Black Afab folks?

So I've been gender questioning for a while now, to be specific since last year, and I just been wanting to find other black afab folks out there, who may still feel this weird connection to womanhood even if you feel like you're excluded from it. Like I keep feeling this pull of wanting to connected and tied to womanness, but when I try to fit into societal standards, or fit too these Black womanhood ideals, I end up feeling like an outsider, like I can never do it right, I end up feeling more ugly, and gross about myself. Like, I'm an imposter, trying to fit in where I'm not wanted.

And it's like I feel locked out, I feel like empty and lost about it. And I have friends who are on different spectrums of trans, whether they are demi, or non-binary, etc. I just feel like I can't relate to them, it's like their identities feel more valid. And even though trans experiences aren't a monolith, I just feel like, I'm not fitting anywhere, and it's scary. I just...wanna now where I'm supposed to go, let alone, what am I suppose to be.

But like trying to discuss this with my friends is hard because, their experiences are different from mine and each other, they always say like "I can't validate your gender for you." and I get that...but I wish there was an manual for this.