[Mysterious_Lion]

Hey, far as I remember as a little kid I didn't care about gender roles, I understood through out history if born biologically female they like to cook & clean wear pink ect.. males are marcho sports & do the dirty jobs like plumbing ect...

I just don't get why so important in society just seems black & white when I was a kid it bothered me.
I hate the colour pink after awhile realising their are choices for shorts I hated wearing a dress, when I was starting to grow breasts I was disheartened and menstrual cycle seemed to be added to the list just didn't felt right for me, never seen myself as a mummy of sorts.

As a teen kept asking myself am I both genders or just male instead of female? Do I have no gender? Im just me.

Now in my 20s I still question it I even tried to push the questioning away in my head always resurfacing just feel adds to my depression at times.

I think my major issue is I don't always feel comfortable with having breasts it really bothers me "why do I get these bouncing heavy balloons?" I been fixated wanting a flat chest since my teens some days I don't mind them, pro nouns can bother me even though no ones fault I don't mention it to anyone but for example "she & her" doesn't bother me as much but when people come up say "hey woman" or "hey little lady" seems to struck a cord.

Apart for wanting a flat chest no menstrual cycle I like a shaven legs & arms but feel not match to my gender I had guy friends since I was kid but lost many once came into adult seems to be a thing if your friends with a guy could mean more even though completely untrue.

I think I relate more to masculinity I guess but sometimes I like wearing eye make up I think both genders can wear I most days wear no make up.

It shouldn't bother me but it does I think reason why does is fear that no one will ever accept me if I find out what gender I am.

I kept bouncing the label of genderfluid or Agender.

[Pflaumenkeks]

I feel you. And decided to claim the label Agenderfluid for me (for now)
But as much as I hate it not to be out at work, I know my family is supportive of me and my child loves me regardless of my gender.

I hope you'll find people who love and accept you the way you are

[Mysterious_Lion]

I didn't know there was Agenderfluid, ever since I started meds for other reasons I been reflecting again. Then my brain is saying are you sure you are in the right body? I guess I been trying to suppress it cope with everyday life.

I think if I were to do SRS only thing I would love to stop is not to have breasts they are nice but it odd feeling that my brain tells me it shouldn't be there, it scares me where I work would still respect who I am or I get bullied or not be accepted as well. I been working at a place for a long time people will begin to go that's not real as these people known me to be this emotional person. I already know one person doesn't believe in trans think if "you are born this sex you are that sex" though it is one person it kinda bothers me.

All I know is I could be male I don't know it but I do know that remembering been alittle kid been told born a girl that one day I will grow breasts I didn't like it at all. Every sports day at school I loved it cause it was mandatory to wear shorts or trousers
One perk is I do like being that shaving my arms and legs I like been hairless though I have nothing against towards people who don't like shaving as I know it's a pain.

I am going to see someone soon next week but it's for a different thing not sure they can help with gender as well.

[Pflaumenkeks]

Ah, beeing long time in the same environment makes the changes harder I guess. I moved several times the last years and so people contantly get to know the "new me" without knowing any other version. But when I moved to Vienna, I had a great (queer) peer group and that helped a lot. Besides not living there anymore we still have contact and they respect pronoun/name changes and are happy for me everytime I discover sth new.

Are there probably any meetups in your area? Beeing with other ppl that respect your identity can be a relief.
As for the person that doesn't belief you are trans: They are everywhere. And yes, it hurts. But it's like the ppl who say "you're not depressed, your just lazy" when you litterally unable to leave your home. They cannot understand what they don't experience for themself but instead of aknowleging it, they try to press everything in their "norm"

As for work: have you tried a binder? I have one and the best experience with it was: no one at work noticed. (I wear clothes that society code as male). This might be a good test befor you consider an operation?

Shave all you want! (I hate it), I know ppl of all genders that do it or not. I'm happy for you that you found one expression that you like

Good luck on your appointment next week!

[Mysterious_Lion]

Do you measure under the bust?I am very new to it that's all I am worried I would injure myself.

[Pflaumenkeks]

I'd recommend this site for your first binder g2b (<the link referes to the size site with a link to "How to measure"). They are safe and good in quality