first (1 year) and my present partner that ridicules me disappear.

We've waited this long, whats a little more time?

I told my t ten years ago my goal was to be "more me". I have a feeeeeeling of what that means - i sure know when im not being me. Just not real sure of what me looks like. Not like this though.

Congratulations on your decision, AlwaysChanging2! The Skeezyks wishes you every success...

Sherri:

To me, me is who is how I am. All my life I've been told to act your age, act your gender, act this act that...

I so HATE the word "act".

People pleasing to the max. Gag me.

Even today people say "why are you acting this/that way?"

Wha?

I'm being me finally in over 48 years....free of you alls tethers.

Interesting! I told a coworker like over ten years ago (she was a yakker so i just free associated whenever she took a breath) that if i could figure out the secret to acting, i would figure out the secret to the universe. My universe, apparently. Your quotes sound exactly like my mother in my childhood. I never acted right according to her. Otoh, her and my brother tell me what a good actor i am, but not in a good way.

Yes you bet hon, we had to act to please those around us. We denied ourselves for the comfort sake of society, family, friends. We are a martyr to their cause. We died so that they can live guilt free.

We were taught we had to "act" a certain way. When I heard the words "be yourself".... I'm literally wide eyed and baffled without a clue! And if I did....years of conditioning would become unglued and the world will cave in...so it was unsacred ground to even think of being real! (Scream!)

I'm beginning to understand the words "Be true to yourself".

This is literally the bravest I've ever been for me.... ever.

It feels so right that I felt like I'm the one that kept myself in a box. I was put there. So I stayed there. The idea of still living feels so fresh!

Congratulations and good luck with everything! I'm excited for you. I am just starting this journey myself, at nearly 40. The weirdest thing is that I've always felt so much older than I am, literally as if my life is basically over (I remember feeling this way even when I was a teenager, oddly) but in the last few days, since I realized I'm trans and that I'm perfectly cool with embracing it, I just feel as though a weight has been lifted from me. I agree...I've been living my whole life (or most of it, anyway) for other people to a large extent; it's time for my life to be about me. So again...congratulations.