[amandalouise]

I usually do not post or read this board. but recent developments in my personal life has me coming to read and post here.

short version in past posts I explained my daughter has a health issue that affects her. I dont usually go into detail about those issues because they were not relevent to the posts that I was replying to. but this forum fits her problem so i have been reading and recently posted here even though I am not trangendered.

my daughter was born with both and fully functioning male and female genitals. this causes her many confusions and health related problems and we have been working with her birth to figure out which gender she is supposed to be, sometimes she has to take medications to clear up a male related problem and medications to clear up a female related problem, these medications sometimes cause her to have hallucinations\delusions\mood swings and other problems. blood tests shows she is female. but we have not removed the male organs due to we felt and still feel her gender identity is for her to decide.

she is at an age where she is now noticing her differences from her siblings and friends and is conflicted as to whether she is a boy or girl. sometimes she feels she is a boy and sometimes she feels she is a girl. we will be waiting until she is older for her final decisions before we take any surgery action.

my point, just wanted to let you all know that though I am not transgendered my child is going through these similar problems that are posted in this board and is the reason why I have been in this board more recently. I most likely wont be posting much in this board but will be mostly reading, like any other member on psych central and non members alike can do with any of the forum boards.

[Skeezyks]

Hello amandalouise: Thank you for sharing this. From what you wrote, your daughter would be considered to be: "intersexed". I have watched some interesting documentary videos on YouTube with regard to this condition. It can be most distressing for affected individuals. The approach you are taking with your daughter is most wise.

Unfortunately, it seems the Transgender Forum is pretty quiet these days. This is my second time here on PC. When I was a member here on PC before, I posted quite a bit in the Transgender Forum. However I no longer do.

I'm also kind-of a "tangentially-qualified" person, here in the Transgender Forum, I guess you might say. I'm biologically male. But all of my life, I have felt as though I was born the wrong gender. I never did anything about it though. Way back when I was young, the words "transsexual" & "transgender" hadn't even been coined yet. So, anyway, I don't know if, technically, I'm "qualified" to be here either. However, I still stop by whenever there is a new Thread to reply to. I wish both you & your daughter well...

[Darth_Rattus]

Welcome to the forums, amandalouise. It's wonderful that you have come to a new place in order to help your child, and I hope you can find plenty of useful information. While the gender forum has been less active than members like Skeezkys remember, there are still at least a few people here who might be able to answer some of your questions.

A quick look at the title of this forum tells us that there are transgender people and other gender people. One way to explain this is that there are boys and girls and then there are people who are both or neither. There are a multitude of words to describe people in the "other" area such as bigender, nonbinary, genderqueer, and genderfluid, and probably equally as many of these people call themselves transgender as the ones that don't call themselves anything.

You daughter is somewhat different from the majority of people, boy, girl, or not, in that she is intersex. A lot of people say intersex people are cisgender which means they identify with the gender they were assigned at birth despite the fact that they have different sex characteristics. I'll describe a few different situations to try and explain.

1: Say someone is born with a vagina, ovaries, XX chromosomes, and no signs of being intersex, and the doctor says "It's a girl!" If that girl grows up and never disagrees with the doctor, she is cisgender.

2: Someone is born with what resembles a vagina and a penis, ovaries and/or testes, and any combination of chromosomes and the doctor says "It's a girl!" If that girl grows up and never disagrees with the doctor, regardless of whether she had XY chromosomes or ended up surgically removing her female reproductive organs, she technically also qualifies as cisgender.

3: Someone is born with the same sex characteristics as person 2 and the doctor says "It's a boy!" This person disagrees with the doctor regardless of bodily appearance, hormones, etc, and feels that they are a girl. This girl can qualify as either transgender or cisgender because her body fits neither the common image of "female" nor the common image of "male."

Now, that's not an extensive list, and when it comes down to it it's up to the person alone to decide whether to call themselves transgender or cisgender or something else. There are a lot of things you and your daughter will have to consider if you really want to find out what to call her situation.

Your daughter might be as girly as they come. If not, maybe she is a tomboy. She could, however, be a trans boy. It's also possible that she is a boy sometimes and a girl other times, or perhaps she doesn't fit any label known to man. Whatever she feels and whatever she decides to call herself, it's important that she knows she is not alone. She has you, the people here, doctors, and tons of intersex and transgender people on different websites who she might be able to contact.

Good luck, amandalouise!

[Bolivar83]

hello, amandalouise - like you, this isn't something I am dealing with myself, I also have loved ones and look for more info to be supportive, learn.

Take care

[Pflaumenkeks]

Hello amandalouise,

(thank you for letting your child decide about the surgery. It's sadly not that common)
I think it would be a good step to bring not only you, but also your child in contact with other intersex people. They understand your child the most and can give you tipps how you can be a supportive parent.

Here is an organisation that is run by intersex people (not only) in NYC Intersex Campaign for Equality ? The United States affiliate of the Organization Intersex International (OII)
They have a lot of links to other resources as well.

Wish you and your child the best